I have this friend, we used to be bf/gf, he is now dating someone closer to his age, he is 38, she 39. He said she is a very nice girl, she is into him, he likes her. I asked him today on the phone if he thinks he is going to be with her permanently, his reply "No, I'm a player". Hmmmm, he will turn 39 this year. That just makes me wonder about guys. Is it because the men who are players feel that they will be missing out on something if they do settle down?  To me their life is more like a roller coaster loop, one that never stops and they never get off. The girl my friend is dating sounds very nice, from a nice family even, yet.....he can't commit. My feelings on this, she is 39, her baby time clock is ticking, I'm sure she is probably looking for a guy to settle down with. Now....he is taking her on a vacation with him in August. If a guy takes me on a vacation, I assume he is serious about me. Am I wrong in saying this ladies? I'm just waiting for her to pose the question to him about getting more serious about their relationship and I don't think she will be ready for his answer. I have her email addy, only because he emailed me something that he emailed a bunch of others too, but I know it's none of my business so I butt out. I just feel badly that she is going to get hurt. I used to enjoy getting phone calls from him even after our relationship broke up, we have remained friends, but it's hard for me to remain friends with him because of how he is with women, it makes me feel sick to my stomach. I know, I should just forget about it and let him date her, but I just feel bad for her and wish I could tell her. I guess that's why I feel sick to my stomach when I get off the phone with him, I just don't have any other answers.
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| Guys who can't settle down |
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gunn12fan
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Jun 30 @ 7:00PM
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what a moron if it was me i would settle down in a heartbeat
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Josuha
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Jun 30 @ 7:39PM
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Men are strange creatures.
You have to remember that most men (there are exceptions to everything.), separate 'sex' from 'love'.
Sex is sex and love is love..not to be confused.
If a man does'nt want to settle down, he won't.
Trying to coax him into anything only leads to disaster.
And your wise to stay out of it.
All you'll end up doing is getting yourself in a crossfire that's a no win tactical position.
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scorpian27
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Jun 30 @ 8:19PM
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I am 54 i am also single its guys like him that give other guys who are genuine a real bad name
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edthepoet
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Jun 30 @ 9:53PM
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He has every right to be a player, women have that same right and btw they exercise it big time.
Give the man credit, he admits who he is,unlike so many women who use sex to force or manipulate men into a relationship. That's not being honest, that's just a different kind of player" A dishonest one" what worst is that if that didn't work, they cry wolf and say I was played.
If a man or a women chooses not to be in a perment relationship, that's is ok.
Both gender just need to be upfront with what they want from a relationship and not play with anyone feelings, that is simply wrong.
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dogtrainer4
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Jun 30 @ 10:25PM
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I would think that you and your friend would be thankful that he told you this up front. Many men do not want to get tied down. If he really loves her , he will probably tell her that too. I say, have a good time with him but keep looking too. 
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ragtopcookie
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Jul 1 @ 1:26AM
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And when im asked what girl i love the best i rip open my shirt and show her rosie on my chest...cause im a wonderer.....yes a wonderer.......i go around and round and round and round.....  .....cookie
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luneib
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Jul 1 @ 6:30AM
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No, I'm not dating the guy, I have my guy. But....my male friend told me he does not love her, so to me that is stringing her along for just the sex. He says he likes her, but when I asked if he was staying with her permanently, he laughed it off, said he didn't think so. So then why take her on vacation with him, it gives the wrong impression. He has not told her that he is a player of course she has no idea, and they have not discussed anything about the relationship.
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justme836
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Jul 1 @ 9:20AM
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Maybe she is not longing to settle down either? You can love, have sex and share a vacation without having any plans beyond tomorrow. I don't know why this should make you feel "sick to your stomach" or that you should have the answer. It is none of your business.
Having sex is not manipulating anyone if it is consensual. If the relationship moves faster for one than the other that is life. It's all a gamble. Her biological clock is no reason to expect him to comply to her wishes. She is a grown woman and with that comes the responsibility to say what you want/expect in a relationship. If she doesn't speak up and goes by her own assumptions she may get hurt, but then it is her own fault not his. A man or woman is not obligated to reveal all when they are not asked the questions.
I have a friend who stuck with a guy for 20 plus years with no marriage or children. He left her and is getting married to another who has children. Since she lived in HIS house she will now have to move. My friend is now blaming him because she never had kids and now has no home.  I say she lived with him for free in his $1,000,000.00 home on a lake. Raised her horses, llamas, etc. on his dime. He offered her vacations but she refused to leave her animals. His clock is also ticking and now he has a partner who he has more in common with. Someone who loves him for more than a place to raise animals. A sad situation but they can both blame themselves for accepting it.
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illusion790
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Jul 1 @ 9:51AM
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I agree with what Justme said. none of your business.
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Naraku
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Jul 1 @ 10:20AM
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Even if you did say something, what will it do? Would she even believe you? Would she even want to? I found that with people, usualy women, they will use any reason they have to stay with a person they are "in love" with. Its increasing in males as well. We want and need to be loved. I still dont think its a physiological need, but more of a survival instinct, like procreation is. With that in mind, I have seen women beaten multiple times, and brutally at that. When I have called the cops the women either, have them arrested and take them back the next day, week or month ahd drop the charges, or just not show up at court. Or, tell them they were playing around or make up some other excuse. They wish to be blind to such things. Just because you show someone a mirror, doesnt mean they will accept it as their reflection.
Moraly, I would tell her through a dummy e mail account. What is right for some, is not right for all. It just depends on which of the lesser evils you want to deal with. The betrayal of trust or the damnantion of a woman. And even then, it probably wont work.
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john49887
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Jul 1 @ 10:49AM
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If a man does'nt want to settle down, he won't.
Trying to coax him into anything only leads to disaster. True.
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havUheard
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Jul 1 @ 10:51AM
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I'd also have to agree with Justme and Illusion.
Your ex-bf's personal life is none of your business.
Maybe, just maybe, you are projecting your feelings of non-settling and/or non-commitment because you don't have it in your life?
"Remove the splinter from your own eye first before attempting to remove the spinter from someone else's eyes."
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luneib
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Jul 1 @ 11:54AM
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havuheard, I am in a loving committed relationship so there is no splinter to remove, geeeez.  I'm one of the lucky ones who has found love. 
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