~~Grieving~~ posted 5/30/2009 11:45:12 AM | 2 kudos what's this?     report abuse tagged: grief, loss, relationships

1frantastic

This response was triggered by the blog of "Hidden Feelings"...

Understanding her feelings as much as possible from what she had described....came the following "insight"...

Part of that earlier "hope" of he will change and apologize when he sees the errors of his way ....but it never comes....is the "lost now forever" feeling that has come forth...You had dealt with the situations with anger...and even put it aside...but the evidence that you are now "grieving" shows you still had hope ...and now you don't...so it is your loss you are actually grieving...and that is a hard thing to acknowledge.....so....grieve for yourself that you can never get an apology. They didn't acknowledge they had done anything wrong...and many men are like that....especially those who can not talk about what is bothering them, but run away rather than feel they are losing face to confront their misinterpretations of situations.... Sometimes men don't KNOW HOW TO say anything cause they don't understand their own feelings...and they have temper tantrums, get angry, blame others, ect.... If they do talk at all, they put themselves as the "victim" in any scenario...it must be the way they "see it", cause...after all...they are "A MAN done in by a WOMAN....again!""

I know....I am dealing with a similiar situation, but I do care for this person....and it is he who has hidden feelings and won't allow himself to confront me...but does speak and listen to others who weren't here and DON'T know both sides of the story..so ...yes...I must grieve also....yet he isn't dead...yet...and he could have been a "grown-up" and discuss the situation instead of...being silent to me and running away....He is playing the victim...but it is I who has been victimized for believing in him so much...yet I had my own fear he would just "use me" for his advantage...but I allowed it to happen..so I must grieve for my stupidity also.. Why my fear of his "using me"? Perhaps his past record which I understood how he came to conclusion he had and has the temperment of..."well...I'll show them...or her..." or whatever he uses to rationalize his actions which are more "reactions" cause he reacts first...and then...maybe sometimes...thinks later....But usually it is too late...too late...too late.....

Talking about it does help...Grief is a process we go though to allow ourselves to put matters up on a shelf....to release the pain we feel....and when we loved a person...even if they didn't love us in return....we still grieve for the loss.....

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Blogs by 1frantastic: ~Dreams and Deceptions~ Happy Birthday to MEEEEE ...tomorrow For Butterfly....we miss you.... Damn fleas!!! Just a Butterfly..... It's my party/life and I'll cry/whine if I want to! new pic...new beginning...older women! promises Words for a hurting soul..... "She's The Dream...I'm The Memory.." ~~ Traveling~~ "That's The Way It Is" ~~Grieving~~ ~~Control~~~ Pride~~~ Is it really goodby? "You Don't Know Me" Let Me Love You~~~~ Oh..Swine Flu..(remember polio panic) and man named her wo man...... to love or not to love.... New beginnings...got a fridge!!! Strength....weakness....tears Whatever happens....happens... A proposal?