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The Do’s And Don’t’s of French Ticklers

posted 1/13/2009 5:30:26 PM |
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After considerable study of an article about them in Playboy, and lengthy, though at times blurry, perusal of the pictures on the front of a condom vending machine in my favorite tavern , I decided to build the world’s ultimate French Tickler.

Being a starving student at the time, I had a very limited manufacturing capability, but undaunted, I proceeded to work to accomplish my goal. I was the proud possessor of a few cheap standard condoms, and though they were of considerable age, they had, sadly, not seen service. I figured I could dress them up a bit to make French delights.

I unrolled one onto a long thin glass bottle, the kind Alka Seltzers were sold in at the time. I had lots of those bottles, leftovers from self medication on Saturday and Sunday mornings, recovering from some rather formidable beer drinking sprees, that same beer probably being the reason the condoms were, alas, unused. But I digress.

Once the condom was stretched tight on the bottle, I unlimbered a tube of a new, little known wonder substance, silicone rubber. It was a tube of aquarium cement I seem to recall, designed to stand up even to deep emersion. I knew that was important. If you just touched the tip of the tube to the condom and pulled it away quickly, it left a nice little rubber whisker, attached at the base, and tapering to a fine point at the end of its quarter inch length. Perfecto! I decorated three condoms with multiple rows of little whiskers, and let them dry. It was difficult to roll them back up, but hey, it was a labor of love, and I did what I had to. I put them by my bed, to await deployment. Never did it occur to me that the original fine layer of powder on the condoms should have been removed. I was too enthralled with other, more amorous contemplations.

I had a friend Andrea, who was occasionally a lover. One enchanted evening, I lured her to my bed, and thought I would surprise her with the extraordinary stimulation of my new creations. We always used something to stave off unwanted parenthood, so she was completely unaware of my arming my middle leg with the home brew French tickler. She responded wildly, and we had a rather vigorous and lengthy frolic, although it surprised me that toward the end, she grew inured to the tickler’s stimulating effect. The evening passed very well, indeed.

Later, after I took her back to her dorm, I retired, weary with love’s labors. As I got into bed, I noticed some silicone whiskers in the sheets. Aha ! They fell off toward the end ! That is why her responses had mellowed. I changed sheets, and enjoyed, in sweet dreams, a reprise of our evening’s lovemaking.

All went well until several days later, when Andrea called, very much agitated. It seems her mons venus had turned into a mount Vesuvius, erupting from time to time with little things that looked like chocolate chips, only skinnier, clear and transparent, and sort of rubbery. Oh dear ! Oh Dear !!

A lesser man would have lied, or remained silent. A moral fellow in my youth, I told the truth. I sang, and danced and cajoled and promised, and swore never again, and after considerable verbal insubordination on her part, she forgave me.

French Ticklers:

Do - Do use them for a wild evening of fun and frolic !

Don’t - Don’t forget to wash off that d_mn powder if you are a do-it -yourselfer !

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Jan 13 @ 5:43PM  

all the wonders of youth

Jan 13 @ 6:10PM  
great blog!

Jan 13 @ 6:20PM  
What a great story....
from a great story teller!
Thank you for sharing with us!

Jan 13 @ 6:51PM  
One enchanted evening
??? Then did you sing 'Happy talk, keep talking happy talk' ? Loved the music from South Pacific

Jan 13 @ 7:41PM  

Jan 13 @ 10:16PM  
I enjoyed that ... very cute

Jan 13 @ 10:31PM  

Jan 14 @ 12:29AM  
lol you old do-it-your selfer!!!!!

Jan 14 @ 4:37PM  
I was the proud possessor of a few cheap standard condoms, and though they were of considerable age, they had, sadly, not seen service. I figured I could dress them up a bit to make French delights.

That's the way to go! Personally, I always find great uses for my expired prophylactics (btw...a diaphragm fits perfect in a set tub drain, that's if you are not using it as a bathing cap for your cat).

Jan 14 @ 4:51PM  

Feb 1 @ 6:05PM  
funny . ..maybe you needed ..Professional advice??
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