I'm sad to be able to call him a man, because at 20 years old he's no longer the little college boy I grew to know and love. As a younger girl, I cannot feel that the intellectual standards he expects of me will continue to grow as time goes on. It's interesting to see how relationships over the internet turn out - one or the other is eager to meet, and the person whom they're dying to get to know expects the relationship to dwindle within the next couple of months. I speak with him on the phone every single day, each conversation lasting for hours. The three hour time difference rarely proves to be a problem, since he still wants to speak to me at two in the morning. Unfortunately, that makes him think it's okay to call me while I'm dead asleep and wake me up.
The constant exchange of hurtful names is a game we frequently play, and although they fail to pierce through me and actually offend, I always fear that the feeling isn't mutual on the other end. He's a very sensitive boy - something I can still call him until August 29 - and although I love taking advantage of his insecurity, in the back of my mind I'm afraid he'll be too offended to want to speak to me again. And honestly, I don't know what I would do without him.
The impact he's made on me hasn't been huge, but when I'm can't feel anymore down, he persists on lecturing me to make me feel better. You wouldn't think that it really would make me happier, but I know he's trying his best to teach me something, to let me know that crying isn't the way to solve anything. And that makes me smile.
His love life is something I constantly mock, which makes him regret ever telling me anything. I can't help bring up those women - not that there were many of them at all, but nevertheless, it's fun to be able to bring a true reaction out of him. He persists that when he speaks to me, he tries to "play" me, that most of what he says isn't sincere. But to be able to delve into his past and dig up the subjects he hates the most, it comforts me to know that he isn't all fake.
As time went on he would try to convince me that he had feelings for me, and I'm not sure whether or not he realizes that I'm suspicious of every word he utters. I've been lied to countless times, so although he'd have to be an incredibly convincing liar to come up with such a history the moment I ask for it, I can't help me unsure. How do I know he doesn't laugh as soon as he hangs up, calling me stupid for actually thinking what he says is true. I've never met him, but he's one of the only people I'm closest to. The very thought seems sad to me, and I tell him, to his dismay, that he doesn't count. As a boy, as a friend. I met him over the internet - what is he to me? I'm afraid to mention him to my friends and family, because I don't want them to think that I'm unable to maintain a friendship any other way.
There's only been one other boy who've I've been that close to, and although I still keep in contact with him, he now has a girlfriend - something I've squealed over and congratulated him many a time, and I'm too happy for him. But I've know him since the fifth grade, and I don't want to draw farther from him now that somebody else is in his life. But I digress, this blog is about the lovely Chinese boy I'm act like I'm addicted to. Which I wish I was, but the reality of it is, if I never spoke to him again, I wouldn't give it a second thought. That's why I want to meet him - so he won't be just another internet friend, a kind of a friend that comes and goes. I don't want him to come and go. I want him to come and want to stay with me for a long time.
(On a side note, this blog was written just for him to read, haha)
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