For those of you who are anxiously awaiting it …here it is, Part II: Finding a Woman That Is Worth Your Time
Men have many jokes about what type of woman is “worthwhile”. One common preference is that she is about 3 feet tall, toothless, mute and has a flat head to rest your beer on. Unfortunately, there are too few of these women to go around – forcing you to find one who fits into a slightly different category.
1. What In The Hell Are You Looking For?
When you head down to Northern Equipment, do you have ANY CONCEPT of what type of a tool you’re hoping to locate? In other words, you are going to have to put some ACTUAL THOUGHT into what you’re after.
Make yourself a chart and rate how important each of these elements are to you using numerical 1-10 scales.
Brains ** Beauty ** Over-the-top sex drive ** Has housework skills ** Has cooking skills ** Has children ** Will at least like MY children ** Drinks ** Smokes ** Has pets ** Likes pets ** Has a job ** Makes a lot of money at her job ** Will let me sit on my ass while she supports me ** Skinny ** Easygoing ** Good sense of humor ** Low maintenance ** Likes sports ** Will let me sit on my ass while I watch sports ** Likes to travel ** Likes to get out of the house and do things ** Has common interests ** Is younger than I am ** Is older than I am ** Is about the same age as I am ** Likes objects with engines ** Can change oil ** Can rebuild a transmission ** Can do bodywork ** Has her own equipment **
These are the MINIMUM REQUIREMENTS! If you have any sense at all, you’ll add lots of other things to this list.
2. Time To Pick Up Your Spear…
The hunt is on. Take your handy dandy list …and start by selecting all women IN YOUR STATE within a TEN YEAR age range. That means 10 years OLDER as well as 10 years YOUNGER.
3. Picture Perfect, But She Sounds Like A Bitch
“Sweet” and “gorgeous” don’t necessarily go hand in hand. Even if her photo is genuinely awful, open up her profile and READ IT. Cross check it against your handy-dandy list to see if she has what you want.
Give each lady a 1-10 score based on how close she comes to what you want.. IGNORE THE PHOTO. I have met lots of people who looked nothing like their photo. Especially memorable was a guy who lived several states away. After a few weeks, we decided to meet in person for dinner, We each drove several hundred miles to make that happen.
I didn’t recognize him when I saw him,since he was roughly 150 lbs heavier and 10 years older than the photo that was posted. No shit. If it hadn’t been his birthday, I would have driven around the block and gotten back onto the highway when I saw him standing in the designated location. Yes, this proves I have a heart… and besides, I was hungry.
4. How Does She Look When She’s On Top???
Take the 10 girls that you’ve rated the highest, and print out their profiles. READ their profiles a couple of times.
If a woman says “I am in a relationship” or “I am married” … THROW HER PROFILE OUT. I don’t care if she looks like Reese Witherspoon. If she said “Do not contact me”, then she does NOT want to hear from you!
While you’re in there reading her profile, read her blogs, posts, or anything else associated with her (tests, maybe). That is the only way you’ll find out anything more detailed about her. Ask yourself “Could I deal with someone whose blogs all talk about techniques she uses to clean her horse barn?”
One more thing … pay close attention to her last Login date. If it has been over three months, throw her profile out. She’s lost interest in everyone. And, if you are on a site that requires payment before she can respond… don’t bother writing unless she’s a paid member, too. It’s like teaching a pig to sing … it will only frustrate you and annoy the pig.
5. Top Ways To Shoot Yourself in the Foot
It is finally time to make contact. To guarantee that she won’t respond, do the following:
(a) Give her your Yahoo address or IM screen name.
(b) Use endearing terms like “Angel”, “Sweetheart”, or “Beautiful”.
(c) Talk about how you were “widowed and have one child”.
(d) Give her your phone number and invite her to call.
(e) Tell her you are willing to relocate.
Instead, USING THE INFORMATION IN HER PROFILE, write something along these lines:
(a) Wow, I didn’t put it in my profile, but I like to read books about mucus, too!
(b) Just curious – how many horses do you have? Have you ever tried “Manure Busters Wash and Spray”? I used to have a couple of Palaminos, and I found that was the most effective cleaning solution on the market.
(c) My favorite beach is “Sunrise Sands” in Albequerque, NM. Have you ever been there?
(d) I loved your blog about making pickle soup! I recently made a batch of chocolate chip and jalapeno soup – would you like the recipe?
Your piece of correspondence does not have to be long. In fact, the two guys on this site that I had the most fantastic relationships with sent me a ONE LINE E-MAIL the first time. If you write something really lengthy, you are taking a chance that you will say something that she doesn’t like, and you’ll never hear from her.
Next … Part III: What To Do When She Writes Back
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| How To Turn Off Women, Part II: A Guide for Men |
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