Peaceful and Grateful...But Still ORNERY! posted 7/3/2009 10:32:36 AM | 3 kudos what's this?     report abuse tagged: reincarnation, love

SpiritOrnery

I usually blog when I am venting, or so it has seemed lately. Most of the last few years or so I have seemed to have picked very bad relationships for myself. For those that knew me as SpiritEnergy, I have changed my name because I was criticised for acting in a normal human fashion for me. Why was I criticised? Because I dared to take the nickname of SpiritEnergy.

I am a healer by profession. I work one on one with Spirit during my work so I defined myself as spiritual energy. After all, in my understanding of the world, we ARE all one with Spirit. I at the very least was claiming my oneness with Spirit and acknowledging my awareness of my oneness. However, others took it to mean that I was above emotions. WTF? I am human as well, azzholes. So I renamed myself to keep people from being confused and pissing me off by being critical of my name. (Criticise THIS one! )

During my times of challenge (or we can call it extreme fast track to mental and emotional growth), I have vented and spewed inner toxic emotions. Well, what are we supposed to do with it? Re Stuff it? HELL, no. Get that crap outta there. I look at it like a septic tank. Even if you are very careful what you put INTO your septic tank now, sometimes OTHERS (or even yourself when you were 'unconscious')who have been 'on' your property either before you 'owned' it or by invitation or by trespass have done whatever they chose to that septic tank. (Let's say 'owned' means conscious and aware.)

So every now and again, that septic tank needs to be cleaned out. I totally believe in reincarnation. I work with people regularly clearing emotional and mental impingements from their bodies, minds, souls and personalities. (Cleaning their septic tanks/Akashic records from past lives) I see my clients having life changing experiences. They become bountiful, more youthful, lose weight easily, find the loves of their lives, find peace and are just generally HAPPY inside. It is a wonderful way to earn your money.

Several years ago (2003?) I realized that every time I met some man I was attracted to, I would clear the energies between us and the relationship faded away. Being the lusty btch that I am, this was totally sexually frustrating to say the LEAST! I 'spoke' to my spiritual crew (the beings that actually perform the healing, directed by me and the client).

I told them (my crew)...STOP clearing all my relationships away. I want to EXPERIENCE relationships (you know...have SEX, dammit!) I even spoke to a couple of my teachers of my spiritual training. I told them the same thing I said to my spiritual crews. ....I want to LIVE life. I am tired of learning vicariously by my clients coming to me and me seeing my own issues in them and changing to suit.

That was actually what I did before. I learned from my clients and changed and changed and yet still did not find the man I thought could be HIM, the one to walk my path with me. Well, little did I know the reason I did not find HIM was because of ME. My hidden septic tank. Deep, dank, dark and toxic. Full of SHlT. Lol! (What else? It is a septic tank!) Because when I started having relationships, I drew men to me that reflected the things deeply hidden within me. Old dark past lives that I had unresolved energy on...and unforgiveness and rejection of self over.

I know NOW that I could never have found all of those toxic emotions within me without the help of those toxic relationships. I am a very old soul. I actually volunteered for this life, this planet. It was not a requirement that I take 'this course'. It was an option I applied for and (surprisingly enough) they allowed me to 'retake'. (They probably felt sorry for me when they gave me the ticket for the journey here! Bastids! BE CAREFUL what you ask for, you may GET it....bwahahahaha!)

Anyway, my point is...that even tho the relationships and the 'journey' was so difficult and at times highly painful (still is actually...I am still recovering from the last one)...I needed the relationships. I needed that stimulator, those buttons pushed, that mallet over the head to wake up my soul, the head raps to get me to that last sparkly clean out of my own personal septic tank. Yeah, I surely did.

Continued below \/ \/ \/

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