Hypothetically speaking. If I came here only looking to date and allowed women to see the other women I was "mixing it up with" I'd spend more time doing damage control over unnecessary jealousy than I would blogging and reading the forums.
In the beginning, I made a decision not to approve any friend requests. I observed it from another website where too many petty arguments took place over "your friends versus my friends" and I don't want to put myself in that arena. To date I have maintained that stance regardless of the comments of "why haven't you approved my friend request"
For me... it's the right thing to do.
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read more blogs!
Blogs by chatillion:
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| Accepting friend requests... |
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Blaiserboy
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Oct 19 @ 11:10PM
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Good thinkin.!!
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SATAN_666
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Oct 19 @ 11:11PM
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Do you want to be a friend of the Devil?
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Strata2007
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Oct 19 @ 11:24PM
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Does it really matter? 
Some are just wallpapers and if a person was to be "upset" over pics that belong to strangers what does it really say about the person? 
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chatillion
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Oct 19 @ 11:42PM
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Strata2007 said:
Does it really matter?
You tell me...
Let's say, I met 2 really nice women online here and BOTH had nice personalities. But, I didn't know either well enough to actually "make a try" for either one. It's human nature to want to know where you stand with a relationship... especially long distance relationships (which internet is mostly setup for)
A few weeks ago, I casually mentioned to a lady friend I would consider visiting her city if I were to take a vacation. Her comment to me was... If you're planning to see other women while on vacation, you can forget about me. She was angry and honestly blunt. However, I've made no commitment to her and I feel she didn't have the right to force me to ignore the possibly of visiting other friends. Friends at any level.
Maybe they are strangers/wallpapers to you...
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1frantastic
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Oct 20 @ 12:49AM
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My "friend" would NOT let me be a friend on his list...He had me blocked...this was so I could NOT write to those other women and let them know what a dip-chit he was...which I didn't realize at the time...but when he told me of how a woman had done that to him, and then he wouldn't let me see his "friends" I knew he was "more than a friend" and was afraid of what I would do if he "wronged" me...which he did...to the tune of $1500 and so....either you let others see your choice of "friends" or you hide them (or don't allow them) to prevent any future problems...which if you did not expect future problems...there would be no need to hide them...
just saying...from experience... 
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tentfire
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Oct 20 @ 2:30AM
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Makes sense. 
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southernlass
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Oct 20 @ 2:51AM
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You tell me...
Umm, okay, I'll tell you, but I'm not sure you're going to like it.
Let's say, I met 2 really nice women online here and BOTH had nice personalities. But, I didn't know either well enough to actually "make a try" for either one. It's human nature to want to know where you stand with a relationship... especially long distance relationships (which internet is mostly setup for)
"Dating" offers the opportunity to spend time with a variety of the opposite sex and no one's under obligation or commitment. Many or most women consider that when they become sexually and emotionally intimate with someone they are seeing, that this is essentially the end of the man they just slept with "dating."
A few weeks ago, I casually mentioned to a lady friend I would consider visiting her city if I were to take a vacation. Her comment to me was... If you're planning to see other women while on vacation, you can forget about me. She was angry and honestly blunt. However, I've made no commitment to her and I feel she didn't have the right to force me to ignore the possibly of visiting other friends. Friends at any level.
If it were me and you were just coming into town to spend some time seeing the sites and very casually getting to know one another, I certainly couldn't consider that to be anything more than a first time meeting based upon checking one another out. No, there's no commitment. Were you to go to this lady's home and do alot more than just take her out though, or were she to be under the impression that more of a sexual and emotional nature may occur, I could see how she would be offended if you also dated others; she was trying to pin you down.
Despite there being some women who are into fwb's relationships, most women still want one man all to themselves in a committed scenario, and I don't blame them in the least. If a man looks as if he has lots of female friends and that's all they are, who cares initially? If he is actually "dating" those female friends and me? This would prohibit our developing anything much beyond platonic friendship and casually getting to know one another. Hiding your dating others through not putting these women on your profile as "friends" is scheming. It's the INTENT and the intent is to deceive to a degree. I much more respect the man who is completely upfront about his intentions, what he's up to, and what's he's honestly feeling.
Honesty is still the best policy, imo.
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Hooks
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Oct 20 @ 3:41AM
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I agree with you Chatillion, it usually is more of headache than it is worth. First off we are here on the internet with a lot of scammers, players etc, So a woman takes a look at your profile, and sees your friends. Most of, or all of them, are women, so they are thinking you are a player, and they move on. There may be one that sees that, and thinks this guy must be a great guy if all these women are his friends, but I have yet to meet one like that. There is nothing wrong with those people that move on, it is just that they are trying to play it smart. So, it is not dishonest, nor deceptive to not add friends, just trying to make yourself appear available, and desirable. People that have been burned online will scrutinize everything on your profile, sad but true. I get asked a lot about the fact that my age range for what I am seeking starts with 18. Since they made me a target, I have made things look very appealing to scammers. It has worked really well, I lost count a few years ago at around 160 that I have reported and had removed from here. But I digress! 
This is primarily a dating site, not like Face Book, or Myspace where you add friends in order to communicate with them! To each their own, but on a dating site I think adding friends is not a good thing if you are actually looking for someone to date, or become involved with. 
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chatillion
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Oct 20 @ 6:31AM
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southernlass said:
Honesty is still the best policy, imo.
Right... I've done nothing dishonest. I consider it private information and not up for 'open discussion' amongst women I date.
This is a dating site, but I shouldn't have to disclose all whom I flirt with.
A few years ago, I had a live-in girlfriend who started to become overly jealous of my every movement. She wanted to know everything that went on in my day. I truthfully told her what went on... I had nothing to hide, no reason to deceive.
I was ONLY dating her but she became jealous of who I saw and talked to. Friends, business associates, daughter and ex-wife. The relationship took a down-turn and I asked her to leave (go back to her townhouse she maintained during our relationship) when I denied her visitation 'after it was over' she decided to phone a few people from my phone list only to stir up trouble.
How would you like to get a phone call from a business contact asking "Who's that woman who claims to be your fiance and why is she calling me?"
Women are funny creatures... they can sense danger even when there's no danger. Suspicion and jealousy can be evil monsters sometimes.
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edthepoet
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Oct 20 @ 6:39AM
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First of all, you can't be wrong, it's your right to do what you want.
Now, for me, I don't give a crap either way.
Your right on how people react to things, I had women say how come I am not the first pic on your friends list,lol
I just add people as the come, i don't give a hoot about the order.
I also don't care if women talk to each other about me, I treat women like gold, so what are they going to say about me. And, if they choose to bad mouth me, I am not worried about that either, I know who and what I am about.
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minky
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Oct 20 @ 6:56AM
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I think a good guy doesn't have to deal with much "bad mouthing" from women.
Your actions say much more than a friends list.
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chatillion
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Oct 20 @ 7:31AM
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Your actions say much more than a friends list.
Ah... there's that suspicion monster. Did you meet a bad guy in your past? Maybe your guard it up. So is mine. I reserve the right of privacy to whom I fancy here.
I was just replying to an e-mail from a woman who agreed with me. I guess she agrees with my right to privacy too. It seems good guys also get talked about! Good or bad, gossip is still gossip.
If I sent you a dozen red roses and the next woman new this... what would she think if I 'only' sent her a dozen red roses too? Must I send her 2 dozen to show she's special?
Just like Ed says... some women get annoyed if another woman has a higher standing on the friends list. It looks like there's no winners when that happens. Maybe it's just a reflection (of what's to come) from the woman complaining?
I don't recall many women who admit they were the one to break up a marriage... typically they say it's the man's fault. Minky, your actions say much more...
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edthepoet
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Oct 20 @ 7:48AM
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Some time we forget this is a dating site, not an instant marriage site.
Of course people have a right to date different people without question, now when a person starts using the love word, that's a whole other game.
Even if you have sex with a person, that doesn't mean that person own you and you have to marry them.
Remember, the sex was a mutual decision by two adults.
Everyone deserve a level of privacy.
No one here has the right to tell another what that level is either, yes, they are entitled to have their opinion and live they way they want, but, to say Chat is wrong in how he handle things is going to far.
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southernlass
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Oct 20 @ 8:34AM
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A few years ago, I had a live-in girlfriend who started to become overly jealous of my every movement. She wanted to know everything that went on in my day. I truthfully told her what went on... I had nothing to hide, no reason to deceive.
I was ONLY dating her but she became jealous of who I saw and talked to.
How can you be only dating her when you were living with her?
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dizzydoll
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Oct 20 @ 8:41AM
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Some time we forget this is a dating site, not an instant marriage site.
Thank God for that, so i can be friends with the whole world and he can be friends with the whole world.
But then i am very selective with my sexual favors and if it does come to that, it must be monogamous.
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dizzydoll
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Oct 20 @ 8:43AM
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How can you be only dating her when you were living with her?
i agree
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oct_cat
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Oct 20 @ 9:30AM
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I have maintained that stance regardless of the comments of "why haven't you approved my friend request" I agree, that's why tho I may email certain people on this site, I don't do friend requests either. I've already experienced that "damage control", 'if you're with her I'm not your friend' thing with an ex. So petty. Some people have a revolving door of friends.
I prefer to keep it simple. 
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dizzydoll
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Oct 20 @ 9:42AM
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revolving door of friends
 im guilty of that. i havent grown up either 
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jowi369
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Oct 20 @ 10:07AM
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scores for your looking you are smart 
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sweetxy
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Oct 20 @ 10:25AM
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I think I understand your point since I first saw you here blogging alot of stuff .
To me friendlist has nothing to do with dating, but I do like to show something nice in return to some of my friends  who care about me in some concerns , and get in touch with me and sharing messages with me ,some often soem once in awhile,and these friends to me they are both female and male.
I honor a man who acts like a real man,not changing the list easily.
Good blog Chat  ,thank you
and I like this comment alot from Edthepoet .Some people they are really too much, some of them claim to be in relationship but OF SEx! only , they can't posses someone no matter which way without Deep love without taking any responsibility or commitment , to that person and the erotic part was not supposed to say to publicly through the net ,it's no privacy and no respect to the woman they are into.
Some time we forget this is a dating site, not an instant marriage site.
Of course people have a right to date different people without question, now when a person starts using the love word, that's a whole other game.
Even if you have sex with a person, that doesn't mean that person own you and you have to marry them.
Remember, the sex was a mutual decision by two adults.
Everyone deserve a level of privacy.
.
I wish I'd never had a date with a flirty guy who has alot of women in the list again ,,,this kind of guys seem to get horny easily with most pretty women I guess , not a type of man that I'd desire for to get serious with .
Every action of people really shows something to me .we just have to make more sense in some cases, I should have not tried to be too postitive especially to guys intimacy on internet .Sometimes the good women don;'t deserve the best they should, a lot of friends .. opposit sex in friendlist or no list can be something or nothing at all  .
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sweetxy
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Oct 20 @ 10:58AM
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 chat May I ask you something,, i'll wait for your answer till you get online.
,what this message below says to me beside not allow me to comment on the blog..when I 'm going to post the blog i always change my comment setting to allow people to comment.
I wanted to comment on this blog but I don't understand why it says like that ,is it mean I'm in his blocklist  ,can't find the reason why.
This user does not allow comments from your demographic
You are not authorized to post a comment!
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cherishlife7898
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Oct 20 @ 11:28AM
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Interesting , well I think it doesn't matter at all for all the singles .But once you're in love it does somehow .No matter how many friends we have , we'll leave the special room for the special one in heart called responsibility and happiness.
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sybnann
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Oct 20 @ 1:13PM
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I am of the opinion that when it comes to my "friends list" anywhere, even in my mind, if I feel myself getting closer to one and they decide to still see others, THEY were just not the right one for ME!!!
What ever happened to that kind of thinking and weeding out people!
I don't normally think any less of them unless I was a victim of lies or deception or abuse.
We are singe, free, people, and if someone does not do for us what we are looking for or desire, it's normally quite simple to just move on!
I too feel that if I chose a man and he choses me for more that just friends, we should keep it just that way.
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Fender
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Oct 20 @ 6:28PM
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Well..I don't care what your true feelings are and how other's mae percieve me being on your friends list...
Add me so I can be your only friend...Please!!!!!!!!!!!
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