Now, I knew this was problem for some, but I had no idea it was so rampant, until I became single again, and really started paying attention, and listening to the point where they now have a Reality T.V show and Web Site dedicated to this behavior.. It's called "Cheaters" I've talked with many women who have been victimized by this behavior, and even know some men who have had a woman cheat on them.
I've debated this a time or two in the past, and some men have said that women cheat as much or more then men, I find that hard to believe, although in browsing other sites and ads I must admit, I have seen ads placed by women stating their married, even say their in love with their husband....but he just doesn't satisfy her needs... 
My first thought is.... have you spent as much time talking with him/her about it, as you do creating ads like this and chasing skirts/loverboys? Wow unbelievable What are you bringing home to your husband/wife???? yikes! That's just nasty when you think about it, and the husband/wife has no clue you were just out tap dancing all over a complete stranger.. 
Personally I have been spared that situation.... at least that I know of  hey it can happen to any one... but what I don't understand is how does the cheater come home and act like nothing is wrong? how do they look you in the eyes, and say I love you, knowing they have the scent of another on them? if a man or woman is handling their business at home I wouldn't think they wouldn't have the time or desire for another on the side! Now if their neglecting their partner for what ever reason then, to me that would be the first sign of something ain't right?
Since I have never been faced with taking someone back after they cheated or have been taken back because I was cheating... it's hard for me to understand how it feels knowing someone has been with another and now wants you to "Forgive them" ooooh that's hard  I don't know if I could? I have talked with women who have been cheated on not once but several times and still gave (Julio) or Romeo, a chance to redeem him self and many times, after time has passed and he feels they cool again.... he did it again  Some of you know what I'm talking about...heck some of you may even still be with him right now... or still willing to take him back To me that's like the Ultimate Betrayal.... 
When two people are in an Exclusive and Committed relationship marriage or not they make a promise to one another that they will forsake all others and only be with each other that way! Your suppose to be each others private one and only, if you will, that no other can have in that way! am I just crazy? or isn't that the way it's suppose to be? it's one thing to fight or disagree, or even have a friend to unload on...Not like that! get your minds out the gutter... I can understand that... but to disrespect your self and your partner, is a hard blow to over come! I don't know that I could do that personally! I can only imagine that would cut like a knife and break your heart and take a piece of your heart away from that person. I guess I've been lucky and spared that kind of grief...and have not imposed that on another..not because I'm such a great guy..but I just don't know that I could look her in the eyes, knowing I shared what we considered private and personal with another knowing that it very well could be the end of what we have... What blows my mind....is when I run across someone who does this and brags about it, as if it's something to be proud of...
Has society as a whole lost it's core principals so much that this is acceptable? and bares no shame?
When I see those who defend it... I'm like, are you for real? Would you want it done to you? There's an old cliche that goes like this... Boy's will be Boys and this is what men do" No it's not!
Boys may do it.... but a "Real Man" would place more value on his partner and have more self respect then that..... I've even heard people say especially men "that all men do it"! No they don't a real man knows how to say no and keep him self out of those situations that can cause him to become stupid! They sometimes say I don't know what I was thinking? well we know you weren't thinking about the one at home! or they say he/she didn't mean anything? oh and I do? Thanxxx or here's a classic, I was drunk or weak.... No, you were stupid and decided the love we share, didn't mean that much to you, for it to mean so much to me.
Anyway....don't get me started on "Cheaters" I don't respect them and I don't agree with their arguments or trying to justify something that can easily be avoided if they keep their promise and their pants on. Some say once a Cheater always a Cheater? Their maybe some thruth to that, I know some that need therapy to stop cheating...  But on the other hand, I think it's possible for someone to learn from their mistake and never repeat it again, but if it happens more then once it's not a mistake, but it's becoming a habit.
From the Chronicles of
Popo
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read more blogs!
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debbz32
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Jun 18 @ 11:18AM
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hmmm lets look at this in another scenario shall we, lets.. i have a friend, lets call him B he and his wife have been married for 25 years now. Lets call her A. So A and B are best friends, but not lovers. B has no desire for sexual contact of any sort, not even kissing, but A and B have alot of time/money/investiments together and if they were to divorce it would cost them both dearly, so they have formed a partnership and B understands that A is a man and has needs desires that she can not give nor does she want to give them anymore..
Question - is it ok for A to cheat on his wife?
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imlost2
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Jun 18 @ 11:25AM
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I know what you mean POPO, would you believe that since I've changed my profile, I've gotten "more" emails and winks than I did when I said I was single. What is with men, do they have an ego thinking they can get me to cheat or something? I'm asking this question. Since I put that I'm in a relationship, I think I've gotten twice as many emails as before, whats up with that? Take care Lost
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POPO
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Jun 18 @ 11:30AM
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Wow! very interesting
In this senario, I would have to say it's not cheating...and here's why, If two people agree to something whether I find it crazy or not, that's between them. It's only cheating when one does something behind the other's back without permission or knowledge.
So in your senario...I would have to say, they have amended their wedding vows to suit their current situation. Please understand, I don't endorse it, as it still is considered "Adultry" in the eye's of God, but that is a personal decision they both made together, who am I to judge? After all, it is their marriage not mine.. 
great question....  
Popo
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debbz32
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Jun 18 @ 11:34AM
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See i disagree...even though i put the scenario out there, i think its cheating..consensual or not...its cheating and unfair to both parties. I think sometimes people put too much emphasis on material things and that value and not the value of the love between a man and a woman. I think that neither person is happy and if A has an affair, even though B says she is ok with it, deep down in side she will be sad and hurt...
Its cheating...and like you said adultry.
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lovestobake
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Jun 18 @ 11:34AM
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I have an Italian heart that will heal, but; to put my health & life at risk with out my consent is unforgivable to me. 
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jcarolina
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Jun 18 @ 11:43AM
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Some just have no conscience. I've had 2 or 3 women cheat on me, and things were never the same after I found out. You never trust the person again, and it simply isn't worth staying in when you're often wondering where she really might be.
In all honesty, I cheated about 18 years ago, on someone who had repeatedly cheated on me. Instead of being mature and getting out, I had stayed with her, and toward the end, a friend and I got plastered and ..........
Even though at the time, my immature perspective felt justified, I wasn't justified in the least, and even then, it bothered me terribly.
I think if you want to sleep around, have the guts to be honest about it, and don't commit to one person. No one deserves the hurt that comes with that type of betrayal.
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POPO
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Jun 18 @ 11:46AM
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Ms.Lost,
In my humble opinion, The activity in your profile went up, because many people like people who are in relationships, two major reasons, first...No committment on their part, they think they can play in someone elses back yard, and not pay rent..sorta speak..  Secondly they think it will just be sex calls, and they can still keep their freedom, with some benefits on the side with no real attachments, I'm guessing here, but I think I maybe on to something...
When I was married, or in relationship on another site, The offers were obvious and some even made in front of others, a little flattering at first, until it dawn on me, Do they think so little of me, that they would think that's how I roll? Then it became very easy to say No! ...What's a matter with you? don't you understand I'm taken.
Maybe a Third thought could be a factor...Since so many just want to play and sample the fruit of many, When they run across someone who actually is relationship orientated, they want it, because they see your willing to lock down with only one. it can either be a challenge or something they think they want.
Popo
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POPO
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Jun 18 @ 12:02PM
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Ms.Debb,
you wrote; See i disagree...even though i put the scenario out there, i think its cheating..consensual or not...its cheating and unfair to both parties. I think sometimes people put too much emphasis on material things and that value and not the value of the love between a man and a woman. I think that neither person is happy and if A has an affair, even though B says she is ok with it, deep down in side she will be sad and hurt...
Its cheating...and like you said adultry.
We agree more then we disagree... My answer was based on their situation not mine, ( I used the term scenario) as a (hypothesis) It's their relationship and their decision, however my heart wouldn't allow me to that from either side of your scenario. Like you, money and materal things don't mean that much to me, to sacrifice my morals, standards and of course my heart. You are right...there is no true happiness in that situation...
Thanx for keeping me on my toes...
Popo
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POPO
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Jun 18 @ 12:09PM
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It's really great to get some insight and perspective from other men... 
Thanx.... 
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dizzydoll
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Jun 18 @ 12:27PM
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Boys may do it.... but a "Real Man" would place more value on his partner and have more self respect then that.....
POPO you will make some woman very happy and proud to call you her man.
i am a loyal lamb (or rather lioness)
one bf couldnt keep his trousers on and he had to go, there was no discussion even tho he gave his word it wouldnt happen again... there was no disscussion
another i suspected, but couldnt prove... so i dropped it with a warning. other than that i am not aware of any other betrayal
if there is no trust in each other, it will not last. like if i was involved now, it wouldnt automatically mean because i am on this site i am looking for someone else!! i would tell him i come to play (on the blogs) with friends, poets, storytellers, inspriational writers, and teaches on MD and i wouldnt mind him doing the same. as long as the soul intention is pure its sweet to make friends with people from many walks of life.
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dizzydoll
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Jun 18 @ 12:29PM
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It's really great to get some insight and perspective from other men...
i am also looking forward to that
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POPO
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Jun 18 @ 1:43PM
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Ms.Doll,
You are so sweet...
Should that day ever happen....? I would take all that I know and all that I have learned both married and now single, and do everything in my power to be a great husband, lover and best friend.
I talked with the woman I was married to for 24 years, together for 25, last night, Monday the 8th of June would have been our 30th anniversery.. She said if I would have known then, what I know now, I would have never walked away.
As surprised as I was, it made me feel better about our departure, yet on the other hand It made me feel sad. I really wish she would have seen then, what I didn't want to know now. This thing called life can be crazy..
I'm very sorry to hear you had to go throught that, as I mentioned, I was spared that heart break.
if there is no trust in each other, it will not last. like if i was involved now, it wouldnt automatically mean because i am on this site i am looking for someone else!! i would tell him i come to play (on the blogs) with friends, poets, storytellers, inspriational writers, and teaches on MD and i wouldnt mind him doing the same. as long as the soul intention is pure its sweet to make friends with people from many walks of life.
We agree, it makes all the difference in a relationship when it's built on trust and respect, communication and everything else usually follows. and your right we can always learn so much from others..
Thanx for your thoughts..
Popo
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justme836
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Jun 18 @ 2:49PM
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I may be frowned upon for this but here goes. I was a chronic cheater while dating. I did not like being tied down. I never felt bad when I looked in my lover's eyes. I felt good that I had gotten away with something. 
I never wanted to get married for this reason. Then I fell in love. While courting we both cheated. I would catch him, get mad, then forgive because I was doing the same thing. Then came the engagement. The desire was still there to cheat, but I was good until the month prior to our wedding. Then I slipped up, not by having sex but close. Once I said "I Do" I never cheated again. I was reformed and still am. My husband however continued to cheat. I believed that since I meant our vows so did he. That he too was reformed. For 13 years I was made a fool. For 13 years I was at risk as he admitted to no protection.
Being so casual about affairs led me to forgive what I should have seen coming. Some people can and do change, some don't care enough to try. Some people who never cheat may change as well. A commitment takes work on both sides because desire may fade.
From all of this I have learned to never again take my partner or any relationship for granted. I have also learned that yeast infections are not necessarily from antibiotics or diet.
If you think your cheater is sorry............... Think again. Being sorry is never doing it to begin with. Maybe that's what they mean when they say "Love means never having to say you're sorry".................... I will never be sorry again! I now know respect.
P.S. My ex is now cheating on his new wife. 
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POPO
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Jun 18 @ 3:29PM
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I may be frowned upon for this but here goes. I was a chronic cheater while dating. I did not like being tied down. I never felt bad when I looked in my lover's eyes. I felt good that I had gotten away with something.
Wow!...Not by me, your honesty now, even at the risk of being viewed as a chronic cheater, is something I Tip My Hat Too...  Although you made some mistakes and plenty of them as I read what you wrote, once you took vows between you and him and (If God) was apart of your ceremony, between the three of you, you didn't break your vows. Good For you.even knowing he was breaking his vows to you. To me that in and of it's self would be hard. to stay and not walk away.
I never wanted to get married for this reason. Then I fell in love. While courting we both cheated. I would catch him, get mad, then forgive because I was doing the same thing. Then came the engagement. The desire was still there to cheat, but I was good until the month prior to our wedding. Then I slipped up, not by having sex but close. Once I said "I Do" I never cheated again. I was reformed and still am. My husband however continued to cheat. I believed that since I meant our vows so did he. That he too was reformed. For 13 years I was made a fool. For 13 years I was at risk as he admitted to no protection.
Being so casual about affairs led me to forgive what I should have seen coming. Some people can and do change, some don't care enough to try. Some people who never cheat may change as well. A commitment takes work on both sides because desire may fade.
From all of this I have learned to never again take my partner or any relationship for granted. I have also learned that yeast infections are not necessarily from antibiotics or diet.
If you think your cheater is sorry............... Think again. Being sorry is never doing it to begin with. Maybe that's what they mean when they say "Love means never having to say you're sorry".................... I will never be sorry again! I now know respect.
P.S. My ex is now cheating on his new wife.
I wasn't going to re-post your entire post, but it was so full of truth and reality, I found it impossible not too.. Well you kinda saw that one coming huh? Him cheating on his new wife, it didn't matter to him, with his first wife, Often times the second wife is a product of cheating on his first wife, you would think a woman would realize if he cheats with her, he will cheat on her.. It's kinda like lying to our kids, or asking them to lie for us, when the phone rings...lol Were teaching them to lie to us, by letting them know it's okay to lie for us.
Thank you so much for your honesty and insight, a complete different perspective, then I thought I would see here....Big Ups to you... That took allot of self confidence and guts.
Popo
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butterfly943
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Jun 18 @ 5:03PM
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My first husband cheated from the day we got married we were only 17 way to young but.....we were together on and off for almost 20 years...now he is one of my best friends...he has even been calling to see how im doing...I forgave him a long time ago..I DONT CHEAT!!!! never will...good blog
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cricket747
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Jun 18 @ 7:01PM
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I have never cheated and will not do so. How can you say you love that person and do something like that. I pray if I fall in love again, that the person believes the same way.
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POPO
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Jun 18 @ 7:17PM
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My first husband cheated from the day we got married we were only 17 way to young but.....we were together on and off for almost 20 years...now he is one of my best friends...he has even been calling to see how im doing...I forgave him a long time ago..I DONT CHEAT!!!! never will...good blog
That ain't right..... not a good way to start a marriage Well if nothing else you guys are friends, Forgiveness is somethng not everyone will do. Good for you for not cheating...
Popo
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POPO
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Jun 18 @ 7:20PM
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I have never cheated and will not do so. How can you say you love that person and do something like that. I pray if I fall in love again, that the person believes the same way.
I completely agree.... Oh and prayers do get answered..
thanx for your thoughts.
Popo
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imlost2
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Jun 18 @ 7:29PM
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I see no purpose on cheating either and I suspect if we choose to marry and we are together full time, my time here will be limited or perhaps come to a stop as even though I've made friends, I'm hoping we have better things to do. My main focus will be on our relationship and family and I don't see much time to spend on the computer although I might still stop in from time to time to read up on everyone as see how everyone is doing. Nothing, not even a pc should come between a couple in my opinion. Take care Lost
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POPO
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Jun 18 @ 8:29PM
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I see no purpose on cheating either and I suspect if we choose to marry and we are together full time, my time here will be limited or perhaps come to a stop as even though I've made friends, I'm hoping we have better things to do. My main focus will be on our relationship and family and I don't see much time to spend on the computer although I might still stop in from time to time to read up on everyone as see how everyone is doing. Nothing, not even a pc should come between a couple in my opinion. Take care Lost
Ms.Lost,
We agree....Should I ever find "That One" and we get married, any profile or membership I have will be cancelled. I find no reason to spend our time on a computer, especially on dating sites...Your time is so much better served with other things, besides happy couples usually have enough going on between them to occupy their minds and time.
Thanx for your thoughts...
Popo
sssssssst. Great point, what's the purpose of cheating?
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Angel178
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Jun 18 @ 9:09PM
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It is not cheating if you do not have that verbal commitment. Once that is there...anything else is cheating. Here's a hint...if you turn a simple question around on me to make me feel I did something wrong...then I will believe, and prob will be right, that you are cheating. I don't cheat and will not tolerate being cheated on...ever. 
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POPO
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Jun 18 @ 9:28PM
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It is not cheating if you do not have that verbal commitment. Once that is there...anything else is cheating.
Excellent point Angel..... Often times someone is accused of cheating, when their no no verbal agreement or they just assumed because they date that it's "Exclusive" better to have that understanding, so things are very clear, and define what is cheating, so no one can play on words or say they didn't know.. and both are on the same page..
Here's a hint...if you turn a simple question around on me to make me feel I did something wrong...then I will believe, and prob will be right, that you are cheating.
I love this part of your answer, and it's so right... answering a direct question, with a direct answer is usually a good sign, playing on words or shifting from one foot to the other is not good...
I don't cheat and will not tolerate being cheated on...ever
Well now I know your not a Devil, but an Angel... maybe a devilsh Angel...  I'm just sayin.. not that there's anything wrong with that.. 
Popo
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