My tenant's wife of eighteen years just died. He telephoned a little while ago. I'm not sure why I'm feeling such shock and disbelief. I don't know why I didn't see this coming, but she was only thirty eight years old. She was still young. She was an alcoholic.
I remember when the couple moved here about four months ago. I attempted to talk with her one day, sitting myself down and trying to get to know her better. She was talkative, but there was a distance she kept between us, emotionally-speaking, that I should have been very familiar with. It wasn't quite noon on a weekday, and I could smell the rank odor of cheap beer over ten feet away.
She was sitting outside having a smoke or two, and we chatted for about twenty minutes. It was probably one of the few times I would get the opportunity to actually sit down and try to talk at length with her. She seemed to stay inside the majority of the time and I rarely saw her for more than the occasional minute or two when she was leaving the property. I had the hint of her alcohol problems, but I don't think I had a clue exactly how bad the problem really was. I hadn't wanted to offend. She and her husband were my tenants. I told myself it "wasn't my place," and that pushing anything would be "out of line."
About a week or two ago, it occurred to me several times that I hadn't seen her at all, nor heard her speaking with her husband. They lived next door, so I would occasionally hear them greeting one another, or something to indicate that all was well for them. They seemed to get along great, but I thought again how odd it was that she never came outside, or that I never seemed to see her.
Now she's gone, and I'm left realizing that someone can quite literally drink themselves to death at the age of thirty eight years old. And yet again, I realize that the disease of alcoholism is no lightweight and it is vicious in its ability to debilitate and destroy; it's truly a cunning, baffling, and powerful disease as AA states, and its victims are many. And it's not a disease that we should be polite or silent about.
I have to wonder if there wasn't more I could have done and whether or not I missed silent, subtle cues that might have led to an opening to encourage her to get help. Perhaps I should have been more aggressive in vocalizing what I've learned as an alcoholic in recovery for over fifteen years now. I didn't pick up on how urgent this matter was, for some reason. I wasn't aggressive. I was subtle. I thought there was time. I was too subtle. There won't be another chance to help now. There won't be the opportunity to be of service to that alcoholic. She's dead.
I remained in my place. I was polite. I didn't want to be offensive. And right underneath my nose, almost right in front of me on my own property, she's gone.
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gunn12fan
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Aug 15 @ 4:44AM
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Sorry to hear about the loss. 
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ragtopcookie
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Aug 15 @ 4:51AM
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Ive learned the hardway that one cant help somebody who wont help themselves.....concern is nice to have for anybody......but really....what could you have done to stop this from happening?.......cookie
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daisy315
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Aug 15 @ 6:04AM
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my ex husbands first wife died when she was 28.. alcoholism.. she left behind 3 children under the age of 8.
if they don't want help, you CAN'T help.. believe me.. I watched her kill herself slowly with a bottle.. her own mother refusing to believe.. or admit that her daughter had a problem because she didn't want the neighbors to know.. so sad..
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Snappygoddess
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Aug 15 @ 6:46AM
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She seemed to have had a good husband... if he couldn't get her to stop drinking why would you think you could have? It's sad that she felt that booze was her only way out.. 38 is not very old.
Congratulations on being 15 yrs in recovery 
Don't be so hard on yourself...you DID befriend her and she probably appreciated that more then anything else you could have done. SHE had to be the one to make the decision to stop.
I'm sorry you're hurting and feeling guilty....please don't.
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Tunes4u
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Aug 15 @ 11:46AM
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Beautiful post on a sad subject.
~*~
Tunes
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POPO
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Aug 15 @ 12:52PM
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Hey Southern Babe.... 
What could you do? I have a brother in KC that drinks all the time, his wife of 30 years can't get him to quit, even when she leaves sometimes for months, I don't get, I can't stand the taste or effect of booze, he's only 13 months older then me and looks 15 years older  it's a crazy addiction.. 
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SpiritOrnery
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Aug 15 @ 1:57PM
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You can pray for peace for her, her husband and other family members and for your own peace of mind. Or...you can feel guilty and continue to beat yourself up for something you really had nothing to do with creating. Your choice.
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southernlass
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Aug 17 @ 1:08AM
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In regard to the topic matter, I guess I failed to make clear why I felt such a responsibility to this lady who has passed away. It doesn't exactly make sense without some kind of brief explanation in this regard.
When one becomes clean and sober through the Alcoholics Anonymous spiritual program of recovery, one realizes that a gift has been freely given them and it is a gift that no price can ever be placed upon.
I was personally given such a gift, fifteen years or so ago, and I will always do whatever I can do to be there for other suffering alcoholics/drug addicts, or any addict for that matter. I have personally known the hell these men and women endure. I want to be there for these people if they should ever need a shoulder or one to sponsor them, or even just bring them to an AA meeting.
I feel as if I dropped the ball in regard to this lady that came to the place I live, that sheltered so close to me on my property. Somehow, I wasn't paying attention over the four months that she resided here and I didn't realize the seriousness of her condition. I was preoccupied. This won't happen again as I've been quite firmly reminded how fleeting life is and how lethal the disease of alcoholism is. The reminder was painful and I doubt I'll need another one to be certain that I'm doing my part with fellow men and women who are still suffering, who may cross my path in the future.
Thank you all for listening to my story and yet another "lesson" in life.
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misschoos
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Aug 18 @ 4:46AM
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So very sad. ~*~
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