Ever Decreasing Circles posted 10/17/2009 2:34:24 PM | 13 kudos what's this?     report abuse tagged: choos

misschoos

I’ve been very sick the past five to six weeks or more and it’s just about coming to a head I reckon. I was so bad for a couple of weeks that I was unable to hold a decent two way conversation. It was difficult for me to breathe. My friend from MD called, I said very little, coughed lots and lost my breath a few times. It was pretty scary and every time I laughed it got worse. He wasn’t sympathetic at all but I didn’t mind; neither am I. I can’t deal with all that drama and woe is me stuff. The fact that he didn’t care about me being half dead on the other end of the telephone didn’t matter one bit.

Men are like that, but when the boot’s on the other foot they expect things to be different. They appear to revel in periods of ill health, lapping up every tiny scrap of attention they can possibly attract.

I admire both those qualities in a man, men are made that way and it’s part of what makes us different.

I knew a fat ba$tard once, who to my horror, defied my way of thinking. Amongst other things, he kept asking me if I was alright and I hated it; it was repetitive, an unnecessary fuss. I am a very calm and extremely patient person, but his ‘unnatural’ behaviour towards me, easily made me lose my rag. I think it was all part of his kit, his false front in trying to be the person he thought I might respect.

My opinion of him quickly diminished, as he changed his masks more often than I changed my knickers. I began to see through the deceit to the ugliness that lay beneath. He wasn’t my friend, and had he been up front from the start, I wouldn’t have given him a second look. He so obviously had to change himself to try to be the person he wished I might admire. The imminent result; two miserable people in a false and unhealthy friendship. Desperation is the only explanation that comes to mind.

I need to know people who don’t flinch if I’m going to be half dead at any moment. Let’s face it, there are only ever two outcomes and there’s nothing anyone can do about them, apart from wanting to strangle me, which is quite often the case. People who understand me when I don’t even understand myself. Friends who don’t always understand me, but don’t get het up over it either. Ones who don’t care too much, but care just enough when it’s important. Those Real McCoys, the ones that do exactly what it says on the tin and stick like duct tape.

I am black and white and I need friends who will take the time to make sure I understand, before I get left behind, in a state of confusion, usually utter disbelief…and like the Oozlem Bird in ever decreasing circles, I eventually disappear up my own arse.


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Blogs by misschoos: Random Pearls 2 The Rebirth of Renaissance in the C21st Damaged Goods You Would Be Proud. Sleight of Hand Only I Was A Girl Autumn Haiku The She Devil Left Standing On A Bridge Random Pearls Fairy Dust November Itinerary Ever Decreasing Circles Dirty Filthy Love How Far Down The Rabbit Hole? A Special Friend Dear Blog He The Epitome Of Ignorance The Taker His Side Of The Story Her Side Of The Story The Girl With No Chick In Her Name Suicide Is Painless $hitty Days