Im not sure if anybody here notices the strange hours i keep.....im up at 4:15am to get to work at 6am four days a week....drive 30 miles each way....and home in bumper to bumper rush hour traffic.....stress is just part of the job description......it keeps me up sometimes at nite....not allowing me to get my sleep for the next day.....i drink alot of bottled water.....and that gets me up at nite as well.....sometimes......more than id like to admit.....i come home beat and exhausted......having just enough time to take my shoes off and prop myself in my chair with my feet up in front of my big screen....only to fall asleep and throw my sleep pattern off even more.....im getting old...and i can feel it.....my daughter has a new boyfriend so shes gone alot......which leaves me here with our three cats alone alot......i guess its not a bad life i lead......to be unemployed and homeless would be even worse......i read about it here all the time on the doctor.....my bills are being paid...but theres not much left afterwards......i often wonder what would happen once my bills excede my take home income......i go thru this every two weeks when i get paid and sit down to pay my stack of bills......ive always heard that its a two income world.......but im not fool enough to believe it........a second income comes with somebody that has plans for it im sure.......being their income and not yours.....i guess im at a cross road of life......waiting for my daughter to get her education and one day move out on her own......my son has been moved out and on his own for the last few years....of course...he knows where to get a free meal.....and ive always thought about traveling one day when time and money allow......buying that dream car......finishing remodeling my house.....maybe even meeting that dream woman ive always wondered about......but the flip side to that is just to be single and free to make my own decisions......i like that thought alot.....its kept me single all these years....and its alot to give up for somebody youre not sure of........all these unanwsered questions......and unfullfilled dreams i have.......and turning fifty this year.......im starting to realize that i only have a few more years left to make some kind of game plan...and then try to live with the decisions ive made.......so many thought go thru ones mind.......in the dark of the nite........michael
Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)
|
|
read more blogs!
Blogs by ragtopcookie:
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| In The Dark Of The Nite...... |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
jayej
|
Jul 2 @ 3:51AM
|
|
The dark of the night will get you everytime Cookie.
I was single 5 years before Josh and I got together, I am glad I waited that long, but then again I am glad I didn't wait any longer. You get an independent streak in ya when you know you can make it on your own. Makes integrating back into a relationship harder sometimes.
J
|
|
Herodotus
|
Jul 2 @ 5:11AM
|
|
|
I think the older we get the more complicated we make things for ourselves Millions of different realities out there I hope you come through this with what you want Having someone to love and to love you isn't asking that much Good that you are so supportive to your daughter but you deserve the good things too
|
|
CHARLIgurl1
|
Jul 2 @ 7:28AM
|
|
yeah I notice thr strange hours you keep... You only get out of bed so you can admire it! 
that 4 poster bed of yours!!
Seriously tho, I too wake at night and just lay there thinking.. I think its the clearest thought time of all!
|
|
gunn12fan
|
Jul 2 @ 8:09AM
|
|
|
good one cookie I'm normally up at 2am out of the house by 2:45 and at work by 4 and in bed by 8pm We have jobs the biils are paid and what more could we ask for
|
|
dogtrainer4
|
Jul 2 @ 9:37AM
|
|
Michael You sound sad. Try to look on the bright side, you have a job, and 2 children. That is two good things, you are not alone. Everyone has money problems. Don't let it get you down, pay'em and move on , feel the relief of getting them gone. I know you said you are tired after work, but you must make time to get out and meet people. It will make you happy.  Then, when you meet that right girl  Everything will get better and you will be able to sleep. K
|
|
justme836
|
Jul 2 @ 9:39AM
|
|
I too wonder what life will be like when my kids are gone. My youngest is only 10 so I have a while. I will be 58 if he leaves at 20. Will that be too old to find a mate and travel? Will I even want to travel then? Life is shorter than we think, time slips away as we get further set in our ways. With age comes wisdom but too often that wisdom tainted with regrets. My life is mine and I have sat back long enough making other lives cushy.
Cookie you have been free to make your own decisions for 30 some years now. If you want the car get it. You ARE single, a child is not a partner. I assume your daughter is capable of making a meal and getting herself through school. Getting a free meal now and then is expected but 100% support after 19? Get the car and travel.................... Why wait? Fill your bucket list now. First get some sleep. 
|
|
sybnann
|
Jul 2 @ 10:48AM
|
|
Awww Cookie, I understand, but it will all work out for you. I would suggest you not only keep your dreams alive, but make them happen! Especially on your days off! Take time for YOU! It's all any of us can do but it makes such a difference!!
|
|
lovestobake
|
Jul 2 @ 10:56AM
|
|
|
My friends saying was don't worry better days are coming.
|
|
debbz32
|
Jul 2 @ 1:55PM
|
|
Welcome to my world Michael...remember to fasten your seat belt and enjoy the ride as it does get bumpy from time to time...watch those curves and please do not spit on the pedestrians as you pass them by... 
|
|
dizzydoll
|
Jul 2 @ 6:22PM
|
|
go to bed early tonight Cookie, dont nod off on the couch.... then you will sleep through the night like a baby
|
|
CHARLIgurl1
|
Jul 2 @ 6:26PM
|
|
Dont drink caffeine too late either.. that will keep you awake...
Go listen to my boots song.on my blog. that'll put you to sleep! if nothing will! 
|
|
JenRNinOhio
|
Jul 3 @ 10:49AM
|
|
The quiet of the night does allow the mind to wander ..
I have been suffering insomnia lately due to some major upheavals in my personal life. Lying awake ... thinking .... wondering ... planning ... supposing ....
At 56 I had a gut reaction of grrrrr when you talk about being older ...
I'm starting over. I have raised 2 kids & sent them out on their own but still have 3 teens here at home with me. I have changed plans so many times in the dead of the quiet night.... Get them through school .... Sell the house ... Move somewhere warmer ... Stay in the house ... Make it a retirement investment ...
Pay bills ....
".....to be single and free to make my own decisions......"
... works for me right now.
But who knows what tomorrow will bring?
Maybe more 3AM musings.
FIFTY is NOT OLD!!!
~Jennifer~
|
|