She busied herself with chores and mindless inventories of how her day should go because she knew if she didn't keep herself busy, she would allow her mind to go to "that" place. How stupid would that be? To allow the pain, the hopelessness, the utter futility to take hold of her sanity and drag her back to that place of darkness.
All around were people, like those spirits we see in horror movies, filmy vapor like waifs coming out of the ground, staring through her as if she were one of them too... their tentacle like hands and sinewy long boney fingers clawed at her leaving invisible scratches that no one other than she could see. They burned and oozed, but no one knew. Instead of trying to listen and help... those misshapen heads with liquid-like mouths recited her shortcomings over and over again.
She covered her ears and went about making busy work to drive them back to the bottom of that pit where they would crawl every now and again.. she could not allow this to happen .. there was good in her life, she knew this, but those creatures wanted to block her sight of that and drag her into their miserable station, because as we all know misery loves company.
She willed herself to count to three with her eyes shut as tight as possible thinkiing of rainbows, of the smile on the face of the one that loved her more than anything and anyone else in this world. They were apart, but their love transcended all worlds and universes.
You see, even though there was a vapid layer of death and different levels of the universe between them, the memories that lived on in each heart, though distanced was still strong enough to hold her safe when she needed it most. She remembered the hours of laughter on the phone when they were apart in life... they spoke so easily it were as though they had shared a life in another time, another space. They talked of things in their childhood and snorted while remembering. And when they were together it was as though all other electricity were shut off and the sparks that came from just the touch of their hands lit up the skies.
This is what keeps her sane. This love that was real, that was grounded, that laughed, that wept together and held one another when one was more consumed, the realization that no matter what madness the world dished out they could and would survive TOGETHER. And now that she is alone, that love holds her heart when it becomes too weary, it reminds her to enjoy the beauty around her, because there is no time machine, we can never go back again and relive and do over. We must grow stronger and learn to love again and that begins with loving the joy that is in her life at this very moment. The hummingbird at the feeder at her window. She remembers how they sat together and watched the simplicity, the urgency in this feeding.. the wonder at how such a small bird could beat his wings so hard and stay stationary. The songs of the mama wren singing to her babies that food is on the way. The symphony of the orchestra of different bird melodies blended together each morning to sing for their breakfast. The rainbows that they ooohhhed and ahhheddd over the colors that became their blanket in peace and love.
The blackness and the beasts that inhabit it are always hungry, because their lives are so miserable they need to take that freshness out of the next victim, to suck the bones dry and drink their life blood so they might perchance remember joy. Keep your own joy, never allow anyone to take it from you. And if time and space are separating you from someone(s) you love, remember... you will see and be with them once again.
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| The light will keep them at bay... |
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