There's a saying which goes something along the lines that if we keep doing things the same way and keep getting the same unsatisfactory results then it's time to do things differently.
My husband gave me a book of Zen stories some time ago and the wisdom in them would make excellent blog comments.
For example, instead of getting angry and putting your view across knowing the writer will never agree as long as they have a hole in their arse, it might be more satisfactory to say ...
"You are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I add anything unless you first empty your cup?"
This is paraphrased from a story called 'A Cup of Tea' where the Master fills his guest's cup to the brim then keeps pouring until they tell him "It is overfull. No more will go in!".
We are all like tea cups full to the brim with ideas, observations and opinions learned through personal experience or others, making us fonts of endless knowledge, but is it enough? There's a certain amount of comfort and security gained from having one view, but surely it would be foolish to think we have all the answers.
If we make room in our cups for more and stay open to the ideas of others, although we might never agree we will at least take with us a different perspective that could be useful in the future.
I write this as I struggle to come to terms with the fact my instincts have not always served me as well as I'd hoped and there are people here and some who have left who now have an opinion of me I have found impossible to alter.
My lesson has been to accept people will always make up their own minds no matter how hard I try to convince them I am who I am and would never lie to them or knowingly do anything to hurt anyone. We will always hurt people if they choose to be hurt, we will always be labelled as untrustworthy if they choose not to trust us and there's not a damn thing we can do about that.
Who am I to think everyone will like me because I'm open, honest and try my best to be understanding and supportive? There are many much worthier than I who have been shunned or persecuted for no other reason than people chose not to trust them ... Jesus Christ and Ghandi spring immediately to mind. I wouldn't dream of even coming close to putting myself in the same category as them, so it stands to reason I will be misunderstood and disliked throughout my journey.
Another lesson is accepting those 'friends' who have fallen by the wayside have served their purpose along the way, as I have them ... our time has come to an end no matter how painful that ending might have been. I feel the loss for a while, wonder where I went wrong and speculate over how we came to such a misunderstanding after so long feeling in total agreement. There's a period of mourning but life goes on.
Sometimes the ending carries more important lessons than the ones we thought their friendship contained.
In short, friendships come and go ... some last forever and even now some might feel they will last forever and it will be just as painful as before when they don't, but what we learn on line through everyone we encounter are views and experiences which may not appear to have any bearing on our lives right now but might one day prove invaluable.
I no longer analyse those I don't immediately agree with, I don't avoid them like the plague, I read when the fancy takes me and allow their words to wash over me knowing I will take from it what I need right now and my subconscience will keep the rest for when it's needed.
Despite what some say, everyone here is a person in their own right whatever part of themselves they care to display at any one time. Some are open and some prefer to stay behind humour, religion, politics, fiction or otherwise. What we read and write here is never the sum total of who we really are, it's just a small facet. People no more know me from my honesty than through other's apparent humour, malice or provocation.
It's all about how we choose to express ourselves. Think carefully before you get drawn into something which will only serve to drain you ... unless conflict is what you come here for then why bother to leave a comment when you know exactly what's going to happen if you do?
Empty the cup a little so there's always room for more!
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