INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE:
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies WITHIN us.
Whew... last week was a tough one. I sat down tonight after having wings and some brews with my son at the local watering hole here in the country and thanked all the powers and the Big Guy for talking me through the work I accomplished here at this humble abode. My son even remarked at how much I got done and how nice it looked...
I just re-read that last sentence and found myself utterly amazed.. I had wings & brews with my son!! How frikken awesome is that! There are so many things in my journal from my heart's memory bank that amaze me when I re-read them.
I remember well the days so many years ago.. pregnant with my first child. The fears that went through me. How the hell was I supposed to actually take care of such a tiny little miracle when I hardly knew what I was doing from day to day. See, I am a very much seat-of-the-pants learner. Most of what I do here at my little farmette, I never would have considered I would be doing at my *cough, cough* age in life... and I never had enough time to ask someone to show me "how to". So, when things need to be done, or things break, or I need to do something which I never have before, I surf the net. I download instructions and follow them ( I am anal retentive like that).
I (read that with surprise and awe... me (I) common ole ordinary me and of course my ex) raised two children close in age (they call them Irish twins when they are less than a year apart) with some semblance of sanity intact (and I am not talking about my sanity, but theirs... I could have really played with their wittle minds.. muuuuu aaaawww hhhhhhaaa hhaaaaa). I remember all those times when they did little things to tug on my heart and just when I thought I loved them as much as I could at that very moment, I learned that I not only could but damn well would learn to love them more.
And then there came the time when I truly became an empty-nester overnight it seemed. Both of my children (again, the closeness of their births) put them out of the house and on their own just as my marriage was dissolving and the divorce was being finalized.
I found myself drowning in the quiet .. I guess, like most, I always said to myself.. when they were young and arguing, when they were listening to their music at the decibel that awoke the vampires in Transylvania, that I couldn't wait for the day when there was some peace and quiet restored to my life.. guess what? You know that old saying.. be careful for what you wish.. it may come true? I ate those words.. chewed on them hard and long when that day came around and I found myself totally and utterly alone with my thoughts, my fears, and my insecurity of whether or not I could actually find a way of doing things without someone in my life (I had been married for 25 years after all... this was like starting all over again, but this time around I was older and all of this was suddenly sooooooo foreign).
I ranted and railed at fate for bringing me to that point.. I was angry, then depressed, then scared.. but through it all, the only thing that kept me keeping on was that I knew my children would be witnessing how I handled this... how I made it through and without their even really knowing they were doing so, they would be gauging me on how well I was able to handle adversity and move past it.
I learned to let go of everything that I held so close to my heart for so long.. my children, my marriage, my house.. and I learned how to start over and not show my fear to anyone but my God and myself... and in the back of my mind there was always a tiny little voice saying.. "Ms. C.. you will survive.. I told you of your assignment before you were even conceived and you agreed.. lessons, Ms. C., lessons.. and not only that dreams, Ms. C.... dreams".
So tonite in the watering hole downing some brews and an awesome shooter (strawberry cheesecake slider.. and no, I will NOT tell you what is in it.. you need to get your azzes out c'here to my neck of the woods.. and the first slider is on me) with my son while we were listening to music and talking about our lives and homes... I smiled.. because that little voice that truly never really gives up on me... laughed low and said.. "just one of the many I told you about".
And after replanting a hedge row of 70 tiger lilies because the municipality claimed 5 feet of my field and dug up the lilies, digging a trench to replant them and finding room for all the other plants that were in that space, I learned another valuable lesson... I may be getting on in years, but when push comes to shove, I can still hold my own... and when you get your arzzzes out c'here for the slider, I will show you the new 12 ft. long flower garden I dug out and planted.. provided my back holds out.. (who am I kiddin... I will dance your arazzes under the table at the Deer Oak Inn).
And this weekend, I get to spend with some of the most polite and friendly people this here side of the continent.. cowboys and cowgirls at the Benton Rodeo. Now, for the city gals here, you ain't seen manners and polite hat tipping like you will when you come across a man with a cowboy hat, riding chaps, spurs, and jeans, toting a rope and sporting a big ole award buckle... and if that doesn't make you weak in the knees.. .wait until you see them say "howdy miss" and smile that Sam Elliott smile at you with steel blue eyes just peaking out from under that brim....
yeee hawwww....
Benton Rodeo Site
and it don't get much better than to listen to the Jesse Wade Gang and watch the fireworks.. yep, I am a Country Gal.
Jesse Wade Gang
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