Hello everyone.... I know its been a while since I have been here and blogged... as so many of you have supported and cheered on my relationship, I thought it fitting to let you know how things are.
As of July 20 via text message, My man left... He made love to me the night before as usual, kissed me goodmorning, we had coffee together as usual, went to work and had the regular routine through out the day. Text me when he got to work that he made it safe and he loves me. When he got off work he text me he was done, as usual and on his way home. Then, about an hour later I get a text saying and I guote... "Hey, Im not happy, I need to go away for a few days to clear my head, I do love you, this is just something I have to do, I hope you understand, I'll be in touch."......
I frantically tried to call, text, nothing... for 3 days I heard nothing.. I was sooo sick with worry that something had happened I could barely function at work. It was worse when I got home, all his things were still there and I spent hours waiting and watching for him to come home.
When he did contact me, he let me know he was fine, his bp was fine and asked me to please pay the cell phone bill and thank you..... that was it.. he wouldnt tell me where he was, said he just needed to be alone to figure things out.
I did.... I tried not to contact him unless it was something that I just had to know.. I know that when a man goes into his cave a woman cant stand outside the door asking if he is done and when he is going to come out... I was willing to give him as much space as he needed. I honestly was thinking midlife crisis, cold feet as we were to have gotten married the week of July 6th.
His daughters had been up to see me several times and called to see if I was ok, then the oldest told me she was to meet her dad that day that he wanted to talk..
She called me later just hysterically crying... She said he had left me for a married friend of mine.... that he wasnt going to come back. He had already taken her to all the family, friends and band members... telling everyone that he was happier with her than he had ever been with me.. that I held him back from doing things he wanted to do...
I broke at that monent .... I cried nonstop for I cant even remember how long, daily cries since it happened and visits to the company shrink. He has yet to talk to me and tell me what happened, why he was unhappy and didnt say anything, if he even was or if he just got the urge to go sew some wild oats with my married friend who cheats on her husband with uhhhh just about anyone... but anyway.
He left all his things here except clothes, he left his cat, his truck ... personal items like his fathers flag... and has not looked back.
I have held out what I now know to be false hopes of him even coming back... I think because his stuff is still here... I have boxed his things up and am going to put them in the garage.. he hasnt changed his po box, mail and bills still come here without him even asking if he needs to take care of anything... no communication from him.
I had asked him to come up one night and he said ok, then stood me up, no sorry, cant make it, nothing.. just me sitting waiting again.
I have never loved more openly or with more trust than I did with him... as most of you know, trust is a very hard thing for me due to what all I have been through.. but I am going to try not to have a hardened heart because of this.
My boys are confused, the girls are devistated.. they love me and said they always will.... as I will them. But nothing will ever be the same again. ...
I thought I could take him back, I begged, pleaded and tried everything to get him to come back... but nothing but silence... I am humilliated, broken and my self esteem is in the toilet to say the least.
I dont feel like I can go and do the things I like to do, the band gigs, public places because they will be there or friends will be there and you know they are all going to be looking at me like ok... is she going to open fire or what...
So, I just wanted to update everyone and let you know that it is over. I am better today than I have been the whole 20 days he has been gone... I was talking to someone last night who totally put things in perspective for me from an unbiased male point of view... thank you so much for that. Its funny how the people around you are afraid to say what they really think, for fear of what if you get back together, I dont want to be the one who said he is a jerk... I understand.. but that isnt what I needed. I needed someone to shake me and say, he is gone, he doesnt want you, he left you and hasnt looked back once. Get on with your own life and get over him!!!
I am sad, lost and lonely.. espically when the boys are gone... thats the hardest on me.. when the house is quiet and I get a whiff of his cologne on a shirt or blanket... then the tears start again... but I have to put on my big gurl panties and drudge forward...
Repair ME so I can become the best me possible for myself.. I have to stop asking why and what if... I know its not my fault... he would constantly reaffirm to me, Baby, I am right where I want to be and we are going to grow old together.
Or this one really just hits me in the gut...... he would say. " I sware to God I will never cheat on you.... I sware to God on my kids lives I will never leave you"
How can you say that, which I strongly protest talking like that to begin with... but seriously... who does that then leaves... WTF is up with that... does he NOT believe in bad Karma.... Bad enough leaving like a coward via text message, but to have done it after you have made those kinds of statements... I wouldnt dare.
He did tell me, if things dont work out with her, that I will be the first to know and I will get first chance at him...... awwww wasnt that sweet.. NOT!!!! I just want closure so I can begin to grieve the loss of my best friend/soul mate and a gf...
Thank you all for reading my blog... 
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mik48
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Aug 9 @ 3:02PM
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my heart and my soul go out to you. There is nothing more painful than a sudden ending, especially when you are so happy one moment and then alone the next. It is absolutely heart wrenching to bear sometimes. You sound like a strong, vibrant woman and I seriously doubt any of this is your fault and obviously by his taking up with somebody beyond your back and then having the gall to give you first crack if it doesn't work out, speaks volumes about his completely crass and inconsiderate manner. Quite simply Kallie you deserve better and it is my fervent hope that someday you will realize that life did you a huge favour and allowed you to escape before you married him. Perhaps, closure might come this way or perhaps it will just take time. By no means is any of this your fault. Hugs Michael
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RainSongSpirit
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Aug 9 @ 3:21PM
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There are no tolerences, no excuses for cheating, male or female. Period! The people left behind are the ones that suffer and left holding it all together, while the other patner, gets to live his/her life. I have been where you are. It has been about 59 days since my breakup. I am finally at the acceptance stage . It was brutal. Let me know if I can help k? You are so undeserving of this. 
PlayList&p=4CC9FB5F933C02BF&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=12
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Guerrero
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Aug 9 @ 3:34PM
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Welcome back Kallie.
Keep your head up, which it sounds like you've been doing anyway. I'm shocked. I mean, that's all I can really say.
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PrettyGreenEyes578
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Aug 9 @ 3:38PM
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I am so sorry that you and all of the children have had to go through all of this.
All of you are in my prayers.
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Merchitown
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Aug 9 @ 3:58PM
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That is a woman's worst fear when it comes to love....at least it's mine.
It sounds like it is a mid-life crisis but even so, he is unworthy. Even if he does come back, I truly hope you're not waiting. What an incredibly disrespectful and just plain hateful thing to do.
I hope you have friends close by...I don't know of a better time in which to curl up with your girlfriends and have some icecream.
~*~
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missliss78
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Aug 9 @ 4:00PM
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Kallie, I am sorry you've had to go thru this experience.
I echo the sentiments of those before me here....
And despite how difficult this all is, I know you are woman enough not to want someone who doesn't want you....we know if this is done once, it may be done again.
I'm sure there was some underlying issue you probably still are not aware of...
But here's to you grieving & getting your heart back in shape to love again....one day.
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Jacksonboy
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Aug 9 @ 4:04PM
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Aww man I am so sorry for all of this. 
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RainSongSpirit
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Aug 9 @ 4:17PM
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I wanted to add, please take care of you too. Do not forget to eat, sleep, etc. Don't hold any blame. It takes a while, but letting go of the anger helps too. Therapy is a great resource. Before long you will have the confidence back, and people noticing you. :-) It might be a little bit, but it DOES happen. Trust me on this! Please. You will amaze yourself how strong you are! peace my friend
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ColdinWisconsin
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Aug 9 @ 4:40PM
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Since no one else has said it...I will.
What an ass.
Cowardly, selfish, egotistical mother f***ing asshole.
There. I said it for you.
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Heart2Heart453
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Aug 9 @ 4:54PM
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What CW said...^^^^^^^^ what a jerk! 
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luvshorses644
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Aug 9 @ 5:00PM
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I am sorry.. but you do have things in line with the attitude.. and you have email...
Remember.. he is the idjet.. and one day he will say so himself.
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illusion790
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Aug 9 @ 5:13PM
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I'm sorry for what you are going through. I have to agree with CW. he is...
We are all here for you.
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CHARLIgurl1
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Aug 9 @ 5:21PM
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What hurt for me in a similat situation is.. that they keep it from you.. kidding you.. lying.. deceiving.. then BAM Gone!
People like this who cant be honest dont deserve happiness.
The one thing you can count on tho.. is that he'll more than likely do it to her too.
So sorry it didnt work out.. but by the sounds of it youre better off without people like them in your life.
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Wolf36
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Aug 9 @ 5:22PM
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Kallie, I think it should be law, that anyone doing this to their life's partner should be held down and the tatoo of an asshole drawn on their body in a visible location. That way if someone is ever in a bar or any social scene and meets one of these male/female creatures, they'll know to avoid them.
I know you're hurting Kallie, I'll be thinking of you,
Wolf
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RainSongSpirit
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Aug 9 @ 5:36PM
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I agree with wolf, and......when you find someone who loves you all the way, he, (bonehead) will be back, and, it will be his demise. Someone is out there just waiting to love you. Hold on to that.
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Fender
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Aug 9 @ 5:38PM
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He's nucking futz and doesn't deserve you....
I'm sorry that happened to you and your kids....Surround yourself with those who truly love you...That's all I can say...He's not worthy of your time or thoughts. I know it's hard...It'll get better though, trust me.
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leprichaun_magic
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Aug 9 @ 5:55PM
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I,m sorry:(
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sphynxsmile
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Aug 9 @ 7:13PM
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Nobody deserves what you've been through. Thank God you're rid of him
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oceanlover734
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Aug 9 @ 7:39PM
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It is very hard when something like this happens. I feel for you but one thing I would hope you'd think about. Would you really take him back at the cost of never feeling secure in your relationship? How could you ever feel good with him again after him making love with you, telling you he loves you etc and leaving you all within a 24 hour period? Let yourself heal now.
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daisy315
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Aug 9 @ 9:30PM
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been there, done that... have the tattoo..  .. I have forgiven him for the way he dumped me.. but even after 3 years, my heart still aches.. but I have moved on with my life and I don't think about him every day..
this man is terribly selfish.. and self centered.. does he think you are gonna wait for him ?.. what's to stop him from doing it again?..
you deserve so much better than what he has to offer you..
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bamastyle
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Aug 9 @ 9:33PM
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First Chance??? I hope he has had his last chance with you!
You know the great thing about cheaters is they will never trust each other! 
There is perfect karma!
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jerzygrl328
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Aug 9 @ 10:10PM
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I'm so sorry for what you and your kids are going through. It is so hard to understand how someone who you thought loved you, was your partner, your best friend, could be so deceptive, lie and cheat...that was the most difficult part for me. I, too, never got any answers as to the why...now I've moved on...don't care...and found a new love. You will trust again, it will take longer than before...what I finally decided was that I would not let HIM control my life. Even though he was gone, he was essentially controlling my thoughts and emotions.
Like every one said, take care of yourself and your kids, be kind to you...and remember Karma IS a bitch...it will come back to him, some how, some day,some way...
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chubs
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Aug 10 @ 2:52AM
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some jerks have all the luck and get to date lovely women like you, but then they don't know how good they have it and go cheat and treat 'em wrong...hope this idiot hasn't ruin't the chances for us serious guys with you...when you get over your hurt, humilation, and, yes...guilt (its nucking futs but somehow even when a person gets dumped they will feel some guilt), and yer finally ready to show him you have moved on, and you need a revenge date...just call poor ol' chubs...but, untill then, I wish you luck and am sorry that chump did you the way he did...totally classless...espically after you were going to marry him
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southernlass
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Aug 11 @ 7:35AM
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Kallie, I'm so sorry. 
I know it's not something that will really help right now but the man will reap what he's sown down the road at some point. This isn't going to return things to what they once were. No one can make someone be what we want them to be or make things come out like we dreamed that they would.
I believe however, that somehow you deserved better, and fate or whatever you believe in, knew it. What if you had married this guy?
Midlife crisis or not, there's no excuse for the way you've been treated and the disrespect he's perpetrated onto someone he professed to love. Don't trust him again, is my opinion. Heal and take care of you right now. Cry on all of your friend's shoulder's and baby yourself. It could take awhile to feel better, but you will ...eventually, girl.
When you do, you're a beautiful woman. There will be someone waiting who is worthy.
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southernlass
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Aug 11 @ 7:39AM
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Oh one more thing...
He will be back. She'll get old. Then he'll do the same thing to her and he arrive back on your doorstep then.
If your'e smart, you'll slam the door in his face.
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nosary
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Aug 25 @ 1:47PM
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i wonder y isnt there a law against this?is it because heartbreak cant b measured. the devastation it causes makes it a crime really
and do u know the worst part. u will go thru this alone coz all the sissy men in the world cant hold a good woman during her losses. what happened to the age old protective, save the damsel in distress men?
i hope to hear from u again with news that he got a dose of his own medicine and u did better than u could with him
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EternalFlame
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Aug 28 @ 3:17PM
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Kallie, I'm only just reading this for the first time...I haven't been around here much these days.
All I can say is, in order to find Prince Charming, we have to kiss a lot of toads.
He was a toad.
*HUGS*
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misschoos
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Aug 28 @ 5:51PM
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I am sure you will work things out eventually Deana, either with or without him, just be strong.
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