Dear Mark,
We both know why we didn’t cross that very fine line and I am glad we never did. It wouldn’t have been right, we knew it and besides we had too much to lose for no gain. As it is now, we still have each other and always will, anything else would have been wrong.
What happens though Mark, when we do cross that line, when there is no other way and everything seems so right, but it all goes unexpectedly pear shaped?
I suppose I could blame my decision, but there was no choice, and I didn’t just go with my heart, I went with my head as well. I trusted him Mark, without a doubt, like no other, and you know me, it’s not something I give easily. You do know, you tried hard enough.
I am not sure what confuses me most; the situation or my lack of judgement. If it’s my judgement that’s in question, I am in big trouble; it tells me that I can no longer trust my own self. That scares the hell out of me.
I keep throwing the faults back to me, time and time again. It’s as if I need a good shake, to be told and reassured that I do have all the answers before me and I have to accept them for what they are. I can’t see though Mark and like a jigsaw with all the wrong pieces; nothing fits.
Then maybe I don’t want to see, because what’s there is repulsive, dirty, filthy, and it’s ugly? That kind face, the one that ‘didn‘t mean to cause me any hurt or harm,’ yet he dealt the hand from a fixed deck and he knew all the cards.
Thank you for reading my blog.
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read more blogs!
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funisnumber1
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Oct 26 @ 10:03AM
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 Perhaps there is no escaping some lessons meant to be learned. Can Cruel Teachers still be called good teachers if the lesson meant to be learned is to further close the box? 
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Blaiserboy
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Oct 26 @ 11:33AM
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Best to not doubt your judgment.........
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BionicCouple
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Oct 26 @ 12:51PM
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It usually takes time for the pieces of the jigsaw to fit. Don't be hard on yourself ... it's important to take some responsibility but you're not responsible for everything that happens to you, there are usually two or more people in every scenario. You must continue to trust your judgement, it's the only judgement you have ... and you know what? ... sometimes situations change through no fault of our own, the agenda is wiped clean and replaced and suddenly we're not as enlightened as we thought. Unforutnately we can't control the actions of others.
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leprichaun_magic
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Oct 26 @ 12:51PM
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..interesting blog...food for thought.:)
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beckyiv42000
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Oct 26 @ 1:36PM
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When a mistake is made and its from you following your heart I can see no blame only a lesson learned..huggs Choosey.. doing something from the heart to me is never wrong
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1frantastic
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Oct 26 @ 10:29PM
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You can't be "enlightened" if you stay in the dark.....
sometimes the bulb doesn't burn as bright as we wish and sometimes you turn the light off before the bulb burns out.....
....but you control the switch......
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