Today you're going to think I’m crazy, finally flipped and lost my mind.
And I wouldn’t blame you for a second, because I too think I’m going nuts.
The date is approaching when I climb aboard the big silver bird and fly my way to the UK.
I am as excited as my mother is to see her, my friends are all booked up to capacity..
I also have a wonderful trip to look forward to when I go to Wales and meet miss diamond. We’re going to an Anne Frank exhibition, and later miss is going to show off some of her culinary skills.. over a bottle or two of plonk of course!
Ah yes.. so much to look forward to…
And now you're wondering ‘where’s the crazy bit?”
The crazy thing is... the closer I get to going, the more my stomach does turns at the thought.
I am not scared of flying, that’s not it, I’m not frightened of travelling alone... I’ve been all over the world alone and it doesn’t phase me.
Its leaving here, my husband my home and my dogs.
Sometimes I want someone to shake me and tell me “Its only for a month!” and I know I’ll enjoy it when I get there, every minute… so figuring out this apprehension is most confusing, which is why I said I think I'm going nuts.
I just don’t understand myself.
I spoke to my mum on the phone yesterday who sounded so excited and she was reeling off plans for us to do, and while half of me was jumping with excitement, the other half was sinking… and I don’t know why.
Maybe because it’s the first time I have been without Gregg in 18 months, I know its not a fear of him cheating, he wouldn’t do that, and neither would I, I can honestly say that we are devoted to each other... maybe that’s it... maybe I’m too devoted that I’m finding it hard to wrench myself away.
There I was all sad because of the thought that I may not be able to go... then when the chance comes to go I throw myself in to excitement one minute then apprehension the next. I truly can’t figure myself out at all.
As I listened to my mothers excited voice on the phone, I smiled and was pleased she was really going to town on making everything great for me, then later that afternoon I pulled out my case to start throwing a few things in and a tear came to my eye… I immediately thought “what's going on?’
Why I am like this I just don’t know, I wish I could understand myself I really do.
Oh don’t get me wrong, I'm still going, I think maybe the after the initial leaving I’ll be fine.
I really am truly looking forward to all the wonderful adventures ahead…
But for some really strange reason… leaving here to do them is hard.
Oh, and please don’t send the men in white coats, I’ve always hated hospital food.
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