I suddenly find myself in a crowd
of people,
of intelligent life,
of contacts, flirtations, complexities.
One thing you have to understand about me
I'm just coming back to life.
You see, I died and was reborn.
I'm not the same person
I was two, or especially ten or twenty years ago
Recently,
When I started writing such
painfully honest and explicit
Accounts of my "snails and adventure"
I hadn't realized
until then, how much I'd changed
And how everything changed
Once I no longer had living parents
That was the turning point
When I truly realized my own mortality
And my own sense of being
A real person in this world
Interacting with other real people
Cos' even if you're fake
You are real
Someone is sending those messages
There's a brain on the other end of the fibre optic line
Two (or sometimes one) eyes reading this
You know who you are
Not any one of you in particular
YOU, the perceiver.
YOU, the thinker
You, who, like me, live in your own thoughts
I am me
I think, too
Let me tell you honestly
at least who I think I am
After all, we're always changing
And let me try to
put it in as few words as possible...
Yeah, right!
I'll start by telling you
I am an infinity of possibilities
Within finite means
Yet amazingly resourceful!
I do not merely survive
I LIVE.
There's a difference.
When was the last time
you felt passionate about
anything or anybody?
I do perpetually
Because I know one thing's for certain
EVERYTHING is subject to change
AND...
someday I'm gonna die
.
Oh, don't look like that!
It's only morbid
If you waste too much time
worrying about it.
ANYWAY,
this is why
Einstein said
Time is relative
Not just relative
to the gravitational pull
of gigantic objects
like stars
or black holes
Time is relative
to each person
It speeds up
and slows down
According to what you're dealing with
It flies when you're having fun.
It drags when you're sitting in line at the DMV...
The only reason time matters
Is that time will end
for each of us
At least, our body clocks will run down
Frozen in time
Like my father
How he lives in my memory
I have died:
I drowned and was clinically dead
I was seriously injured in a car crash
I've had two bad motorcycle wrecks
I had an anaphylactic reaction to antibiotics
and was in a coma for three days
I had my appendix burst on the operating table...
The point I'm making is this:
I know I won't be here forever
So, sometimes I get impatient
And try to make time slow down or life speed up
So I can fit a lot of living in
So I can finish my work here
So I can drink life to the dregs
Suck all the juice
from that magic lemon drop
But what a big head I get, sometimes
when I think that I know something
or that my passion is unique
That's why I need my friends
to correct me from outside
because I'm inside
and I don't always know
what's going on
It might be the 
I know one thing
I love people
and that doesn't make me weak or vulnerable
It makes me happy!!!!      
I love you, love yourselves
It gets better.
That's one thing I can promise.
Peace!
Deda 
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| Love, Death, Relativity of Time. |
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