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when kindness bites

posted 2/26/2009 7:13:05 PM |
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  classic57

each day of my life I try to do a random act of kindness.... there is one lady that lives close to me who is raising 4 of her grandkids.... and sence I live alone I try to help her when I can... with what I can.... I never ask anything in return except her friendship.... today I ended the friendship..... I dont understand why... when you help someone ... all of a sudden they expect you to do everything for them... and get pissed when you dont jump.... this past winter I bought her wood when she had none.... I unthawd her water pipes that had froze up... I carry lots of food to her.... she has owed me money that I have said never mind paying me back .. ( when I really didnt have the money to give )... the other day I jumped started my truck and went down the road to get her wood to stay warn ended up with two nails in my tire... I didnt ask for anything.... my reward for all my kindness was to be hung up on today because I didnt jump up and run over her house when she wanted me to... ( mainly because I was working )....people will take advantage of kindness.... and will start expecting.... I hate that things ended this way but... I didnt deserve this kinda treatment from her....

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Comments:
luneib

Feb 26 @ 7:33PM  
I'm sorry to hear you had to end the friendship. I had to do that too with a good friend of mine. She had wanted me to go to her house to stay over, to put my life in danger as she got some strange phone call about a drug dropoff at her place, she never even did drugs, but she did not live in a good area. She said I was not a good friend because as she put it, if I was, I would have gone to her apartment to stay with her, uh no, I was not putting my life in danger too. I told her to have the police drive by every now and then. I would never put her in danger, I would never even think to ask her to do that for me. 20 years of friendship, poof, gone. I was the one who brought her a birthday cake when her own family did not remember her birthday. I was the one she asked to drive her to get free meds when she lost her job and my bf and I drove her to pick them up and we do not live close to her either. I was the one who took her places, craft shows, the beach, lifted her walker into my car, I was the one who paid for part of a motel room when she was too tired to drive home from our place and she didn't have the money to pay it in full. I did more than I had to, and she said I was not a good friend, grrrrrrr.

I know, people don't appreciate the kindness you show towards them, they feel as 'though it's expected. I believe in randam acts of kindness too. It's a shame people act the way they do.

I loaned a friend $300 once for his rent, he swore he would pay it back, he never did, it's when I didn't have enough money for myself that week, I worked one job, he worked two, what a creep.

I guess we both have big hearts and get taken advantage of. It's so sad that people can't just be nice.
ttomtarr

Feb 26 @ 8:17PM  
I like to make a small charge for favors, even if it is a whole lot less than what the favor is worth.

It is often a sense of indebtedness that destroys friendships, and even a token payment can prevent a lopsided friendship from deteriorating.

I am glad to help people, especially older friends, but have found if I don't accept an offered token of their appreciation, they are sometimes ashamed to ask for help another time.

If they offer to pay me, I take it. There is a grace in recieving as well as a grace in giving. Sometimes, pride is all a poor person has left, and I would never want to take that fom him. A token payment lets him keep it.

I also have Ttomtarr's pot theory. I can't always repay a favor, but I can put into the pot at least as much as I take out.. With my present good health and good fortune, I am putting some credit in the pot. Later, when I am older or sick, I won't feel bad about taking a good bit out of the pot.

You certainly don't deserve rudeness in exchange for your kindness. You might choose the next recipient of your help more carefully. There are many needy good people who will give you the gratitude you deserve.
here4yoo

Feb 26 @ 9:18PM  
Wow, TTom, I have a pot theory, too! Ass, Gas, or Grass, NO ONE rides for free! I know, I know, gauche to laugh at one's own jokes, right?

But seriously, folks, and this is for you, Classic, and Lunes, some folks are like those Black Holes in space. Ever read about em? These great, swirling vortexes out in other galaxies. They suck in EVERYTHING. Energy, matter, whole planets and solar systems. Other stars. They take as if what they take was nothing. They take, and take, and take, and nothing ever comes out. Then they take more. Galactic vacuum cleaners.

That's some peeps. No matter how much goes in, nothing ever comes back. Some folks are Black Holes. I really don't think they mean anything personally, it's not a malice thing. It's more that they're possessed of a tremendous, bottomless sense of entitlement that is never satisfied, and hence, never happy, and never fulfilled. Consider yourselves lucky you didn't get sucked in.
pinkypaula2

Feb 26 @ 9:57PM  
i agree with whats been said, no you didnt deserve to be treated like that, but its people like us that they use we are like targets,magnets,vurnable easy to be taken advantage of i have gave and gave and gave, and didnt expect anything in return except a thank you and a kind heart someone who appreciated me good blog classic
burdinep

Feb 26 @ 10:59PM  
sorry you were treated that way....its is easy for people to expect things from other but really sad when they forget that an act of kindness in these days is a gift...not a right....i hope her actions dont change your kindness
classic57

Feb 27 @ 2:23AM  
thank you for all your kind thoughts
justme836

Feb 27 @ 8:20AM  
Scatter your kindness. Once you continue to give to the same people they tend to expect it. Give what and when you can to whomever needs it and never expect a return.

Being used is no fun. Not everyone is greedy and I am sad that you met a greedy one.

Bless you for helping someone in need. God will reward you.

imlost2

Feb 27 @ 10:30AM  
When a person gives, they should not expect anything back in return, because you are giving. That is the point of giving of yourself. However, what is expected is respect. Kindness is given for free and cost nothing. The least a person can do is return the kindness back when someone helps you, and that is expected. If she cannot at least do that much, I don't blame you because she did not appreciate and value your friendship. I think you were right or she'd just take advantage of you being generous. Take care Lost
sybnann

Feb 27 @ 12:36PM  
I agree that we should give all that we can to whomever we can,... I will add though we also have to take care of ourselves, and I know you did the right thing by ending this relationship. I hesitate to call it a friendship because friends do for each other, even if it's a sincere "thank you" or a lot of friendship love. She was abusing your kindness and probably thought, as nice as you are, that you would continue to "jump" when she called. I applaud your decision..

And here4yoo, YOU are just too funny! [e32
]
lily799

Mar 9 @ 6:23PM  
Some people are masters at taking advantage of kindness. They will suck you dry. Random acts of kindness are best, when they don't know who was kind to them. You can feel good about yourself, because you helped, but expect nothing in return. Sorry, this lady treated you badly, but you can know in your heart that you are a good person. Bless you and please don't stop helping fellow humans because of this bad experience. What goes around comes around and you will be treated kindly someday in the future when you need it most.
RavinLunatic

Jun 11 @ 10:27AM  
Yep, time to move on. You find who your real friends are in time. Most times when we give too much we enable people that are weak. Then the unfriends will become angry and strike at you when you no longer can give to them.
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when kindness bites