I have decided to blog here again, compeled by the very thing which before dissuaded me. It is irritating to me when I see people influencing others with what I consider "bad judgement". It irritates me even more when I see people agreeing with them.
There are right ways and wrong ways to do things. Perhaps it would be more appropriate to say there are wise and unwise ways. Internet dating poses a unique set of circumstances with unusual risk factors, so many people set up their own set of "rules" to protect themselves from possible harm. Often times they are like rabbits so afraid of the hawk they never graze in the field of sweet clover. Worse yet they can be like rabbits who choose to hide in a fox's den in the effort to save themselves.
I have in the past posted the story of one of the very first online relationships I was ever involved in. The lady was from Avon Park Florida and I was living in Rogers, AR. After months of writing I drove to Florida to meet this gal who would not even open her door once I got there. To this day I have never even seen her face except for in pictures. Nor do I want to. I am not even sure they were her own pictures. She was a fake. She did not care for me as she said she did. She simply wasted many months of my time and ripped a huge hole in my heart with some fantasy she was playing out.
One thing I learned through that experience is that long term writing through Internet chat, blogging, or emails is no substitute for face to face interaction. Secondly, it is so easy to misrepresent ourselves without even trying through these mediums. Thirdly is that there is a real tragedy in thinking and believing we know someone and to develop strong feelings for them only to meet face to face and come to the overwhelming realization that here is a person face to face who is simply NOT ATTRACTIVE to you and is sometimes actually repulsive.
Any person who sets up rules about talking for some number of weeks, months, or even years is setting themselves up and possible others for a great disappointment.
NEXT, and this is very important. No matter how well you THINK you know someone, you do not invite them to your house for a first meeting. You meet them in a PUBLIC setting. If you have doubts about someone, you should invite them to meet you with a friend or in a group. If they will not agree to this... DUMP THEM!
Anyone with pure intentions will be willing to meet you just to meet you. Personal interactions can be left for a second or third meeting. There is safety in a group. If you have doubts upon meeting, preaarange to leave before your date does leaving him/her in the company of your friends or protector
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read more blogs!
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Blogs by wordsenchanting:
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TripOnLove
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Jul 26 @ 8:25AM
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One thing I learned through that experience is that long term writing through Internet chat, blogging, or emails is no substitute for face to face interaction. Secondly, it is so easy to misrepresent ourselves without even trying through these mediums. Thirdly is that there is a real tragedy in thinking and believing we know someone and to develop strong feelings for them only to meet face to face and come to the overwhelming realization that here is a person face to face who is simply NOT ATTRACTIVE to you and is sometimes actually repulsive.
Dude,you have written the BEST advice for "keeping it real " !
It is sadly a fact that many here and elsewhere are interested ONLY in a keyboard relationship.
It is also a fact that when we meet anyone new in person we form a first impression in a mere 12 seconds.
I for one would rather get that 12 SECONDS OUT OF THE WAY first instead of wasting weeks or maybe months on something that is probably NOT going to go anywhere.
Again,you have written some great advice which should be required reading for EVERYONE who is (or) planning to meet someone from the internet or IRL !
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ghost42950
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Jul 26 @ 9:19AM
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 Been there - Done That - Got the Tee shirt - Tore Up the Shirt 
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TexasRacer
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Jul 26 @ 10:29AM
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Well said. Great post and good solid advice
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one_dimple
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Jul 26 @ 10:51AM
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This is the first blog I've read here in months...first blog I've responded to in months! 
It was too good to pass up. Very sound advice, and realistic.
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skylar4
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Jul 26 @ 10:55AM
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Welcome Back.........your off to a great start as usual
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travelwoman
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Jul 26 @ 10:59AM
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I'm so glad you're back into writing blogs... 
And, yes, you are so right when saying that no matter how long you've been in a computer/phone long-distance relationship, it cannot replace even 5 minutes together face to face in the real world.
It is a sad but true reality that many people want only the fantasy of a virtual relationship. They don't want to come close.
Also, with a rigid set of rules that they established for their relationships, you can be almost certain that, one way or another, the "partner to be" will step in the doo-doo and the relationship will be broken off.
When living through a keyboard and screen only, it is easy to throw away a relationship and therefore possibly trample somebody's feelings. Heck, we don't see that person cry or being upset....  And there is a great big pool in front of us in which we can go fishing again.... 
And that is why some, including myself, just only hang out with the crowd, but don't do the long-distance game anymore. Blogland is a lot of fun, and my friends here are even more fun.
I don't want to brake my heart again on some long-distance dude who likes his fantasies better than a real relationship.... 
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wordsenchanting
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Jul 26 @ 11:32AM
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The blog is a result of a sleepless night where I made the mistake of going to bed too early then tossed and turned in the wee hours thinking about stuff on my mind Thanks for all your replies
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Heart2Heart453
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Jul 26 @ 12:58PM
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How awful to travel so far and to have a door not opened. That reminds me of Garrison Keeler (however you spell his name) radio show yesterday afternoon. His story was of a Bear up north refusing to hibernate because he was chatting with the love of his life, a Sun Bear from the southwest. Bear catches a ride south and goes to said address...instead of the Sun Bear he finds a male armadillo and ends up getting captured and put in a Zoo. Glad you made it home to try again.
The internet is what it is...some folks are honest and who they really are...some are armadillo's pretending to be sun bears.
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Snappygoddess
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Jul 26 @ 1:53PM
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Exactly why when I was still single and dating from online I made it a point to meet in person within weeks of talking to someone online/phone, etc. Personally, I didn't believe in wasting time if there was not going to be some kind of chemistry when meeting in the flesh.
I always met in a public place first.. .if the right feelings weren't there we were both honest and just remained friends with no further dating.
It IS easy to live in a fantasy world behind the keyboard and monitor...unfortunately, some people never get beyond that because of low self esteem or previous bad experiences.
I'm sorry you were treated so poorly...there are good and genuine women out there so don't give up 
Nice blog and welcome back to blog land!
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missliss78
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Jul 26 @ 8:39PM
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 I think you make a lot of sense in this blog, but by the same token everyone has to do their own thing at their own pace & comfort level.
I've been on both sides of this coin. I've met quickly & I've talked for ages, then met...or never met. With that said, while there are players everywhere, there are also genuine people.
I believe we all have the right to dance to the beat of our own drummer.
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mystery2u888
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Jul 28 @ 2:53AM
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 Kudos to you my friend and good to see you 
Very well written
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southernlass
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Jul 28 @ 7:11AM
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There are right ways and wrong ways to do things. Perhaps it would be more appropriate to say there are wise and unwise ways.
Oh no, not one of those men with actual standards! I thought you dinosaurs were extinct. 
I'm one who moves at a medium level pace. I like to exchange a few emails and then move to phone. Within about a month, I'm pretty much ready to meet if phone has gone well.
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