In one of the forums, a discussion kind of evolved about the fact that it wasn't so long ago, women had an expectation of staying at home and taking care of the kids and the house while the man went out to be the breadwinner. More than one lady spoke up saying they wished it was still kind of that way.
I have to sort of disagree. I think it was demeaning that women were expected to be homemakers. I think it was a good thing that women were allowed to expand their roles and their participation in the decision-making roles in society. I would agree, though, with the implication that the pendulum has perhaps swung well past midpoint, and that too often nowadays ladies are expected to have a job and "hold up their end."
When I got married, I told my ex that she could do whichever she wanted. Stay at home, or work. But there were expectations either way. If she worked and I worked, we'd share housekeeping chores and such and pick up after ourselves. If I worked and she stayed home, she cooked instead of spending money eating out, and she took care of the house and the kids and the cats, and we'd figure out a way to give her some downtown, short of turning me into the equivalent of a "working single parent," who had to deal with all that on top of working, but not neglecting that she actually DID deserve some downtime too.
I'd go for the same deal, now. Of course there are no kids to worry about anymore. But if she wants to stay home and make her "job" taking care of the house and me, and is willing to live on what I make without bitching about the fact that for a two-person household we wouldn't be in the top 50%, she can stay home. If she wants to work part-time to elevate our lifestyle, no problem. If she has a career, and wants ME to stay home and take care of the house and the dogs and supplement her income and support her career goals with my job, no problem.
Wasn't that really what equality for women was all about? Not about being equal to men, but having an equal part in the decision-making process about what affects our lives, and having as much right to say what kind of life they want, rather than being pigeonholed into societal expectations?
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imlost2
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May 12 @ 8:06PM
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I understand that woman who said she kinda wished it was like that now because somehow I got to go to work AND, clean house, take care of the kids, pay the bills, mow the lawn, run to the dump, do laundry, doctors, extra school activities, all the while all my husband did was go to work and come home. My husband has passed away now going on four years and I remain both mom and dad since I still have at least one child in high school and am the only bread winner. So there you have it. I rarely if ever, see a dad who allows a mom to work only, while he goes to work and comes home, makes dinner, does laundry, cleans house etc etc etc. are there any out there? I bet there are more moms mulitasking still, what say you MD? Lost
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Nightowl001
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May 12 @ 8:18PM
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ImLost is right. There are stil too many guys who have a stereotyped notion that the house is the "woman's" domain, and that they have no responsbility to share in that workload. It's an area in which women are still seeking equality.
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ragtopcookie
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May 12 @ 8:51PM
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I think alot of the problem is how a son is sent out in this world.....before i left home...my mom showed me how to cook and do laundry....my dad taught me all the guy things.....appliance repair as well as car maintence....and general fixing stuff...but if youre not sure...you need to get advice....tring is one thing....but one can screw up what he dont know real fast....as for single parenting.....thats an on the job experience.....lots of asking others and trial and error....but i guess what it somes down to is mindset......youre going to help your spouce around the house rather if she works outside of it or not....or youre not.....a partnership sure works better than an everyday argument......cookie
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Peabianjay
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May 12 @ 9:14PM
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I grew up with a...uh....holistic (?) approach? Family was one. Not a bunch of us. When there was something to do....pretty much anything....we all were expected to help out. Not just mom & dad....but mom & dad & kids. Making dinner, doing laundry, cleaning up around the yard....whatever. Granted, there were times when we were "split up". Kids at school, dad at work, and mom at home doin' her thing.
The only time any of us got a break was when we all got a break.
I'd certainly want to apply your reasoning, Nightowl. If a wife of mine wanted to work outside the home....all the power to her!
As for all the rest....don't see that'd it make a difference. If there's stuff to do....we both (or all) do it. (It's more fun, anyway, doing any chore if you're doin' with people you care about!)
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Loreli
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May 12 @ 10:56PM
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I enjoy working.
But not if it meant leaving my children with a babysitter. (I'm mostly past that now 
I was fortunate to have family that helped with my boys, when I worked 3 pm to 11.
It's tough on single parents.
It's tough on married parents, but at least (hopefully) shifts can be staggered to care for kids......
But-how well can some care for their marriage then?
It's necessary for both to work, unless one makes a few hundred grand a year.
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Peabianjay
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May 12 @ 11:03PM
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Loreli: It's necessary for both to work, unless one makes a few hundred grand a year. Yes & no. 
Certainly, it's necessary for both to work....but not outside the home, and in fact, the opposite is true...
For lower income jobs, it's actually worth more to the bottom line if one parent stays home. It's not just the cost of daycare....it's also the cost of working (travel, clothing, food, etc.) as well as the money not saved. Dual income families don't have the time to make lunches, clip coupons, and so on.
A study I read (Macleans magazine) from ages ago (1985ish) showed that a 2nd income under $35k (Canadian) was a net loss. No idea what "the line" is now, but, no doubt it's higher than most people think.
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SpiritOrnery
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May 12 @ 11:37PM
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 Never thought of it that way but a great way of viewing it, Night. I never had anyone give me much of a choice. I think I have always had to support myself AND the man. AND the house. Crap. No wonder I adore YB. He actually DOES something and treats me like a flippin QUEEN at times.    
Great blog! You got me kudo! 
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Loreli
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May 13 @ 11:03AM
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I will add-
I know a couple that, together, made 100,000 plus overtime.
When she had her first (his 6th) baby, she quit.
He was paying child support on 3 children....I asked him how they were gonna make it. He said you get rid of what you don't need, and live differently.
I know it deeply touched him when I took in a garbage bag full of my daughter's old clothes. And, I took his words to heart.
Yes-a family can make it with one-either one-parent working. It depends on what people want in their lives. 
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