I took the time and chance to step out side of it. I don't like my box but I created it so now I need to get rid of it. My box isn't to small yet it sucks me up like nothing else I know. I hate my box no matter what color I paint it..it still says " just try getting out " but I fooled it...I did just that.
I was invited to Jacksonville FL for a 4 day weekend so I started slowly getting away from my box..guess by now you might be wondering what my box is...well let me try to explain. My box is my room, my yard, my doctor, my drugstore...As I have blogged about before I have major panic attacks that cause me to miss allot of life, so I created a place where I feel safe.
I started driving a little..not to bad except for the fact that within every turn I see and feel danger.. that brown bag that is blowing in the wind turns into a dog, cat, deer or person that I might hit..so I grip the steering wheel just a little tighter and take deep breathes until that fear is past. Then cars, trucks pass by you know the ones don't you..the ones that will slam into you..yup it just keeps going on and on..you ask should I really be driving..the answer is yes I should because I live in the country and all those things that I feel danger from are not really around except the paper bag...and the deer...and......................grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
I lied and said I was in Florida...I wasn't unless you count in my heart. So to make that lie go away I decided to really go to Florida..there were a few people I wanted to see and needed to see and had to see..well I asked my sister-in-law if she was up for a trip..and I packed a few things and my laptop..then the morning came to go and away we went. I made it just into Florida before I started freaking out and no matter what anyone said I had to get back into my box..so we started back, I cant say that im mad about it..maybe disappointed is a better word. I didn't get to finally see, hold, kiss, touch my very first great grand son..now that makes me sad. Didn't get to sit on the beach and just listen either.....BUT I DID IT!!!! I kicked my box in the ass if only for a little while, and I am PROUD OF ME!!!!!!!!!!
I am going to keep going until I get it right...no matter what...Life is so short to let it just slip by.....and this woman / girl is sooooo sick of being alone
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