"I told you so!" posted 10/20/2009 1:43:08 PM | 5 kudos what's this?     report abuse tagged: advice, i, told, so

CHARLIgurl1

Advice to me, should be an opinion, or suggestion, and with it a form of support when anyone decides to take up such advice.

But Advice is often given wrongly, often like a dictation, “This is what you SHOULD do.”

My mother is guilty of the latter. She gives her advice with a certain tone that suggests that if you do not take up said advice, you’re stupid.
And whilst I know that she means well, it doesn’t leave the listener with any options.
She also says “I told you so”, when things go wrong, a very irritating statement.

Then there’s my daughter, she asks my advice, listens then goes and does the complete opposite!
Then comes back moaning that it all fell through.
I have been tempted many times with the “I told you so”, but have managed to restrain myself as I know from experience how very annoying that is to hear.

By not saying “I told you so,” She herself has admitted that she wished she’d listened.

But advice even when asked for isn’t always what people want to hear, almost as though they know you’re right, and just wanted it confirmed, but already have it in their minds what they plan to do anyway.

I often give my advice with.. “Well, if it was me in your shoes…”
It lets the listener become detached, allowing them to listen to your own thoughts of what you’d do, and not as a direct instruction, so if they decide to ignore what you’ve said, they don’t feel guilty about not listening, because your thoughts were not actually directed at them.

Advice can too often be like an instruction, an order, or a task that they expect you to follow through, I for one often feel irritated by such advice, thinking I only really wanted your opinion, not a well laid out plan of what I SHOULD do.

Often too, people can give advice, and even though in good meaning, they themselves have not exactly followed their own advice in their lives, making them look hypocritical.

The fact is, us as humans don’t like being told what to do, (unless in the forces of course), The majority of us have strong wills and some even stubborn to the core.

We cant force anyone to do anything, and it can be especially painful when it’s loved ones like our grown children, who we can see going in a head on collision.

We cannot make anyone live the lives we want them to, nor can we dictate or instruct…

For everyone in this world have their own paths… their own destinies, families and friends, online and real…


And all we can do is be there when it all goes wrong, to share in their pain and help pick up the pieces, and as tempting as it is…




….............................................................do so without the “I told you so.”

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