LIVING MY LIFE FOR ME posted 12/28/2008 8:35:19 AM | 2 kudos what's this?     report abuse

pinkypaula2

i have always put others first left out what is important healthy in my life
i was married 23 years to an abusive ex husband mentally/physically walked on egg shells many years, i have been seperated since 2001 i have been more independant more determined in my life than i have ever been, my ex use to tell me i was stupid that i would never make anything out of my life well i may not be rich i may be living with manic bi-polar but im no longer having to put up with his controling ways, some people ask me how why did i live like that for so long, well back then a lot of women did thinking they couldnt make it on their own, afraid to fly like a little baby bird, well now im out and on my own and im still working on myself learning to love me the person god created in his image knowing im worthy of his love yes i have been on an emotional roller coaster but when im on the high end of bipolar manic i dont take my meds because you get to the place that you dont think you need them, but i do, my ex use to call me stupid all sorts of names wasnt really sure what was wrong i wasnt diagnosed with this until i left him, i kind of felt like a robot living with my ex he knew which buttons to push and i knew how to act what to say not say where to go not go, i made myself a promise i will never ever live my life like that again, even if it means being single the rest of my life, im happy here with my son and his wife and my two grandaughters i feel so much love its a kind of love that i have never experienced before i fell wanted and needed my two grandaughters have so much love for me, i know that i am not stupid i can do all things through christ who strengths me i was in church at one time everytime the doors were open it was an outlet to get out of the house away from my ex but he would sometimes take my bible and throw it across the room cussing me that would hurt so bad i got out of church but i have never forgot what god has done for me his words are still wrote within my heart sometimes we can get stobborn and run like a child from his her parent and god is just waiting with open arms, i do not go to church right now but church is in my heart i pray more now than i have in a long time, and since i have joined md has brought me back to where i need to be, i have met some wonderful people on here they help lift my spirits encourage me, im so happy to live my life for me with the help of god leading me our god is an awesome god i shall not be ashamed of the gospel of christ

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