Hope these bring a smile or two to ya. 
DONALD & DAISY
Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy.
The first thing Daisy asked was, 'Do you have a condom?'
Donald frowned and said, 'No.'
Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have sex.
'Maybe they sell them at the front desk,' she suggested.
So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms.
'Yes, we do,' the clerk said and pulled a box out from under the counter and gave it to Donald.
The clerk asked, 'Would you like me to put it on your bill?
'No!' Donald quacked, ‘I'll thuffocate.’
** thanks Lynn, for this one & the next one! ** 
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VENTRILOQUIST & THE BLONDE
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in . With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blond jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting:
“I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? Its men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general... and all in the name of humor!?”
Embarrassed, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, “You stay out of this! I'm talking to that little shit on your lap!”
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VATICAN HUMOR
After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and
he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still
standing on the curb. 'Excuse me, Your
Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we
can leave?' 'Well, to tell you the truth,'
says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a
cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today.' 'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. 'I'd lose my job! What if something should happen?' protests the
driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning. 'Who's going to tell?' says the Pope with a smile. Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as
the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets
his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors
it, accelerating the limo to 205 kph.. (Remember, the Pope is
German..) 'Please slow down, Your Holiness!'
pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the
metal until they hear sirens. 'Oh, dear God,
I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!' moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window
as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes
back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio. 'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the
dispatcher.
The Chief gets on the radio and
the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 205 kph.
'So bust him,' says the Chief.
'I don't think we want to do that, he's really
important,' said the cop..
The Chief
exclaimed,' All the more reason!'
'No, I mean
really important,' said the cop with a bit of persistence.
The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there,
the mayor?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'
Chief: 'A senator?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'
Chief: 'The Prime Minister?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'
'Well,' said the Chief, 'who is it?'
Cop: 'I think it's God!'
The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes
you think it's God?'
Cop: 'His chauffeur is
the Pope!' 
*HUGS & FOOTRUBS* ladies.. *HANDSHAKES guys.... 
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