20th High School Reunion Blog Part 1: Preparing for the Reunion...and Closure posted 8/8/2009 6:28:31 PM | 2 kudos what's this?     report abuse

j_goose

Other than the usual sh*t, shower, and shave there''s a few other thigs you may want to consider when preparing to attend your high school reuion.

If you can, walk to the event. The plan should be to get shnookered on cocktails and act like a asshole. You're not goig to see these people for another te years at least, and you really wat to speak your mind. Sometimes it takes a little bit of that "liquid courage" in order to accomplish this. Walking to the event make it easier to get home without the possibility of confronting the cops.

Let the good memories as well as the bad ones hit you like waves....ad let that sh*t sik in. You need to impress people with your memory as well as offend as many people as possible. (Ifyou can, load up on Taco Bell just prior to leaving...the added gas will only be tolerated by your real friends. And do't brush your teeth. Only those who genuinely want to hear what you have to say will lean in despite your cesspool mouth.

Speking of leaning in, when they give you a name tag to fill out, write REALLY SMALL so that only the oes who actually know who you are will call you by name. The rest will weed themselves out when they squint to see what your tag reads, and those were most likely the ones who didn't talk to you baack in the day anyway.

If you're taking my advice and walking to the event, slap on some extra deodorant. No one wte to SHOW UP to the reunion with pit stains. These will come naturally when the booze inspires you to dance on the bar to Sir Mix-a-Lot's "Baby Got Back." Pit stains are more socially acceptable when you're acting hyper in public.

And last but not least, to complete your "Reunion Preparation Ritual", Masturbate. Vigorously. So much that it almost leaves abrasions. Multiple times if you can. It'll put a big grin on your face when that dumb jock, pretty boy, or stuck up cheerleader shakes your "whacking hand". They'll just think you're actually happy to see them.

Only YOU will know the real reason you're smiling.

More to come..........Stay Tuned........

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