I watch people meet all around me. I see couples that have been together for years. My parents have been married for 56 years this Oct. I sit and wonder...how is that possible? I watch them argue...and yet...stay together. They love each other unconditionally. It is beautiful....
I was in a relationship...dated and married for almost 18 years....
It ended in a nightmare...how can you know someone for so long and it go so bad?  It has made me very careful. I met someone and he really adored me. Sweet...but it freaked me out. I will admit that...it was too much caring too soon. And as the years have gone on...I've tried, hurt people or have been hurt.....I think about it...guess I was just negative and not willing to completely trust.
I have spent months soul searching as to why I appear to be loving and open to people...but when it comes down to it...I run away. Recently...I've decided that you can only have happiness if you are willing to open yourself to maybe being hurt. If it goes badly, you will hurt....
But the saying "Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all" keeps playing in my head. I think I am finally ready after 4 1/2 years to just jump in with both feet and not think too much....
Thank you for listening to my rant 
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read more blogs!
Blogs by Angel178:
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| Is happiness really possible? |
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MrPaul
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Jul 18 @ 2:12PM
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 Great blog, and you have said how many of us feel  
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signme
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Jul 18 @ 2:17PM
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What Mr. Paul said!
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unionman154
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Jul 18 @ 2:19PM
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~*~  Go Go Go Angel
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ElmerFudd445
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Jul 18 @ 2:26PM
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I"m happy... I really don't understand why people think they have to get married to have a happy life .. The odds are really against it on second marriages and on.. I'm not lonely, I have friends who I can do things with if I feel I need company to do things with.. I really don't need anyone to "complete me" .. I've found that I am complete.. there are no missing pieces in my life.. I am whole.. When I truly made that discovery, I realized I was happy with my place in life.. If someone comes along that I would like to live with, then that is what I'll do.. I will live with them and I don't need a document that say's I am married ..
At my age, I feel I have become too set in my ways.. I found marriage brought on compromises. She made compromises toward me and over time, she couldn't live with it anymore.. If you are making compromises in your marriage, it's going to come back and bite you eventually..
I believe that love is when you care more for someones feelings and well being than your own.. Ask yourself, would you take a bullet for them..that is not a compromise for there is no going back if you agree to that... that's a good place to start...
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Angel178
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Jul 18 @ 2:33PM
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I completely agree with you. I have felt that way for a while. Only recently I have decided that if I met someone that wanted the marriage thing...I would consider it again. Otherwise...I'm perfectly happy living with someone. I think that the person needs to know me...know that I'm set in my ways and it either will work for them or not
I have three young children and a full time job. I am who I am....I won't change and that needs to be known up front
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CHARLIgurl1
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Jul 18 @ 3:12PM
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To add to your cleche of "To have loved and lost is better to have not loved at all"
"One mans rubbish is another mans gold.'
"there is someone for everyone'
Its finding our happiness within ourselves first, before we can seek happiness with other people.
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Angel178
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Jul 18 @ 3:27PM
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I love everything that you just said CHAR....
It took me all of these years to be happy with myself...now I'm ready! 
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leprichaun_magic
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Jul 18 @ 3:53PM
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..ah --- a good blog , , you know ..I think ..when you are not .looking ..life often takes you by surprise:)
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wstang69
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Jul 18 @ 4:00PM
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Nice to see you back. I agree with your blog. I find myself not trusting in relationships, after you go thru a few bad ones it does color you attitude.
But, I know this and try to be open to trust.
There is anouther saying: "Trust, but verify"
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ragtopcookie
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Jul 18 @ 4:46PM
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Angel......i think you need a manager to manage your affairs......perhaps we could come to some kind of agreement here....... .......
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ragtopcookie
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Jul 18 @ 4:46PM
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Forgot..........cookie
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Fayvorite
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Jul 18 @ 5:12PM
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I can relate to being with someone for a long time only to part ways leaves one quite a bit afraid to commit to soon to another relationship. Heck after being lonley or unhappy in a marrieage and then becomming happy and single, a relationship gets even more scary, especially where young children are still involved and you have to consider them before ourselves. At least that isn't one of my challenges now.
But my advise is to not test the water with both feet.
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Angel178
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Jul 18 @ 5:35PM
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Cookie...I'm very busy ...I do need a manager...cell me 
Fay...I was willing to jump in with both feet...but listening to you...maybe I'll try one foot at a time
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POPO
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Jul 18 @ 6:31PM
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Angel,
It's just my humble opinion, but starting all over again is not an easy thing to do, but I think your on the right track, you need to take time to get over a relationship completely, before moving into another one. Personally I like to take a break and collect myself and my thoughts, look over the past relationship and take a good look at me and see where I contributed to it not going the distance, or did I jump into it to quick. I find that becoming friends first, and not viewing it or allowing it to get Romantic works the best here's why.
We meet allot of people not everyone is really what they appear to be, often we meet their agent or representive, the best Foot foreward, it's a standard most can't live up to any length of time, the real them shows up somewhere along the way. By remaining friends for months, you have a chance to see their consistency, their honesty and their moods, equally as important you get a chance to really know them, the ones in a hurry or the ones who are looking for a fun weekend or night and fade away like the sunset.
Relationships/Marriage is a life long decision hopefully (that's the goal) or it should be, it's not easy to find the right fit, that fits like pages in a letter, it's out there, but if finding the right person for us were easy, we would all be in relationships. Many settle or jump to quick only to find their back on the dating scene trying it just one more time, or giving up all together.
Many people have a check list that somebody has to meet all the requirements, sadly many of the requirements have nothing to do with "The Heart of the Matter"
In order for people to really see us for who we are, we have to open up, it's hard to fall in love with what you don't really know? As a man I'm telling you that any man who is in a hurry to bed you down will be in as much of a hurry to leave once he's had his fun.If a man is truly interested in you he will accept you as is, no conditions, it's not sex he has on his mind it's your heart and how you will be with him from day to day, the sex is the last part of it, that only confirms feelings it certainly doesn't make them. He will want to know everything about you and in every way, all the little things that make you smile, all of your lil laughs and know what each one means, what makes your heart happy and what you want in a relationship.
Everybody plays the fool sometimes, theirs no excetption to the rule, just like the song, but we don't need to play it over and over, we just need to slow down and get to know someone first for who they are, far to often people chase the same thing over and over without considering what was missing? thus the cycle keeps repeating it's self. I think one of the biggest mistakes people make, they judge this person based on what the last person did? Each relationship needs to stand on it's own merits. If you made a list of 5 of the most important things to you you want in a man, the list usually will go to around 10 things that if those are there, everything else is workable. However the list must be about the Character of a man not what he does or what he has, that doesn't make the man. It's only what the man made, that can come and go, but the true Character is who he is.. 
Anyway your a wonderful woman, who I believe if the right guy comes along and you don't shut him out, but spend time listening and seeing who he really is, you'll learn more about who you are and what you truly need as a woman from a man.
Oh and don't buy into the BS....that I don't need a man! it's not about that, it runs deeper then that, it's the way nature planned it, or God depending on your beliefs. Were meant to be together with one person and spend our lives happy and in love, studies have been done that people in love live longer and happier lives.
Just my dos centavos.. 
Popo
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chubs
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Jul 18 @ 7:12PM
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nice rant, angel, and I really liked what you sez about caring too much too soon because I think I have a tendency to do that whenever I meet someone I'm really attracted to...your words have helped me to realize that behaviour might just have the opposite effect on someone I care about.
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penelopemxli
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Jul 18 @ 7:14PM
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Kudos to you Angel!
You are right, but sometimes you give and nothing happens on the other end...You know how I feel right now, and yes, I took the plunge! Now I just hope things get better than how they are now.
Congratulations on your parents! Mine will turn 40 in November plus 9 of dating before they got married.
Take care sweetie and may God bless you!
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luneib
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Jul 18 @ 7:35PM
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I know, after divorcing I felt as you do, people would try getting close to me, want a ltr and even 'though I put I wanted a ltr on my dating profiles, I just wasn't ready. Perhaps that's because I have always taken care of myself, been a bit independent, perhaps I was afraid that if I got close to someone, they would not return the feelings. That's my guess why you are feeling that way, you are afraid of getting hurt. Relationships can be difficult when you fall for someone who does not feel the same way about you, but if we don't take those chances, we won't ever find what we are looking for.
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Fender
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Jul 18 @ 10:06PM
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I know that...I've been there...I was single for over 4 yrs...Afraid to get hurt...Didn't want to trust anyone, then when I did...Screwed again.
It sucks...Sometimes though we have to give people a chance to prove themselves...Not everyone is an idiot...Sometimes you have to meet many idiots in order to meet someone who will adore you.
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Snappygoddess
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Jul 18 @ 10:49PM
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"To thine own self be true" trust your instincts, they won't steer you wrong.
Allow your heart and mind to be open but don't let them "run the show". You are stronger and smarter now... don't be afraid to trust that. 
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dizzydoll
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Jul 19 @ 12:23AM
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dated and married for almost 18 years..
and now is time to give to yourself a different relationship... a special one, just for you... and it will take a while, dont think about it.... cos the more you think about finding love the more elusive it will be. 
and i am with Elmer on that one, unless we learn to live alone and NOT be lonely, we will just search and search... in vain. 
moreover, love is about finding someone to give love too.... if you looking for someone to love you, thats your first mistake. 
and POPO, well he is the master... and if i find that one who deserves my love, he will have to meet POPO's check list 
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Timber52
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Jul 19 @ 2:05PM
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Sometimes you have to meet many idiots in order to meet someone who will adore you.
I think I have done my time!! 
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