Reflecting back, it's been a tough year in many respects, but great in many more. After moving to pursue my dream, it wasn't exactly how I imagined it - lol. I had always wanted a farm with my horses on the property. After finding the ideal farm in a pristine valley - in an area that soothes my soul and sparks my creativity - I found the creativity and dream badly compromised.
Dealing with my 82 year old blind mother's divorce from her 2nd husband and the subsequent nastiness, manipulations and year long negativity - I found myself with stress induced back and knee problems that started last January. The problem became so severe, that I had to give up my horses in July, as I was unable to do the work involved with them. I miss them so much - they really are so good for the soul. Tremendous healers.
I used to go out to the barn, and just brush them, and be able to come in with a whole new perspective. When I was at the coast, I rode frequently, and it was definitely my "therapy". I could have the worst day in the world, and come back from riding through the park completely rejuvenated. I sure miss that.
In March, my daughter's three-day event horse, a wonderfully sensitive animal, so kind and generous of spirit, died. It was unfortunate that I had been at the coast on business and had thought of stopping in to see him before I came home, as I hadn't seen him in about a year. I had an intuitive feeling that I wouldn't see him again, but I dismissed it. So I carried on home without seeing him and he died that week.
Then the horses went to my daughter in July. Nick and Moka. Nick is a buckskin and such a brat - he always makes me laugh. Moka, is a beautiful thoroughbred that I bought when she was starving. She is so talented and sweet sometimes, and not so much at others! LOL - She is definitely the alpha female - boss mare.
In August, my most favourite cat died. Amy was only two years old, and an absolutely beautiful Burmese cross cat. She was such a wonderful companion - I've never had such a great cat before. But like many other times, for a whole month I had an intuition that my time with her was limited. At this time, I put my house on the market, and decided that I wanted to move back to a more populated area. I kept wondering how Amy would adjust to city life, as she was a tremendous hunter and loved hunting the gophers and mice in my pasture, and keeping the mice away in the barn.
Amy slept in the barn at night, (or hunted) and came in during the day, where she'd sleep on my lap at the computer, or on my drafting table when I was painting. But the intuition that my time was getting less, was becoming more and more prevalent. August 23rd she went to the door to be let out into the night. I knew that it would be the last time I saw her. I picked her up and hugged her, and told her I loved her - that she was my most favourite cat. I thought about not putting her out, but she would have made a fuss and been a terror all night. So out she went, and sure enough, the coyotes woke me at 3:30 am and I knew she was gone. I still miss her so much - even though I have her younger sister. Amy was one of a kind - and I'm grateful that I had the little time that I did with her.
In September, my dad was diagnosed with cancer and given a week to live. I did see him before he passed away. It was extremely difficult, as he was very drugged and in and out of lucidity. He did know that I was there, and I was able to say my good-byes. He passed away on September 22.
My mom's divorce was finally settled in November, and I was able to get rid of all the negativity that surrounded that event. Should anyone ask me, I would tell them, don't bother fighting over "stuff" - it's just not worth it. There is no amount of money in the world that makes up for the lost time, stress and negativity that this invokes. It is a complete and utter waste of time and energy.
The good news? Well grief is definitely for those left behind. I've had my time to finally grieve all the losses of this year, feel and be sad, and now I feel totally re-born. I feel confident, vital and vibrant - rejoicing in knowing I have good friends around me, and a whole world of possibilities ahead of me.
I'm taking a trip to the Dominican Republic in January, my first vacation in 20 years. I will be buying myself the vehicle I always wanted (a Rav 4), and taking a trip to Europe to go on an art tour in the spring of 2009. My creativity has been sparked, and I'm drawing and painting again! I have new graphics programs that are sparking my interest, and so many things that I want to do and learn. Once I move, I will be taking my masters in art - something I've always wanted.
Oh, and thanks to a very dear friend, I am taking a course that is helping my online business. Although it is challenging, it has helped immeasurably. It's so great to be able to focus on the positive things in my life again, instead of being sucked into the vortex of negativity of others.
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| Intuition, Reflection and Rejoicing |
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