DEPARTMENT OF THE ARMY, Division of the Airborne
To: The Navy and the Coast Guard
Subject: Appreciation and Return of a Borrowed Term
On behalf of paratroopers everywhere and in interservice cooperation, I would like to officially return the term we borrowed from your respective branches. Let it be known that we are returning the term, 'MAY WEST', to your exclusive usage and jargon. We are now utilizing 'DOLLY PARTON' in its place, so that it may alleviate any confusion. In the past, we used to identify a particular hazard in parachuting, that of describing a malfunction where one or more shroud lines pass over an open canopy, causing two pockets to be formed. To the jumper, the result appears to be the largest brassiere seen by man. At the time of our formation, 'May West' sufficed as the designation. Please remember, we were formed in the early 1940's, and lacked any other means of reference. It was through your kind indulgence that we were able to find a suitable, if temporary, nomenclature. However, given the passage of time, we have found 'Dolly Parton' as substitute in definition. This will formally join our list of hazards, along with 'Cigarette Roll' (where the parachute fails to open into a canopy) and 'Squid' (when the bottom of the canopy fuses together due to heat from friction).
We would further like to offer "Jayne Mansfield" to the Marines or the Air Force, for use as they deem appropriate.
[NOTE: Though this might be considered moderate to blatant political incorrectness, there is absolutely no disrepect intended toward any of the aforementioned ladies. In my era of military men, women were held in the highest regard, and near and dear to our hearts and minds. Despite initial appearances, this is more a true reflection of our longings for home, once our job had been done.]
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