I have a friend whose both parents immigrated from Cambodia. She's a gorgeous girl, if not too thin for my taste. Her eyes are beautiful brown, and oval shaped. She has long, straight black hair and tan skin.
I asked her recently if she is bothered by the men (and I know there are many) that want to be with her only because she is Asian, and they have expectations of what it means to be an Asian girl. Her answer?
"Yes. It bothers me a lot. I'm not your f***ing fetish toy to play around with. I'm a person with feelings, opinions, thoughts, quirks, and everything else that comes with being a human being. Just because I have Asian eyes and black hair doesn't mean I was built to serve you or anything else you might think about me. They seriously need to get over it."
I loved her answer. It really made me think about the people who go about "fetishizing" other people besides Asian women, and it made me reflect on my own life. How many men have wanted to be with me because of the size of my booty? How many wanted to be with me when I was large because they assumed that I was cuddly, warm, motherly, and assumed I wouldn't cheat on them? What did my size have to do with my inner qualities, anyway?
Maybe you see yourself in some of these. You might be a "person fetishist" if you engage in the following thought patterns:
- I only want to be with Asian women because they're thinner, more beautiful, more docile, better mothers, and have tighter vaginas
- I only want to be with big women because they are warm, loving, make better mothers, and they will never cheat on me.
- I only want to be with thin or athletic bodied women/men because they care more about their bodies and they are more active
- I only want to be with brunettes because they're smarter
- I only want to be with redheads because they're fiery and more exciting
- I only want to be with blonds because they're more fun and they're sexier
- I only want to be with black women because they're more exotic and have better bodies
- I only want to be with black men because they have bigger penises
- I only want to be with Italian/French men because they are more romantic and better lovers
- I only want to be with Hispanic men because they are sexier, more romantic, and more family-oriented
- I only want to be with tall men because they are more protective
- I only want to be with Southerners because they're more loving and friendly
I could go on, because there are so many more. There's nothing wrong with preferring a height, a skin color, a hair color or body type, but to assign them characteristics is wrong. I've met some fat, obnoxious Asian chicks....some nasty, cold and mean big girls who cheated on their boyfriends, some thin people who ate like pigs, some dumb ass brunettes, some very calm redheads, some very boring and unsexy blonds, some black women with awful bodies, some French/Italian men who were downright perverted and weird, a Hispanic man who abused the f*** out of me, some tall wimps, and some Southerners who were the most immature and mean people I've ever met.
The point of this is that it's stupid to openly CHASE one group of people because you have preconceived notions about them. Do you ever wonder how they'd feel if they found out that you became interested in them because of your silly person fetish, not because of who they really are?
If I knew that Marko wanted me for the sole reason of the size of my butt, I would be an unhappy woman. It's as simple as that.
Once again, there's nothing wrong with having a preference, but that's why it's a preference. Honestly...my preference is tall men. Not because they're "protective", but I just like to look at them. Also, Marko has nipple piercings. That's not something that I like. I'm still very attracted to him. I think that he is the most beautiful man that I have ever laid eyes on. It doesn't matter if some of the things about him don't fit my preference. A preference is a "preference" because if you meet someone that doesn't exactly fit that, and you are still attracted....you should still date them.
I dunno how some people function, sometimes.....
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read more blogs!
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gunn12fan
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Oct 15 @ 7:35PM
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You would be surprised of what people do..
With me all I want outa life is to be happy have my bills paid..and maybe have a chance to find someone to be happy with..
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ragtopcookie
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Oct 15 @ 7:36PM
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I think with experience......you develop perferiences.....fetish is a strong word.....to me...a fetish is something you cant get just anywhere.....or have to pay for it to be done.....bordering on the sick......maybe that why i dont use that word to explain what i want...or am looking for.....when it comes to guys......everybody wants something diffrent in a woman.....sure...you have youre standards......great looking....nice body.....big breasts......and so on......but with experience......you look for abit more.....what comes down to me.....is somebody you can talk to.....without any worry about getting them upset.....she only has to be great looking in my eyes.......and she excepts me for me......and her for her.....and maybe....low...to no temper.....ive been damned with a fantasy woman of red hair.....and all that goes with it....watch the movie......The quiet man......with john wayne and mareen ohaira.......when he asks about her to the local matchmaker....he tells him.....and that hair is no lie.......cookie
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Fender
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Oct 15 @ 9:18PM
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Well....Some men before have just wanted me because of my long red hair...Not a lie...I've been in clubs with girlfriends, turned around and men were smelling my hair...Then they started talking about how gorgeous and red it was, how they loved it long and the curls and blah blah...Needless to say...It creeped me out!
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Wing_Zero_75
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Oct 15 @ 9:38PM
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My fetish is for crazy women. Kind of helps to be insane to put up with me and understand what I am talking about most of the time. 
I will say, I do find asian women to be more attractive, but thats only because of their history, and no, not the geisha thing either. More of a richness of culture. Though I doubt I would ever go for one only because my humor relies on dual meanings and spliting hairs on words. Sarcasm is my specialty. Im not saying that they wouldnt understand, its just that things get lost in translation.
Just my thoughts, good blog as always. 
Larry
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Blaiserboy
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Oct 15 @ 9:45PM
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Some excellent thoughts in your post. We have to be aware of what we are saying to each other, innocently or not. Our 'dumb' words can be very harmful.
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sweetxy
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Oct 15 @ 10:51PM
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Kudo
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kjac
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Oct 16 @ 12:13AM
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I'm attracted to imaginary friends and disney characters, because they're more cheerful and outgoing.
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tentfire
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Oct 16 @ 1:57AM
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Very well said!!!
As I have been back in the dating world for awhile now, I have been taken aback at how many people (male and female) have set very strict physical preferences in what they are looking for in a person, yet never say a word about what personality traits and compatible likes they find attractive. One person even said he/she would find the "package", then mold the personality to fit! 
Kudos!
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Always_Striving
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Oct 16 @ 5:10AM
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The point of this is that it's stupid to openly CHASE one group of people because you have preconceived notions about them.
preconceived notions?
Not all cultures operate like the one's in the United States.
Some men, for example, may be sick and tired of the types of women they have encountered or formed relatioships with in the past.
These men desire a change for the better so they seek non-stereo-typical American cultured women.
It's their personal choice. You can't force feed them into preferring American cultured women over those from cultures with different views.
If those guys aren't finding what they desire here then they are going to start looking elsewhere.
This is coined as: The pursuit of happiness (it's constitutionally guaranteed).
One again.... trying to force a man's acceptance of limited options within our his cultural boundaries would be like jailing his free choice and his pursuit of happiness.
Just something to think about 
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Always_Striving
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Oct 16 @ 5:13AM
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Mod where's the blog editor for typos? 
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sweetxy
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Oct 16 @ 9:31AM
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To me I think some of them just have passion for the difference
Some asian ladies love blue eyes too, 
I don't believe if many american men can handle long term relationship with women that they go for just becos of fitishing , if there's nothing in common , only shallow passion won't save the relationship, those guys gonna waste their time
Most asian might look sweet deliecate ,naive , don't look very independent like american women but inside so many are stubborn( to men just becos of the way their parents brought them up in their cuture and also their belief) ,high expectation( I mean decent enough) strong will, not many white guys would realize about this,not easy! unless they find the desperated one
I admire you how you bring this point here, good write always 
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edthepoet
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Oct 16 @ 10:42AM
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Your very naive to think people don't view or put people in different categories,it's human nature.
Now, just because a person think or places people in categories doesn't mean they won't date people from all sorts of categories and have a great relationship.
Look, on here, we have woman who put themselves into one dimensional category when they say they are lesbians or bi-sexual.
The straight people on here don't write they are straight.
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