When I was 30 years younger and single, the dating world was so much different. Actually I was too, being so much younger and thinner. Well the type of places I went to has the same age crowd as it did 30 years ago and I am not near as comfortable feeling more like a Grandma to the crowd as when I fit right in. I haven’t been single or active long enough to know where more mature crowds hang out.
But I discovered dating sites about 3 years ago. Well in the last three years I don’t have any exciting stories to tell about the activity of meeting men for that initial cup of coffee. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had some good stories from when I go out with the girls but that would make me blush if I told them.
I’m just wondering some of the experiences people have had over meeting for coffee?
I’ve enjoyed several initial meeting for coffee dates from emails, often the next step is left in my hands and I’m just not aggressive enough to every make contact again. Often I know I could just be friends but no more. But never has someone made my heart skip a beat. Sometimes I think there is so much more pressure meeting someone when you know it is for a relationship because it is forcing you to judge a book by its cover, so to speak. Where as if I were to fall into conversation with a stranger I would be so much more at ease without pressure. I say this because my profile says I’m not looking for a relationship but almost every man that has contacted me, well their profile says they are looking for a relationship leading to marriage. Well I guess I just figured it out why I feel pressure. Maybe a part of me is wondering if I’m going to meet someone that will make me “want” to be in relationship.
Again, I’m just wondering some of the experiences people have had over meeting for coffee?
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Blogs by Fayvorite:
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| That Notorious First Coffee Date |
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Fender
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Sep 12 @ 10:31PM
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I wish I could tell you something helpful...I've never actually met someone from online...Although I have to say...It would be hard because that pressure would be there...Will it work? And all that jazz.
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butterfly943
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Sep 13 @ 12:39AM
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I met a man online and we were together for 3 years..Ive met and had some very nice dates also kept them as friends so keep hanging in there they are out there even for us oldies but goodies 
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BandTMom
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Sep 13 @ 12:56AM
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Sometimes I think there is so much more pressure meeting someone when you know it is for a relationship because it is forcing you to judge a book by its cover, so to speak. Where as if I were to fall into conversation with a stranger I would be so much more at ease without pressure.
If people could get beyond this and meet others simply as friends and make that understood, I think the whole thing would be a lot easier.
Just think...get to know someone online and become friends. You decide to meet as 2 freinds getting together for a cup of coffee or what ever with the understanding that there are no expectations. If the spark is there, that's awesome. If it's not, you still have your friend. 
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Chris_in_california
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Sep 13 @ 1:36AM
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others simply as friends and make that understood, I think the whole thing would be a lot easier
Why is there pressure to make it more than that ?
If you can not first be friends, Why would you even want to get any more involved ?
Just go have fun and make a friend. or not.
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dizzydoll
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Sep 13 @ 4:23AM
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i met someone in NY when i was there. before i met him i knew he wasnt my type even tho i hadnt met him yet he was very kind and accommodating and kept my big suitcase while i traveled further... but i must admit he was about 20 years older than his profile stated. 
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sloriver
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Sep 13 @ 4:25AM
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I met seven people and knew all of them were wrong for me before the cup of coffee was finished. But the last cup of coffee was just right. The important thing to remember is not to expect anything except coffee. Stay cheerful and relaxed and be yourself. If he doesn't like you that way then a relationship is impossible anyway. Go with your feelings and have no regrets if there's no good feeling there. When it finally happens it's worth the wait. Just don't pressure yourself.
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edthepoet
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Sep 13 @ 6:48PM
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I have met over 40 women of the internet and only had one bad time.
Always remember, it's really just a meeting and if it goes well and there's a plan for a second one, then it was a date.
About the feeling of pressure, my advice is not to make such a big deal, let it flow naturally rather then discuss major things.
Too many people discuss marriage and moving in way way too soon.
Just be yourself, this lessen the pressure,because you don't have to try and impress the person.
Remember a date isn't a lifetime commitment,it's just a nice night out if both parties didn't lie in their profile, e-mails or on the phone about themselves.
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Fayvorite
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Sep 13 @ 7:19PM
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If I weren't myself, I'm not sure who I would be. Just being me comes naturally.
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ttomtarr
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Sep 13 @ 7:41PM
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I had about a dozen coffee shop meetings, and knew immediately that they were no-go matches
When I saw Sweet Thang coming through the door of the coffee shop/book store, I thought it probably won't last too long, but it will be fun while it lasts. That was 11 yeas ago, and there is no end in sight. In the first 15 minutes I knew I wanted to see a lot more of her.
I think a profile should include your strengths and shortcomings, and honest accurate, up to date photos. Any competant writer can lie like h_ll and get lots of dates, but they will go nowhere. A good profile draws those you want, and encourages the kinds you don't want to look elsewhere. Like a gold pan, it holds the nuggets, and washes away the pebbles.
Also, after about 40, control is more on the guys' side, and women have a harder time finding partners. They have to be more active. The high school deal of sit and pick from the suitors is all done.
Having once run a singles bar, I know how easy it can be to find the right partner. It amazes me how many people do all the wrong things over and over again, and expect different results.
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misschoos
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Sep 22 @ 6:34AM
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When internet dating was new, I went to meet someone for a coffee, but I didn't stop to chat. As soon as I saw him I rudely did a runner. I should have known it wasn't right, he lived with his pet rabbit and she had a free run of his house. I am not sure why I even bothered 
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Sternfan69
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Sep 22 @ 7:07AM
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i have never met over coffee,,is that some cliche, dating thing, yuppies do?
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mystery2u888
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Sep 22 @ 8:52AM
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You have to be very careful is all I have to say.........I have met a few......very interesting.......friends still ......some were fabulous......but you must learn everything and not just talk for a few calls or a few emails be careful very careful.......is a must.......you don't know who is on the other end you must see they are who they say they are and screening is the best thing just like a house ask all kinds of things......just for your own safety.......there have been people who use several old old pictures and fake pictures and just alot of Talkers.........   but.....you can tell how someone writes to you over a period of time and how well they communicate do they know what they are talking about or is all just TALK  you can find out so much do not rush into anything.....I seen people rush into things and boy were they sorry.......to many high hopes of finding the one......and ......you just take your time.........just like any investment you use precautions and go from there................you will see..........the truth always comes out.........and that little cup of coffee, could be disaster............I say take your time......dont' be willing to give out your phone number and personal information take your time.
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