What is the condition of your underpants? posted 10/2/2009 5:36:11 PM | 2 kudos what's this?     report abuse

thenewguy295

I have to confess that I try to wear them as long as the waist band stays tight enough to stay on. That means they tend to be very raggedy especially around the lower crotch area, I do a lot of walking. Fortunately colored undies look cleaner longer than white ones. Those just reach a point, long before they become unservicable, where you can't wash them enough to make them look clean again. I don't have tighty whities anymore and I don't understand why Moms insist on buying them. Seems like a lot of extra work for Mom and they get stained the first time you wear them!

The Royal navy wears white undies and traditionally they all change into a clean pair before going into battle. I think I'd leave my dirty ones on so I'd have a clean pair to wear after the battle. I don't think I'd be any more comfortable with clean ones on anyhow, what with volkswagen sized shells screaming in from the Bismarck and I certainly wouldn't be worried that the other guys secretly knew. "Aye, I'm no sharing a battle station with Magnus, he's not changed his underpants!" Maybe that's why they bury them at sea.

Sometimes if I have longish undies on while wearing shorts, pieces of torn cloth will hang down. So far it hasn't resulted in any public embarrassment but I now keep a stapler in the car for just such an occassion.

However, I have a vivid imagination sometimes and I have heard of (or seen on a tv show) bank robbers making everybody drop their pants so the crooks could get away. Large holes in the backside of my shorts in such a circumstance might send the wrong message and give people erroneous ideas so those get canned once I can get a finger through back there. For some reason those little holes in the back get caught on doorknobs real easy and become big holes fast. Don't get any ideas, it's just a coincidence of nature and building codes that make my rear end and doors knobs meet on the same level.

Naturally attrition takes it's toll so every year my undie drawer get's more roomy and the lower numbers in there means that the survivors get used that much more often and wear out a little bit quicker. Like an old bull elephant on his last tooth, salute old friend, it's your time.

Finally last year I broke down and bought a 4 pack. They are 100% cotton and comfortable and I still have 3 of them left in the pack. I figure I can ration those out til spring, then I guess I'll have to invest in another 4 pack.

Life can be hell sometimes, especially on sailors, bull elephants and underpants.

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