You can blame my fathers girlfriend for this one. I know I am going to piss people off with this one, I have my fingers crossed
Addiction is a term being thrown around quite a bit lately. Before I start in too much, I would like to say for the record that addiction is a choice. We choose whether or not we allow something to control us. I would also like to say that I have been in treatement for.....shit....over half my life for substance abuse, starting at the age of 15.
Addiction is another form of self entitlement. To explain, I will pose a question. Why do people use substances? For pleasure. A drink or 2 after work to relieve stress, a joint when you get up in the morning and maybe a couple pills to help you deal with your day. Maybe our lives suck to the point where a chemical makes it so we can comfortably deal with things. Shit, I used to shoot up rum before work so I would shake all morning. I used my left hand because the vein was easier to get there and I could wear a glove in case I missed the vein. You want to talk about pain...........It was bad enough pulling the needle out, let alone a bubble of alcohol under your skin. At that point in my life I was drinking a gallon of rum about every 3 to 4 days. I would buy a small bottle for injecting. This way I could work and no one would know I was drunk, it doesnt show up on your breath. After I had a severe nervous breakdown and ended up in the hospital, they found my stash. It was in a side compartment of a fanny pack. Dr. John M. asked me what it was about. The awkward thing is I work for him from time to time. Instead of trying to bullshit him and waste both our time, I told him all about it. He told me I could lose my hand if I kept doing that. That would mean reading would be harder and no video games.
Anyways, It was always a choice of will power versus my desire to feel better. If I didnt drink, the withdrawls would go on for what seemed like forever. I didnt want to feel icky and crappy. The problem was I felt so icky, I used another substance that made me feel worse. Stupid doesnt even begin to cover it.
After a few years of dancing to a weak will, I started to notice what I was doing. I was so disgusted with myself, words cannot even begin to describe what i felt towards myself. I was a slave by choice. I picked my master and let it consume me. Thats when I decided to stop. It was time to pick my ass out of the hole I had been in, violently shake myself back into absolute reality, and get the f*ck over myself. I can tell you my friends, I was more of an asshole than I am now, by at least 3 or 4 fold. My body was sealing with the physicl withdrawls from Hell. The only thing I didnt and havent given up yet is smoking. I do smoke pot, but at that time, everything was to go. No drinking, no pills, NOTHING. Just me and myself. Nothing like being in horrible company. The bottles became a metaphor for my life. After I drank them, they were empty, a reflection of myself. I had a friend stop by at the height of my drinking and they thought they walked into a recycling center. Yeah......
It is and will always be a choice. I made the choice to take the first drink and to continue to oblivion. Every morning when you get up and decide to light that cigarette, or have that drink, or pill, or line, or whatever your drug of choice is, you are allowing a weak will to dominate you. You could blame it on the substances, but your just making excuses. And the "oh, I need it" reason is full of shit. You need air, yep, water, uh huh, food, cant forget food. I think thats about all you NEED for survival. Mental requirements not included, as they are debateable in my eyes.
Addiction is NOT a f*cking disease. It is a choice of the weak will of mankind. The next time you see someone who is an "alcoholic', or "addict" dont pity them. Until they make up their mind to be strong, you will only weaken them. Maybe if someone didnt coddle me with it, I would have come to this conclusion years before I did.
Larry
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| Beyond Good and Evil 15: Addiction |
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oct_cat
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Nov 4 @ 8:29AM
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Before I start in too much, I would like to say for the record that addiction is a choice. We choose whether or not we allow something to control us.
Addiction is NOT a f*cking disease. It is a choice of the weak will of mankind It couldn't have been said better! Kudos! 
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1RockinDude
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Nov 4 @ 9:31AM
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Yes it is a choice. Very well said. I remember having to take a class when I was younger..A guy spoke about how drinking and drugs was a disease and to raise your hands if you thought that was true. I was the only one who did not think that..or admitted so.
You do not choose to get cancer..etc...Substances are a choice..each and every time. I remember pissing the guy off...saying so. Disease sounds like a excuse. Simple to the fact.
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bluewind37
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Nov 4 @ 9:59AM
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Addiction is NOT a f*cking disease. It is a choice of the weak will of mankind.
That says it all. 
I chose to pick up that first cigarette, and going on 5 years now, I also chose to give up that habit. Them first couple of weeks were hell. Cold turkey. Learned that I NEVER want to go through that again.
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CHARLIgurl1
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Nov 4 @ 12:20PM
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After a few years of dancing to a weak will, I started to notice what I was doing.
That in itself is something that many people take a long time to do because they live in complete denial.
Good blog Larry.
I always knew you were a strong person. 
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musicianfriend
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Nov 4 @ 12:27PM
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Good blog Larry..for sure..
by calling it a disease..then responsiblity for ones choices is negated....the addict is coddled...treated as a child...unable to take care of themselves..always full of excuses of one kind or another.
Ive known AA people before....they always had the excuse that they couldnt help it...I think they could....they just liked to drink...They drank cause it was Fri..they drank cause it was Sat..they drank because they were mad..they drank because...well..just because....It was their choice..
I agree with you.....call it what it is...it was a choice .....and it can also be a choice to undo the damage .....
So cool for you that you are strong and can see what you were doing to your life..your health...
High Five!
MF
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southernlass
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Nov 5 @ 12:25AM
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Well, Larry, after sitting through an entire Master's degree whereby I learned quite a bit about addiction and especially substance abuse addiction, graduate classes disagree with you.
We're also discussing porn addiction right now over in the religion forum but addiction is a complex matter that needs its own thread. There are a host of reasons for addiction, one of which is genetic. Research has found this to be the case.
Addictive personality disorder can be potentially inherited. I do not say this to absolve you of responsibility by any means; while you may not have had control over your propensity for addiction, you definitely have control over making a decision to get clean and truly SOBER. And you will do exactly that when you hurt enough and deal with enough bottoms that force that to come about.
I believe you are "self medicating" with the pot. There are a host of medications these days that could help that are legal. Anyway, for some reason, I think you already know what I'm writing. It's up to you to make the call to change things. Doing the same thing and expecting different results is well.. the definition of insanity.
It takes guts to live clean and sober but in my opinion, one really cannot do it without working a seriously good twelve step program that is honest, that holds you accountable, and for that you need a sober living, honest sponsor who also works a program.
Best of luck with this down the road so you can really get and stay sober.
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