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being chosen as the object of one's affection...or as the default who will be chosen IF the original is not available, My Mom and I talked about this recently. Back when she was young, people "dated". It gave them a chance to get to know each other before they "went steady". That was when you were "chosen".
It seems like today we "go steady" immediately, and I think that is where the problems come in. Everyone is so anxious to attach to someone.
I am guilty of this, too, and I have been thinking that maybe I should "date" the way my Mom did. You get a chance to build up some faith in a person. You see how they treat you (do they ignore you? do they complain at you all the time? do they seem really genuinely happy to see you?). You are able to match their actions with their words better because you can be a little more detached..
I'm sure this isn't going to go over well with the "datees", but if it is just casual, I guess you don't have to tell them about it. It is not a "relationship" at that point.
I'm sorry you've felt like you were 2nd string, Fran. Been there, got the T-shirt. But I've been rummaging through my closet and THROWING THEM OUT! 
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