Father Albert Cutie of Miami is in a heap of trouble. He was caught in the act (al flagrante , , , they say in Spanish) of being heterosexual. Bet no one would have batted an eye if he had been on the beach with a man. If he had been with a boy, they would have moved him to a bigger Catholic church in another city.
Well, in addition to my Back to Nature Escort Service, I am fighting the Depression by starting . . .
"Bubba Mountain Lion's Authentic Ole South Creek Indian Medicine Man Advice Service"
Here is my advice for Father . . . I mean Brother Cutie.
1. Become a Maronite priest! You can stay in the Church and have a hot Lebonese wife like Paula Abdul. She's Maronite. The Maronite Catholic priests are allowed to be normal males.
2. Become a Russian Orthodox priest! Orthodox priests are encouraged to marry! To amend for your recent sins, you could start a special ministry for rescuing Russian and Ukraine girls, who were abducted to be sex slaves in the Middle East. Have you noticed how good looking the Slavic girls have become since they are no longer communists? They will need lots of therapy, though!
3. Become a Southern Baptist preacher for a big chuch in a small Southern town. You can have serial flings with all the hotties in the church choir and everyone will think you are normal. They'll be relieved that you are not Gay . . . or gasp, a Democrat Libural. It is important to be in a large enough church so that there enough available hotties for each month of the year.
Quote of the century
Below is a segment of the last printed article that Father Cutie published:
What advice do you give to single people about finding a mate who's right for them?
People usually come to me with a very definite idea of who the ideal person is for them. It usually has to do with some physical characteristic. I tell them: That's not important. What is important is seeking out someone you can love and give your life to. You have to base your search for a mate on the capacity to form those strong and lasting relationships.
What is the biggest impediment in today's society to forming strong and lasting relationships?
The biggest issue is courtship and how people meet. There are things like speed-dating, where people say they are too busy to spend a lot of time getting to know someone and want to form a lasting relationship based on just a couple of dates.
When people are serious about a relationship today, they have to be careful not to fall into the traps that are out there. For example, rushing into physical intimacy. The relationship begins with the carriage in front of the horse. We rush into this very deep aspect of the relationship before we know each other, before we share our common values and goals for life. People are getting hurt left and right. In my book, I talk about how to establish the foundations first.
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| There is a FUTURE for the "fallen" priest in Miami! |
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