A Hell of a Saleman,,, in a highway Rest Stop. posted 2/4/2009 6:50:21 PM | 6 kudos what's this?     report abuse tagged: scams

bardnsage

Just south of Columbia,,, and the call of nature had to be answered. I popped into the rest stop, and walked into the local Rest Stop. It was the standard fair,,, tile everywhere,,,metal fixtures,,, etc. However, there was something unusual, as there was a crowd of about 15 guys standing there, listening to a young man giving a speech. As he was standing in front of the urinals, it was either wait for him to finish, or pee in the sink.

I guess I could have gone into the stall, but the guy was entertaining. Great facial expressions, good movement, good voice,,,,, more than skilled enough to sell Sham Wow's or OxyClean on TV. He was going on about how bad the economy was.

Now for you ladies, this is highly unusual behavior as it violates the code of the public toilet, and especially the Rest Stop public toilet. It's an unwritten law, recorded in invisible ink, for all men to know and learn,,, right beside the rules for locker room etiquette. You go in, you don't talk, you go to your station, you do your business, you zip up, you wash your hands (OK, some guys skip this one), and you leave. You don't look over the little partition between the urinals, or the imaginary one if your particular rest room doesn't have the regular kind. If you get caught looking, you might get your ass kicked,,,, right there, right then, by everyone in the place. You look over at a kid, and you WILL GET YOUR ASS KICKED by everyone in there,,, no vote is required.

So, it's highly unusual to find a guy in the stall doing a sales pitch. For it soon became obvious that this guy was doing just that. Selling. He was pulling out all the stops. The economy is so bad, and I've got hungry kids to feed, and the church van is broken down out of gas out on the interstate,,,,, and for $5.00, you can see me take the chewing gum out of the urinal and chew it.

Now folks, this is one of the most original pitches I've ever heard. A mix of several old pan handling classics, with the twist of a reality TV show, and Fear Factor, all rolled into one very polished pitch. The guys in the rest room were mesmerized. Some started reaching for their wallets. I couldn't believe it; they were being duped by the con man, a good one - but still a con man. We used to pull this trick in high school,,, it's a slight of hand trick,,, easy.

ok,,,, my bladder is about to rupture like a water balloon being tossed around by Edward Scissorhands,,,,, this guy has to go.

I got out my wallet, pulled out a fifty, and put it in my pocket. I rolled up my sleeve, walked up to guy, and stood in front of him. "Excuse me", I said. He moved slightly and I stuck my sleeveless hand in the urinal, pulled out the gum, and held it up at eye level. With my other hand, I pulled the fifty.

"I'll give you this fifty,,, but I have to put this gum in your mouth."

Silence,,,, everyone watching,,,, slow wave on the fifty, tilt of the head, and raised eyebrows,,,, "well?"

"You’re just an asshole man." and he walked out. The crowd just looked at me, and I went to the sink my wash my urine soaked hand, and to toss the gum in the trash.

"Sorry guys. But I have to pee, and that dude was in the way."

As I drove out, feeling much better,,,, I thought about how our government is telling us that everything is awful, the government van out of gas on the highway, and they need more of our money to get it going again. It may be true, but I'm not willing to chew the gum that comes from their hand,,,, because I know where their hands have been.

Now that I was empty, I needed a drink. I know it's a vicious cycle; pee,water,pee,water,,,, but I still took the next exit a few more miles down the road to fuel the car and get some water. There was the guy, gassing up his sedan. I guess he left the church van on the side of the road. Or maybe, just maybe,,,, he was going to take advantage of the sign in the store door,,, that said,,, HELP WANTED.

He's a hell of a salesman.

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