The 2006 True Stella Awards Winners
by Randy Cassingham
Issued 31 January 2007
#5: Marcy Meckler. While shopping at a mall, Meckler stepped outside and was "attacked" by a squirrel that lived among the trees and bushes. And "while frantically attempting to escape from the squirrel and detach it from her leg, [Meckler] fell and suffered severe injuries," her resulting lawsuit says. That's the mall's fault, the lawsuit claims, demanding in excess of $50,000, based on the mall's "failure to warn" her that squirrels live outside.
#4: Ron and Kristie Simmons. The couple's 4-year-old son, Justin, was killed in a tragic lawnmower accident in a licensed daycare facility, and the death was clearly the result of negligence by the daycare providers. The providers were clearly deserving of being sued, yet when the Simmons's discovered the daycare only had $100,000 in insurance, they dropped the case against them and instead sued the manufacturer of the 16-year-old lawn mower because the mower didn't have a safety device that 1) had not been invented at the time of the mower's manufacture, and 2) no safety agency had even suggested needed to be invented. A sympathetic jury still awarded the family $2 million.
#3: Robert Clymer. An FBI agent working a high-profile case in Las Vegas, Clymer allegedly created a disturbance, lost the magazine from his pistol, then crashed his pickup truck in a drunken stupor -- his blood-alcohol level was 0.306 percent, more than three times the legal limit for driving in Nevada. He pled guilty to drunk driving because, his lawyer explained, "With public officials, we expect them to own up to their mistakes and correct them." Yet Clymer had the gall to sue the manufacturer of his pickup truck, and the dealer he bought it from, because he "somehow lost consciousness" and the truck "somehow produced a heavy smoke that filled the passenger cab." Yep: the drunk-driving accident wasn't his fault, but the truck's fault. Just the kind of guy you want carrying a gun in the name of the law.
#2: KinderStart.com. The specialty search engine says Google should be forced to include the KinderStart site in its listings, reveal how its "Page Rank" system works, and pay them lots of money because they're a competitor. They claim by not being ranked higher in Google, Google is somehow infringing KinderStart's Constitutional right to free speech. Even if by some stretch they were a competitor of Google, why in the world would they think it's Google's responsibility to help them succeed? And if Google's "review" of their site is negative, wouldn't a government court order forcing them to change it infringe on Google's Constitutional right to free speech?
And the winner of the 2006 True Stella Award: Allen Ray Heckard. Even though Heckard is 3 inches shorter, 25 pounds lighter, and 8 years older than former basketball star Michael Jordan, the Portland, Oregon, man says he looks a lot like Jordan, and is often confused for him -- and thus he deserves $52 million "for defamation and permanent injury" -- plus $364 million in "punitive damage for emotional pain and suffering", plus the SAME amount from Nike co-founder Phil Knight, for a grand total of $832 million. He dropped the suit after Nike's lawyers chatted with him, where they presumably explained how they'd counter-sue if he pressed on.
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| Its time for the real Stella awards of 2006,geez |
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ragtopcookie
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May 19 @ 8:06AM
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I got one for ya....but the outcome was alot better.......two really........one......the first one......years ago..when i filed for divorce.....the ex signed the kids over to me...and i lowered the support she was suppose to pay...cause we ended up filing bankruptcy as well.....and i didnt want to burdden her too much money wise.......so she was paying well under the court ordered suppost at the time.....and over the years.....i never raised that support even though both of our wages went up.....well she took me to court eight diffrent times to get her support lowered.....and each time...the judge had to be made aware that it was me that had the kids and not her.....and once he had that all straightened out...he say that she wasnt really paying full support so he asked if i wanted to install full support and all the cost of living raises that the law said i was intilted to...but i never did it....i wanted both kids to know it wasnt about the money...but that i was holding her to what we agreed on years ago.....and 2......she got pregnant by a kid 14 years younger than her...they got married....had the kid and then divorced.....so he never paid one penny of support...so she figured if he didnt have to pay...she shouldnt have to as well.....and this went on for almost eight months.....i kept telling her shes getting far behind...and her words to me were.....you cant get blood out of a turnip.....not liking turnips myself....i put it into the hands of the court and they took her tax check that year...and then garnished her wages after that.....and she had the guts to call me up and tried to argure with me....i told her to take it up with the courts......  .....cookie
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justme836
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May 19 @ 8:17AM
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Hard to believe this crap happens. 
#5 and #1 are too be applauded for stupidity. 
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Wing_Zero_75
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May 19 @ 8:31AM
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As I put in one of my blogs, these people are so stupid they make mt brain cry. Though Im not sure which group is worse the courts or the people filing the suits.
wow
Larry
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bardnsage
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May 19 @ 8:43AM
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a jury of her peers
OH,,, there is your problem right there.
Lawsuits and such used to be settled on the grounds of Negligence.
Now,,, we are conditioned to think that if you got hurt, your body or your feelings,,, you get a check.
It's the new American Dream !!!!!
Please let me get hurt enough to collect, but heal fast enough to enjoy it.
One would scratch their head, and wonder why the laws and the courts continue to operate in this manner,,,,, as this is just the stuff that is truely driving health care and medication costs out of the roof,,,,
Just remember, most of the politicians are attorneys, and the OP could have easily posted,,,
Case #1 - attorney gets $500,000 for representing a pea brain that went to make a sandwhich while driving.
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observed50
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May 19 @ 8:43AM
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For the record, the case of Stella Liebeck is one of America's great cultural legends fostered on the American public as part of corporate and ideologue efforts to dismantle people's access to the courts. The effort to demonize trial lawyers who protect people against corporate power and excess as well as government intrusion and excess only assist everyday American's to believe against their best interests that the problem with courts isn't that law is stacked against the everyday person in favor of power, but that trial lawyers are ripoff artists.
i.e., Hate the stupid lawyers.
The real story of Stella Liebeck that hardly anyone knows, because the corporate media run with the hype, not the reality:
Her lawyer, Reed Morgan.
McDonalds coffee wasn't just hot. It was scalding hot, 180-190 degrees, a temperature that is capable of almost instantaneously destroying skin, flesh, and muscle tissue. Coffee at home and in the office is normally between 135-140 degrees.
Stella was not driving. She was a passenger in her grandson's car, 79 yrs of age, who was served her coffee in a styrofoam cup (to preserve the heat), served at the drive-through window. Her grandson pulled away from the drive-through window and stopped momentarily so that his grandmother could put cream and sugar in her coffee. She was NOT driving the car, and was NOT in motion.
Stella put the cup between her legs to take off the lid and place in the cream and sugar. As she removed the lid, the entire contents of the cup dumped into her lap, with the sweatpants she was wearing absorbing the coffee and holding it tight to her skin.
She suffered third degree burns over 6% of her body, including her inner thighs, and her entire groin area, including her genital and anal areas. Hospitalized for 8 days, undergoing skin grafts and debridement.
She sought to settle with McDonalds for $20,000, which didn't touch her medical bills. Mac said 'meet ya in court.'
So what did a good trial lawyer uncover? Between 1982-1992, more than 700 claims had been made against McDonalds as a result of injury due to its scalding hot coffee, some of them serious burns similar to Stella's. McDonalds policy was that stores hold coffee at 185 degrees, plus or minus 5 degrees. Mac's quality assurance manager testified that severe burns occur with any food served at 140 degrees and above, and that their coffee would burn the mouth and throat.
Liquids at 180 degrees will cause a full-thickness burn (third degree) to human skin in 2-7 seconds, something McDonalds knew 700 times in the previous decade to Stella's accident.
The jury awarded Stella $200K, reduced to $160K by the judge in his finding of Stella being 20% responsible for the accident. They then awarded Stella $2.7M for punitive damages, about 2 days of McDonalds coffee sales, to send a clear message to McDonalds. The judge reduced the award to $480K. The judge...the JUDGE...called McDonalds behavior reckless, callous, and willful.
Notice how we don't hear about the judge, the reduction of settlement, and the real story. In classic fashion, the spin is done completely distorting the truth of the story, the role of trial lawyers to uncover the truth, and the role of the judge in reprimanding one of the world's largest corporate presence for reckless, callous behavior. What we hear is about a stupid woman, who stupidly drives with open coffee between her legs, and stupidly believes that she can drive with open coffee between her legs and not expect to get burned. What a stupid, stupid person!
Stella ended up settling with McDonalds for even less in a sealed settlement (now...who asks for sealed settlements? Corporations????). Again, something not mentioned in the media lie. There is no evidence that McDonalds ever reduced it's temperatures of its coffee.
A corporate giant, knowingly endangering its public clientele. A jury feeling a need to send it a message - "Knock it off! Straighten up!". A judge disgusted with corporate arrogance.
And our take on it???
The Stella awards. Awards for stupid people, stupid lawyers, stupid juries, stupid courts, stupid lawsuits.
May we all be so lucky to be so 'smart' that we never suffer from powerful corporate stupidity, because we are just so stupid in our court system.
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EternalFlame
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May 19 @ 8:45AM
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Um...I hate to do this to ya, Ed
These aren't the real Stella Awards...they're fabricated stories Funny as hell, but thankfully, not real cases.
I went looking for the real Stella's, and came up with a site that hasn't been updated since 2007...
2007 Stella Award winners
More information from Snopes
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ttomtarr
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May 19 @ 9:28AM
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I am drinking espresso coffee right now, fresh from the pot where it boiled seconds ago slightly above 212 degrees. Percolators make boiling hot coffee too. I, like most people like it good and hot, especially if you have to tote it a while before you drink it.
But I like to cook it off, and start sipping right away. Uhm...Good.
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edthepoet
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May 19 @ 9:28AM
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Ty Eternalflame, I replace the fakes for the real thing.
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EternalFlame
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May 19 @ 9:41AM
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Thanks for editing, Ed!
I hadn't heard about the Google vs KinderStart thing, so I just looked it up.
The judge in the KinderStart case granted Google’s motion to dismiss without leave to amend: The instant case has been intensively litigated for more than eleven months. Under these circumstances, the Court concludes that there is no reasonable likelihood that KinderStart will cure the defects in the SAC [second amended complaint] by further amendment. Accordingly, the motion to dismiss will be granted without leave to amend.
This sue-happy crap has just got to stop. *shakes head*
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BandTMom
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May 19 @ 7:31PM
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Too many want something for nothing.
It's ridiculous. 
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