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The Art of Being a Gentleman

posted 1/29/2017 2:03:38 PM |
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tagged: relationships, romance, men, women

It's funny, most people don't associate the word gentle with men, and yet, gentleman or gentlemen is a term used by many women of men that have the confidence and self-assurance to treat women with respect and equality.

Merriam-Webster defines gentleman as this:

Definition of gentleman
a : a man of noble or gentle (see 1gentle 1a) birth
b : a man belonging to the landed gentry
c (1) : a man who combines gentle (see 1gentle 1a) birth or rank with chivalrous qualities (2) : a man whose conduct conforms to a high standard of propriety or correct behavior
d (1) : a man of independent means who does not engage in any occupation or profession for gain (2) : a man who does not engage in a menial occupation or in manual labor for gain
: valet —often used in the phrase gentleman's gentleman
: a man of any social class or condition —often used in a courteous reference "show this gentleman to a seat" or usually in the plural in address "ladies and gentlemen"

In thinking about the term, I thought, what does it mean to be a gentleman? It's not just about social status or chivalry, but for me, the art of being gentle. So what does that mean? It means a man capable of not only those 'manly' attributes, but one who is also capable of being tender, not just in words, but in actions as well.

My ex often spoke of himself as being a 'nice guy' and why he always finished last. He considered himself a gentleman, but he wasn't a gentle man. The difference? He could behave in a chivalrous and respectful manner, but he had no idea what a gentle touch was. His touch was rough, and he didn't have the sensitivity to understand or know his own strength.
Many men have this same issue and why tantric touch has become so popular.

There's nothing like a soft touch or kiss on the forehead or top of the head to indicate a deep affection and sensitivity to your partner, male or female. That being said, there are times when a firm grasp around the waist or what have you, indicating their superior strength is welcome, fun and a pleasant surprise. The key is, knowing when to be gentle and when to be firm.

The old adage says that men want a lady in public and a 'whore' in the bedroom. Well, women (not all, a generalization), want a gentleman in public and a gentle man in private. Yes, a bad boy is fun and there are times a bad boy in private is a lot of fun, however, respect must always be present.

When climbing the stairs to our bedroom, my ex used to slap my butt as I'd walk upstairs. I'd tell him I didn't like that and not to do it - but he thought it was funny. He didn't respect that his 'turn on' was my 'turn off'. Although he considered himself a gentleman, he was incapable of being a gentle man.

I think it takes a great deal of self-confidence and self-assurance to be both a gentleman and a gentle man or a gentle woman in these times of overt bullying and demands of self-satisfaction with little thought to the needs or wants of the partner.

When I think of a gentleman, the image that comes to mind is of a man that is chivalrous and respectful, treating their partner as an equal but capable of exerting his superior strength in making his partner feel safe and protected. There are many other qualities that I look for in a man, and a man would have their own list of qualities that they look for, but as I've matured, the 'bad boy' doesn't hold the same appeal that it did in younger years.

Of course, as women have had to survive on their own for decades, earning their own wages and making their own way, we no longer 'need' men to take care of us. When equality and feminism arose, men were confused and decided that if we wanted equality, we could do everything for ourselves. They didn't understand that equality simply meant equal pay for equal work and equal respect to their male counterparts. We wanted to be acknowledged for our intelligence and not treated as chattels or an extra paycheck.

Men, (not all of them), resentful of our demand to be seen as something other than a p*ssy and pair of boobs, decided that if we wanted equality, then they didn't need to be gentlemen anymore. And thus the decline of chivalry and gentlemanliness.

As a product of my times and up-bringing, although I've attained my own success with my own businesses, I'd still like to be able to pamper a partner and feel respected, safe and protected in a relationship. I want the gentleman and gentle man, (with a little bad boy), however, if the right one doesn't show up, I'm quite content and happy with my life as it is.

I'm a very tactile person and enjoy showing my affection with a soft touch on the arm or hand or leg as I sit next to my partner or walk by. PDA's are great (provided they don't elicit 'get a room' responses from the public) and my dream has always been to be 70 or older and still holding hands as we walk somewhere.

Being a gentleman, kind, sensitive and self-aware isn't a sign of weakness, as some men seem to think. Bullying and loud-mouthed assertions of manlihood and superiority do not denote confidence and imo, are not attractive in the least. They are indications of an extremely insecure man-child that hasn't matured. It takes far more strength of character to know one's own physical strength, and to be able to be kind, respectful, gentle and chivalrous.

It takes a real man to know the art of being a gentleman and a gentle man.

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Jan 29 @ 2:12PM  

open your own f***ing door.......

( just kidding...

another great blog!! ~kudos~..... )
like trump did to his wife.... and there are pictures that cannot be photo shopped to prove it....

Jan 29 @ 2:20PM  
Good blog, as a woman I share the same views as you. And I gave a kudo ^^ he did not.

I would also add, that no matter how many desperate women accept their men watching porn, I definitely do not, which means by that necessity alone I've eliminated 99% of men. No problem I love living alone, and I've discovered that most men hate living alone. their porn and pole dancers will have to keep them busy, and costly too.... much more than keeping me.

Jan 29 @ 2:23PM  
One more point.


Jan 29 @ 2:24PM  
Winglets...I guess that puts me in the 1%. Porn has the opposite effect on me that it's supposed to. It turns me off not on.
I'm weird that way, I like the curtains drawn and the room so dark that I don't even know my name.

And yes I like romance, holding hands and walking along the river. My creepy brother though, is into porn.

Jan 29 @ 2:33PM  
I like letting women know who's boss. They are!

Jan 29 @ 3:09PM  
When its all said and just glad I'm single......cookie

Jan 29 @ 3:41PM  
I like the curtains drawn and the room so dark that I don't even know my name.

That's called insecurity

Jan 29 @ 4:00PM  
^^^Nice try Mr. Condescending. But it has to do with the modesty that I was brought brought up in. It's a cultural thing that in no way you'd understand.

I can well understand though, why you have so many enemies on here. You're just one lousy human being.

Sorry for the Imp.

Jan 29 @ 4:14PM  
Great blog Imp and so full of truth.

Jan 29 @ 4:42PM  
I agree....... Very good blog!

Jan 29 @ 6:30PM  
If it's "art" can we sell it ?

Jan 29 @ 6:30PM  
If it's "art" can we sell it ?

Jan 29 @ 7:43PM  
Of course! There lots of women who will buy it, provided you market it appropriately.


Jan 29 @ 10:45PM  
Oops... I had to go back and make sure the quote you posted, was given the proper credit it deserves and not plagiarized!


Jan 30 @ 8:03AM  
From the play _Steel Magnolias_, a gentleman "takes the dishes out of the sink before he pees in it."

Jan 30 @ 11:05AM  
no worries.....

just checking my "facts".....

yep..I got it right.....
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