boB posted 7/8/2009 6:07:19 PM | 19 kudos what's this?     report abuse

Tunes4u

As the weekend approaches with it's heavy obligatory changes, I find myself painfully aware of a situation I guess I never allowed myself a chance to fully think through. Frankly, it is breaking my heart.

It hurts real bad to see my son leave for the great Northwestern part of our country. I will miss him as I miss the rest of the children. There is a certain feeling of failure in some ways. I know I have not failed per se.......he is a good young man, and will do his Mother proud.
But I was trying to finish him here. At least get him through his high school years with all his chums. But it just can't happen. The economy is crushing things all around me, and it is changing everything. And so he is moving, because as I can not keep our home of 15 years any longer, there just is no way for me to continue as if nothing is wrong. And I am coming up two years short of the goal.

He understands completely. We have all talked at great length about the situation, over a fairly long period of time. We have made internal adjustments. And in many ways, it will actually be better for him there than here, due to the fact that the rest of the family is there.
So that part is not terribly difficult, and in many ways, it is a relief.

The hard part is Oz...The Great and Powerful.

As many of you know, he has been a joy in our lives, especially mine. He and Jake are best buds too...never has a dog entered so deeply into my heart.

He loves me with a love I receive from no other source. We have had him since he was a puppy. Anyone who says money can't buy happiness, forgot about puppies. And this one is one in a million. As they all are I guess.

He knows when something is wrong, but never tries to find out what it is. He is smart. I think he can count. Just put 3 treats in your pocket and give him only two. See what happens.

Everyone is afraid of him....until they touch him...and he lets each child...each person know...he is a strong and gentle creature, who is the King of Frolic.

This....this....dog......he is not my whole life ....that is silly.
But he makes my life whole.

His new world holds endless opportunities for love, from a very large and child filled family. And a giant yard, and everything a good dog needs. Jake's oldest sister has agreed to care for OZ. Jake will live with his Mom, a number of miles away. Oz will be alone at first. Jake will try to spend as much time over there as possible. But boB has his routines.

And he will not understand. Suddenly, after a long ride in a big truck, he will not know anything. Or anyone...except my son.
He will wonder where I am......he will lie down to rest with his eyes open, and wonder where he is...and what the hell happened to his world?

And that is killing me.

There have only been a very few times in my life when I have known such a feeling. I suppose I have been very lucky. Because I sure don't like it much.

In the Grand Scheme of Things....it isn't very important. I know that.

In my tiny insignificant world, which is shrinking daily....it is.

I will worry about them all, long after the truck disappears around the corner, taking the last two really good parts of my world with it...



I just wish I could explain it to boB.


Then maybe he could forgive me,...and be fine......

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