Romp in the Hay or LTR? posted 2/7/2009 10:09:36 PM | 8 kudos what's this?     report abuse tagged: relationship, love, dating

EquuisdancerDbndon

Getting started is the hardest part of developing any quality relationship. Some might not think so, but then perhaps we should look to the contradiction of their results before affirming their argument.

Really, how does one get started once you’ve been relegated by some as “over the hill”? Those of us who are a bit older are no less affectionate or passionate, just more experienced, and often a little gun-shy about this dating thing. We’re less willing to “jump” and often, in fact, need a “push” to get going. Some of us are still open for the occasional romp in the hay, but most are not -- outwardly, anyway. In fact, many of us want a true long term relationship. The problem is, some of us may not really know how to get it started.

Let’s talk about what Dancer once called the “knowing and growing together.” She wasn’t addressing me with that comment way back when but, because I was stalking her back in those days, I heard it nonetheless.

Some think of sex as a type of friendly get together and a type of relationship-persuasion/starter. They class it as the beginning of a relationship, rather than the midpoint or an expression of love. Of course, that activity can be the main enticement for many couples to “hook up,” but is that truly the way to start a true and lasting relationship? (Then again . . . stalking worked for me!)

Some think of sex as love, but it is really just the yearning of the hormones, an inherited animal instinct. True love between a man and a woman is many faceted and its origin ALWAYS begins in the mind. When there is a real meeting of the minds, the closeness, kindness, and consideration of a great and endearing romance naturally follows because a strong and bonding foundation is formed. When that happens, what we call sex is naturally replaced by the shared tenderness of sharing physical love and the whole body is then used as an outward expression of the desire of the mind, rather than just the pacifying of screaming hormones, to express love.

A few of us know the technique of romancing of the hand as a beginning of seduction. That’s a fun technique that should be learned by most guys, but never mind that for the moment (Dancer seems to like it and says it turns her into a puddle!) First, though, there must be something --some attraction -- of the mind allowing affectionate and passionate feelings to advance. This doesn’t always come easily.

Like me, Dancer agrees, and has stated, that, "seduction of the mind is a powerful thing! It leads into knowing how your partner really thinks and feels on a whole different level, and leaves a solid base to build only upwards on. The hugs, kisses and closeness and caring up the ending to a place a lot of people search for but never will find!” (Worked for me!!)

That’s very true. Unless getting sex is actually the primary goal -- the only goal -- starting there puts the cart before the horse when the end desire is a lasting and real love. That is not to say that there should be a time limit on any of this; neither of us believes that at all. The fact is, things happen at different rates for different couples. The problem starts when people put a time limit -- for or against -- on this and end up missing what could be a good relationship.

I for one most certainly would not ever think of sex as something to get out of the way in the beginning. Rather, I believe that once the foundation of romance and love is firmly built in the minds of two people, the shared experience of slow seduction of the body that leads to making love, rather than just having sex, begins in earnest and their minds use their bodies as an outward sign of an expression of real love.

Of course, the occasional romp is great fun, too. Not the first couple times, though . . . c’mon now, that’s no way to build a lasting memory for a great long-term relationship.

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Blogs by EquuisdancerDbndon: From the Teeth of the Lion to the Dandelion Happy (noisy) Holliday Happy Memorial Day? Dancers’ Add-on to Dbn’s Blog yesterday Just Us The First Date is Over… The world's Best First Date Dancer takes Don Home to the Country Does Affection Stop With Age? A day in our life -- thinking Valentines What a Ride! Romp in the Hay or LTR? How Many Rounds? An Interesting Experience Adapting! PART 2 Observations, and One Guy's Point of View Another New Experience A Trip to the Long Lost Past An Interesting Experience Adapting? Winter Fun And then the fight started... Love, or Anti-Love, Drug He said, She said . . . Stumbling Along on this Trip Called Life What is Love?