God's Health Plan for America
by the Rev. Jimmy Lovegood, Jr
Dr. Lovegood is the pastor of the Gold Avenue Baptist Church in Arlington, Texas and the son of Octopus International Insurance CEO, James Lovegood. ([I]See 9/10/09 blog - Outsourcing: The Ultimate Solution to America's Healhcare Crisis)
The Gold Avenue Baptist Church contains the world's largest IMAX screen, which enables the congregation to worship themselves and Pastor Lovegood on a personal basis. Under his leadership since 2000, the church has grown from 400 members to 50,000 members - primarily because all tithing members were promised fat military contracts from the Lovegood's friends, Bush, Cheney & Co.[/I]
Dear Brothers and Sisters,
While on providing spiritual guidance to a group of church members going on a six week mission to Scandinavia, God made a revelation to me. I know it was God because he had the same horns, reptillian tail and pitchfork that I remember as a 12 year old boy, when I gave me life to my master's service. I now want to share his revelation to you and my beautiful wife, Sara Jane! Sara Jane couldn't come along with us, because she had previously committed to provide spirtual comfort to a team of 24 college atheletes on a mission trip to Cancun, Mexico.
Things were becoming increasingly stressful on our mission. As you know, Sweden is filled with heathen Socialists. They stubbornly refused to listen to our witness that Haliburton International has a plan for their lives. They mock the Holy Spirit by speaking in a diabolical tongue instead of Christian English. What they call a Bible is written in strange words created by Satan. Their forked tongues utter such nosense as saying that the beloved gospel hymn, "How Great Thou Art" was originally a Swedish hymn. Do they take me to be a fool? There is no such Holy word as "thou" in their devil's tongue. And they have no poor people! God created poor people so that the rightous would know that they are blessed by God.
At any rate, when I was my morale was at its lowest, God sent me 24 year old Britt Louise Anderson for spiritual guidance and comfort. After wrestling with her demons all night long, I felt wonderfully relaxed. The God then came to me and spoke.
He told me that the greed for money is the root of all evil. It is the greed for money that is causing so much discord among those in America, who have not been chosen by God to be the blessed elite. Because they have some money and some property, they only want more and more of what rightfully belongs to us. Now these unclean spirits are demanding to have care from doctors and hospitals like God's elect receive. Employment must be eliminated by those of us chosen to have dominion over the world, in order to stop these tricks of Satan. He then told me how this can be accomplished.
He said that after Adam and Eve had messed up things in the Garden of Evil, he had created the institution of slavery to keep the unblessed from causing trouble. If the unblessed have no salaries and own no property, they will not be greedy for more. Slavery is God's omniscient answer to the Socialist sickness that now ails America! He said that Brothers Reagan, Bush I and Bush II had transferred 60% of the middle class's ill-gained wealth to the rightious 2% elite, but that was not enough. We must give our souls completely to his service and with any means possible, remove all the remaining un-deserved wealth from these unblessed people. Every unblessed person should have a blessed person as his or her master. All food and shelter should be at the discretion of the blessed. Of course, the unblessed should have some healthcare to keep them working, but as soon as any major healthcare expense comes along, the unrightious slackers should be deleted, as they are reducing profits and therefore mocking the Holy Spirit of Capitalism.
Thus saith the Lord, Amen.
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| The Pastor's Corner - God's Health Plan for America |
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