A THREE YEAR OLD BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET. HIS MOTHER THINKS HE HAS BEEN IN THERE TOO LONG, SO SHE GOES IN TO SEE WHAT'S UP. THE LITTLE BOY IS GRIPPING ON TO THE TOILET SEAT WITH HIS LEFT HAND AND HITTING HIMSELF ON TOP OF THE HEAD WITH HIS RIGHT HAND. HIS MOTHER SAYS: "BILLY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? YOU'VE BEEN IN HERE FOR A WHILE." BILLY SAYS: "I'M FINE, MOMMY. I JUST HAVEN'T GONE 'DOODY' YET." MOTHER SAYS: "OK, YOU CAN STAY HERE A FEW MORE MINUTES. BUT, BILLY, WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF ON THE HEAD?" BILLY SAYS: "WORKS FOR KETCHUP!"  
A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite.. He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth.
He tries this a few more times with no success. All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window... muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything. She opens the window and yells to her husband, "you need a piece of tail !!" The man turns with a confused look on his face and says, "make up your damn mind !! Last night, you told me to go fly a kite !!"
*HUGS & FOOTRUBS* ladies..   .. *HANDSHAKES* guys..   I'd like to add a small prayer request for my dad. He has a mild case of shingles, but prognosis is good, as he caught it very early on. He's doing very well since his dehydration / low potassium / high heat incident.  
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