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I'm In Love With a Woman Preacher! Melissa Scott

posted 7/2/2009 9:44:40 AM |
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tagged: humor, tv, health, dating

Isn't HDTV wonderful? Formerly, the mountains blocked Atlanta TV signals to my rabbit ears, so I could only pick up one PBS station and the local FOX affiliate that had transponder towers on the mountain above our town. Now I can pick up 28 channels clear as a bell. . . that's almost three times the stations on basic cable service, which is now $50 a month here. Well, the last time I will ever FOX news was when they stated five times in the newcast about South Carolina's love struck governor's tryst in Argentina that he was a Democrat. Then briefly at the end of the program happened to add that he was Chariman of the Republican Governor's Council!

Last night, I was waiting for the wet clay of a Maya style statue to firm up some before I put on one finishing touch and went to bed. In boredom, I turned on the TV. The first network to appear was ION (formerly PAX). There was a beautiful woman with hair down to her waist on stage in strange outfit that looked like a combination of a Charlie Chaplain suit and a college graduation gown. She was lecturing in front of massive blackboards filled with the scripts of ancient languages. Lordamercy, she is a preacher! The screen titles said she was Pastor Melissa Scott.

The gal is a genius . . . she speaks and writes 20 languages fluently, including Aramaic! She is not really a TV evangelist, but a TV teacher. She translates the original languages of the Holy Scriptures, so listeners can better understand what the Apostles really said back 2000 years ago. She is also about the only TV preacher I have ever seen, whom I trusted. She doesn't have that satanic smile that is ubiquitous among TV preachers. They say all the proper "Holy" words, but they really want your money. My new love Melissa even talks to herself while writing Aramaic, Hebrew, Archaic Greek and Latin on the blackboard. That is a sure sign that she is a genius and for real.

I looked closely at the screen. She wasn't wearing a wedding ring! Hmm-m, that means she's legal! Checked out her bio this morning and learned that she was a widow and available.

Well, Sweet Melissa, I am the man for you. The great Georgia musician, Greg Allman, has already written a song about you, and where you should really live. You oviously need nurturing. Smart men can tell those things. You need a man, who is equally as brainy and spritual as you, but is not in the preaching business. Get out of that Los Angeles smog and come to the Blue Ridge Mountains. As we hike up to waterfalls together, you can mumble in Aramaic, while I do time travel to communicate with my Creek ancestors. As Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young would say , . . "be my lady!"

Back to reality . . . Sweet Melissa's program was followed by an ad for a tread mill that is curved upward, so it mimics the muscles used when climbing a hill. The TV ad had the gall to announce, "now for only $995 plus shipping, you can tone the same muscles used in climbing a hill . . . but in the safety and comfort of your own home!"

Now that is dumb, but typical of America today. You are not allowed to get exercise unless you tithe to the GOD commerce and profess your devotion for his TRUE RELIGION, CAPITALISM. You can't go outside your house, because the Master of Life might see you as you are. As for myself, I prefer to hike 30 miles a week in real mountains filled with the flowers, waterfalls and critters created by Yahweh. Come my Sweet Melissa, let us frolick among the fragrant rhododendron flowers and pick wild blueberries together. Be my lady!

Oh, also, unlike the Argentine senorita, I am legal. There will be no scandal when you suddenly disappear from the Los Angeles smog for seven days to be with your soul mate in the cool, green mountains of the Southern Highlands. People will just say, "Oh what a cute couple they make!"

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Jul 2 @ 9:57AM  
right on man, you and 200 million other dudes.
do you accept melissa scott as your personal
lady and saviour?

Jul 2 @ 12:03PM  
I do!
So how do I let Sweet Melissa know that we are a perfect match?

Jul 3 @ 9:22AM  
She is pretty cute and legally a widow but I often wonder if the Late Dr Gene Scott is on ice somewhere waiting to be revived.
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