I live in a country that worships female youth and where single women over 30 are viewed with suspicion by the men here. My girlfriends and I are now in our late thirties and early forties and it seems as long as we continue living in Singapore we are doomed to be shoved aside for younger women by local eligible men.
Since I don't have a strong maternal instinct and my fulfillment in life comes from using my brain at work, or learning be it gaining new IT skills or gardening, making more money, enjoying good books, watching art house films and losing myself in a classical concert it does not depress me much that I don't have a partner although at times I wish I have a man around the house to change the lightbulbs and figure what where the circuit breaker in the apartment is.
Without sounding like a narcissist we are attractive, educated women and are clueless why we are still single. During my time, when we graduated from university we were told the world was our oyster and we could afford to wait to find the right men, marry and have our own families.
I feel my friends and I are victims of social conditioning and political brainwashing during our time in the 80s and while society applauded us at the time for our material achievements they forgot to educate the men to appreciate women like my friends - feminine but with full possesion of our own opinions.
We are examining our options, especially girlfriends who want children but do not have partners.
Do we have our eggs frozen now and hope to meet the right men one day here or leave the country and take our chances in other parts of the world who appreciate women like us? I should also explain that single parenthood is not an option as we are still traditional at heart and believe in nuclear families.
We all come from good families in the sense that our parents believe marriage is for life and are still together, through thick and thin as commitment is supposed to be.
As for me, there is not enough of a push factor for me to just up and leave for a man because I am relatively comfortable and frankly too afraid to uproot myself and explore a new life although North America, especially Seattle and Victoria Island in British Columbia makes my hair stand on end in a good way. I lived in Vancouver for a while, love my friends who live there but do not appreciate the wealthy immigrants from Hong Kong who insist on mowing me down in their Mercedes Benzes.
Thank you for reading.
SingaporeGal
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Fayvorite
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Nov 3 @ 10:29AM
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On the bright side if you didn't have the values you have, you might have picked the wrong man and would be in a much worse situation.
I can't imagine that the American culture is like you describe there but you could have wolves chasing you for the wrong reasons too.
I suspect when you find the right man, it will be everlasting and worth it.
At my age I'm thankful I have fond memories of marriage but worried about there not being anyone in my future bescause of age.
Good luck to you
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TripOnLove
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Nov 3 @ 11:13AM
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It's sad but true that in your part of the world and really in all of Asia a woman over 30 or so and NOT married probably will be single for the rest of her life.
There just are too many women in the population for the Asian male to choose from and given a choice they will and do choose younger each and everytime.
On a brighter note Seattle and Victoria Island,BC( both great places ) have a substantial Asian population where I am sure that a woman with your skills and ideals would flourish and also would certainly be in demand to a great many more potential male suitors then what is available to you in Singapore now !
Good Luck !
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oct_cat
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Nov 3 @ 11:54AM
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I am glad I live in a country where aging doesn't "expire" a person. Having been almost 46 when I met a man I am truly compatible with & enjoy being with probably would have put me on the "soured milk" shelf in Asian countries. 
If you're comfortable with your life, job, etc then relish it. Unfortunately having a man/mate around is not a part-time option for most people.
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chubs
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Nov 3 @ 11:58AM
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its real nice to get a perspective of a woman from another country on here. over here in America the wimmenz are more evolved than to be satisfied just to strive for traditional and keeping the family whole, and they've come to realize they are more than a missing piece of meat for the menz to seek succor from, and with!
in America, the wimmenz are not only willing to prove they are more, and are not here just for their menz and chillens convience in the traditional way, but they are also more than willing to show us they can indeed bring home the bacon, but unfortuntely, they don't necessarily always want to fry it up in a pan!
oh no, no, no...we menz over here are poorly adivised to take a wimmenz for granted in a traditional way, for they will burn their bra's! the best part about it all is that they started calling it "feminism" a few decades back, and along with being able to give it a title, they turned it into a nationwide movement! perhaps with your menz not being taught to appreciate the wimmenz, you can begin to bring feminism to your country, and get the considerations you so richly deserve, and it can go world-wide to Asia!
I, for one, am glad you described part of Sinagore's problem with their attitude towards you wimmnez as being uneducated menz, brainwashed, even! for as surely you shall find out if you read some of the wimmenz who blog here at MD, on and on and on and on about "feminism", you will discover that it is usually the fault of menz our relationships don't ever work, and we deserved the disdainful and comtemptous attitude wimmenz over here regard us with today!
Soooo, go, sista', go! and I take this opportunity to call on all my MD-sista'-girls who are died-in-their-woolite-washed-bra feminist's to chime in with yer hard won wisdom and experience's! and plz, take the time to respond to this blog, and for Lord's-sake, help me to encourage the lass, hey!
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MahonMacRi
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Nov 3 @ 1:41PM
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I should also explain that single parenthood is not an option as we are still traditional at heart and believe in nuclear families. I hate to break it to you, but nuclear families aren't "traditional" at all; until very recently, extended families were the norm. The "nuclear family" only evolved in the early- to mid- 20th Century, as more people moved into cities in response to the rapid industrial growth at that time. As family units go, the nuclear family fails to provide the necessary support structure to raise healthy, well-rounded, socially-responsible adults.
For 99% of our history, we lived in large extended families with several generations under one roof, or clustered together in closely-connected dwellings as you'll still find in many villages and small towns around the world. Most people of my generation ("Baby Boomers") can probably recall hearing their grandparents talk about how different things were when they were young, and how whole multi-generational extended families lived together back then.
Remember, this was how all human beings lived for 100,000 years or more.
"Extended families" have always worked quite well; one of the main reasons for this is because there are multiple layers of support, encouragement, education, entertainment and nurturing for children from many adults of all ages, while no one adult (or one pair of adults, for that matter) is solely responsible for providing all of a child's physical, emotional and social needs. If an adult is angry or upset with a child, that child can still get love, understanding and support from multiple grandparents, aunts, uncles, older siblings and cousins; meanwhile, the angry adult can take a little time to deal with their anger, and the situation is resolved in a much more positive manner.
This is precisely what people mean when they say; "It takes a village to raise a child." I'm always somewhat amused when I hear the usual "kneejerk" reaction, "No, it takes a parent who's willing to put their foot down and say 'no' to a child," since people who respond that way were probably raised in "nuclear families" too, and thus are as dysfunctional as the flawed system they so wholeheartedly espouse.
Here's another reason why the extended family is better; unlike our "disposable society," where we lock up our parents or grandparents the minute they become an inconvenience (thus teaching our children to do the same with us when we get old!), the elderly or infirm can still play valuable roles in the extended family. They can still contribute in many ways, such as care-giving, teaching and sharing their knowledge, skills and wisdom with younger generations, or doing something as simple as scaring scavengers away from their crops, or watching the herds and warning against predators.
"Grandpa can't get around like he did before he had his stroke, but give him a chair in the cornfield and a piece of cloth to wave around, and he does a great job of keeping the crows away!"
Once again, this "extended family" was the human norm for at least 100,000 years, or longer. It worked well enough to allow us to reach the top of the food chain and eventually spread across the entire globe. Unfortunately, now that Humanity is leaving the country in ever greater numbers for "life in the big city," we've abandoned the very system which allowed us to get this far, in favour of a system which has proven entirely unworkable everywhere it's been tried.
And we wonder why younger generations are wild and undisciplined, and why they see people as "disposable?"
There were no mass school shootings back when the extended family was the norm, probably because the family served to channel violent impulses into more productive outlets.
"Jethro sure do seem to like his guns, don't he? What say we set him a'huntin', then we'll all have more meat to eat?" Or; "Jedediah sure do seem to like cuttin' things into itty bitty pieces, don't he? What say we put him in charge come slaughterin' time this Fall?" As usual, there will be those who argue that, "you can't turn back the clock," or, "you can't stand in the way of 'progress'," but it's a safe bet that anyone who thinks that way was also raised in a "nuclear family."
Many people ask, "What ever happened to family values?" The answer is very simple; family values disappeared when we abandoned the functional extended family in favour of the completely dysfunctional "nuclear family." (Interestingly enough, many of my cousins in Ireland grew up in large extended families, and are some of the happiest, healthiest, most well-adjusted people I know.)
As far as my "expiry date," I reckon it was about 50 years ago, give or take a bit!
Just my .02's worth, sincerely,  "Mac"
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