So Lucky In Love! posted 11/5/2009 6:32:35 PM | 2 kudos what's this?     report abuse

BionicCouple

So all the time I'm feeling sorry for myself he's telling me how much he loves me and how much fun we're going to have.

I'm still feeling sorry for myself and him because we're not together and he's still showering me with love and affection across the miles.

I'm finding it hard to raise a smile because for some reason my positivity is running low after a year and a half of busting our arses to be together.

I tell him exactly how I'm feeling and he says he has my head on his shoulder and he's stroking my hair and how everything's going to be just fine.

Most of the time we laugh and joke and love and share each other's daily experiences but sometimes it's like we reach roadworks along the way, barriers to stop us from moving forward and it affects one of us more than the other.

I'm pretty sure he's had his moments but they don't stay with me as much as mine do. I wonder why the hell he puts up with me at times and, you know what? When I asked him that last night he said "honey, that's like asking me to put up with breathing". I guess some things in life are so natural they're meant to be.

I also wondered about our whole situation, what we've been through and if we're getting anywhere fast and he told me "I would marry you again a hundred times over, it was the proudest moment of my entire life". This coming from a man who never really intended to get married to anyone because it just didn't feel right.

I never thought getting married would make our lives easier, it just felt right and to know he feels the same and doesn't have one single regret means everything. I know we both hoped our being married might help our quest to be together but as time's gone by it seems it might not.

I don't care if it does or it doesn't. I wear this ring with pride and not a day goes by I don't touch it and kiss it and think of him. I like rings as jewelery but have always found them uncomfortable, even my first engagement and wedding rings, but this one feels like a part of me, like it's always been there.

Chris's ring has never quite fit properly, the jeweller promised to fit it to his ring size but never got around to it and he's holding onto it for dear life and has almost lost it before now. I suspect this is synonymous with the fact he is still in the process of moulding his life to fit the way he wants it to. I'm here waiting, everything's here waiting he just has to get here and take his rightful place.

There aren't words to describe how much I love that man. I may call myself a writer but when it comes to real love I'm better at showing it than I will ever be at putting it into words. I'm so glad I had 20 days to show him.

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