PMS posted 1/14/2009 12:20:00 PM | 1 kudo what's this?     report abuse tagged: humor, spiritual, spirit, medicine

JackfromtheBox

It’s time to talk about something that only a man can tell you women. You will never hear this from another woman. You girls own this like it’s your inheritance. You embrace it like it is your right. This is about your red badge of courage. How dare I, a mere man, tell you anything about it? How dare I elicit your wrath by suggesting something that you refuse to believe?

This is about PMS.

IT IS ALL IN YOUR HEAD!

[NOTE: Is there anything I won’t say to get comments? Good or bad?]

Since everything is an illusion, please allow me to analyze and dissect this malady from such a perspective. I, too, have suffered for years under it, although perhaps not as much as most of you (oops… understatement?). You won’t ever hear this from a doctor or read about it in a journal. It is not in their best interests. It does not add to the current body of knowledge. It merely connects two areas that don’t seem related.

I could approach this topic from the perspective of diet. Diet is important, but my focus is going to be on the spiritual, or the metaphysical. Of course, if we ate the perfect diet, PMS would surely be reduced, just like the need for toilet paper. This is true for any pain, including the discomforts of pregnancy, the headaches from human interaction, to the act of stubbing your toe on a set of barbells that lie in the middle of a room.

Every pain has an emotional source that is linked to beliefs that allow it to happen. Beliefs are the building blocks that are behind DNA. DNA is simply an explanation which we’ve created to allow us to think that they are the building blocks of life. The beliefs that surround PMS go way back. They are strong, very ingrained, and can easily pass from generation to generation. We rarely challenge such beliefs, simply because we probably wouldn’t be here without them.

So why did these beliefs occur in the first place? Let’s imagine that you’re the first woman and that you just had the first period. Ouch! Euwwwwww! How and why would God, if he existed, create something that is supposed to be regularly painful and discomforting? Imagine what God would be saying to you, if you existed…

“What? You wasted an egg? You lost an entire month of reproduction? And now you need to resurface your uterus for the next egg? Grrrrrrrrr…. We’ll need to do something so this never happens again.”

[NOTE: The last statement above is also the source of corporate America’s typical response to work related injuries.]

Of course, the problem is not necessarily yours, but the guilt is there. This guilt has to be expelled somewhere, probably as pain or discomfort, which can always be shared with those around you. Hence, PMS came into being, and life was never the same again. If you are a female experiencing this state, your male counterpart will undoubtedly hear about this.

In the spirit of killing two birds with one stone, which spirit finds so efficient, the probability of winding up with a new partner increases dramatically with the pain and discomfort of PMS. In other words, because you aren’t pregnant, improved reproduction might be achieved by having both partners find new partners. As God would say, “Voila!”

This certainly doesn’t conflict with the basic concepts of evolution, either. Of course, Spirit and evolution never conflict anyway.

It may conflict with the tenants of most religions, though, but mating for life is all about avoiding diseases and tracking bloodlines. It does conflict with the concept of overpopulation, but that is a new issue whose answer hasn’t been entirely resolved or evolved, yet. STD’s were created by the emotional source known as jealousy, but that is also another story.

How do we throw our eggs away gracefully and joyfully? Painlessly and ecstatically? Is it possible to perform an ‘about face’ on this issue after almost every generation before us has thought and believed differently about it? Is everything still an illusion? Is this only another illusion? Can we change our beliefs so instantly that the beliefs of thousands upon thousands of previous generations can be ignored?

Absolutely!!

[If you don’t believe it, then there is no chance in hell that you can make it work for you.]

Jesus could do it. Unfortunately, he, like me, was only a man. If he was a woman, he would simply reset his beliefs so that PMS would not occur to him. He would simply reach a level of awareness or understanding that would preempt the guilt of not reproducing with this particular egg, or any egg for that matter.

You know, if he was a woman, we would never have heard the end of it. Can you imagine how the course of history would have changed if he/she had been a woman… and had severe PMS?

Granted, if he was a woman, it might take him a month or two (how about 40 days?) for his hormones to change to match his new beliefs. Of course, if he was really as good as the Bible says, or better, it would or could be instantaneous. Heck, I’m sure that when Jesus got kicked in the balls, he didn’t fall to his knees. He simply told himself that it was all in his mind.

Most beliefs change only after considerable repetition with affirmations. We are all just beginners, especially considering all the antagonistic authority in all the present cultures that constantly push us in other, opposing, and consuming directions from the minute that we’re born. To be successful, you almost have to be certifiably crazy. Authority figures, and the sheep that follow them, will probably want to crucify you.

Good luck!

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