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Mastering The Perfect Partnership

posted 2/8/2017 12:26:11 PM |
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tagged: relationships, romance, dating
  SimplyImp

At one time or another, people joined this site in hopes of meeting a mate. You know, as in that dating kind of thing? Now, it's just a political cesspool and the likelihood of meeting someone is slim. The good thing? You can see exactly how someone responds in real life to a disagreement. Notice the name-calling, insults, attempts at humiliation and degradation? That's exactly how that person will respond to a disagreement with a partner, make no mistake about that. Also note who has the guts to apologize or admit they were wrong.

This site aside, what holds a relationship together? We all know that communication is the key to keeping the relationship alive - but what kind of communication? That doesn't mean talking at him or her, getting your own way and disregarding the other person's input. Communicating with your partner and understanding their perception of reality is the key.

What a concept. How does that work? We all have our own perception of reality, and no matter how close we are to another person, it's highly unlikely that any two people will see reality in exactly the same manner. Understand your partner's perception of reality and communicate with them on that basis.

What else? To me, kindness, honesty, sincerity and a sense of humour are some of the most attractive qualities a man can have. Those are the values that are most important to me in any relationship. Unfortunately, as a young woman, I didn't look for someone with the same values, so it wasn't really any wonder that the relationship failed.

Knowing yourself, your values, your issues, and what is and is not important to you is going to assist in any disagreement and how you respond. It's not about being right or getting your own way, it's about why is there a disagreement and how can it be resolved so that both people are satisfied with the outcome?

The biggest one? Putting your ego aside. That doesn't mean to put yourself second all the time. It means realizing that a discussion is your partner's way of letting you know their needs are not being met. The biggest assumption that partners make in a relationship is that they need to be shown love the same way that we need to be shown love.

Me? I enjoy a touch on the arm, a hug around the shoulders, a kiss on the neck, top of the head or forehead. Any little touch that lets me know my partner's aware of my presence. Birthdays and holidays, I love gifts and flowers. They don't have to be expensive, simply a token of my partner's appreciation. And yes, I want to hear those three little words.

Not everyone likes to be acknowledged in those ways. Perhaps my partner does not like PDA's and their way of receiving love is spending quality time with their partner, words of affirmation (I love you), or acts of service (eg -making your partner their favourite meal). Once you understand how your partner prefers to receive love, a deeper trust and intimacy can be formed with less chance of disagreement through miscommunication and misunderstanding.

However, honest, sincere communication entails a significant degree of trust, but also releasing the need to control either a situation or another person. We all have control issues, and it's paramount to a successful relationship to understand which ones we have, and how they are manifested.

I would say that almost everyone has said, well, the partner I want is going to be ......, and thus ensues a list of wants. What it comes down to, though, is what are we bringing to the table and what are we prepared to give? Personally, I love spoiling my mate, provided I feel valued and loved. That doesn't mean I want a clone of myself in any relationship, as I think it's really important that people retain their autonomy in pursuing their own interests and hobbies. Conversely, it's equally important to be able to share some interests and hobbies - balance. Some people want/need to spend all their time with their mate - and that's fine provided each person's needs are being met.

Instead of the finger-pointing in a disagreement (well, you did this - yeah, well you did that), rather than blaming, discuss why the disagreement occurred, why your partner's upset, and accept your responsibility in the process of the disagreement. Sometimes (most times) that means swallowing your ego and apologizing and accepting that you could have done something better or differently.

And guess what? You don't die when you apologize or admit you're wrong. That was one of the hardest things I learned after my marriage failed. It was a learned behaviour and to this day, my mother cannot apologize or admit she's wrong - ever. The first time I apologized to a mate was actually very freeing. It gave me a better sense of control over myself, and an understanding of my own issues.

When you're unaware of your own issues and what caused any previous relationship breakdown, it's pretty much impossible to not re-create the same type of relationship with every future partner. It's true that unless you fix what went wrong the first time, you're bound to continue repeating those same mistakes. And no, it's not all the other person's fault.

It seems almost an oxymoron to say that the key to a good relationship is self-awareness. But without being aware of our own issues, how can we possibly expect to nurture a healthy relationship with anyone else? When we become self-aware, we also can become more giving, more accepting, and more understanding of others.

It's easy to fill in that list of 'what I want in a partner' and for a partner to say, yeah, I can fill that list. It's a lot harder to fill in the list that says, what are you prepared to give because it requires a level of trust, honesty and vulnerability that few of us are willing to be open about.

I'm not sure anyone 'masters' being a perfect partner, but we can excel at a relationship by being able to give love the way our partner needs it, and communicate how we expect to receive it without losing ourselves in the relationship.

Mastering a perfect partnership means mastery of being the perfect partner, from both people.





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Comments:
Winglets

Feb 8 @ 12:45PM  
Let me be the first, and kudos for a thoughtful blog.

What you see here, is not what I am in real life. That's all I will say on that matter, but I will add a relationship is hard work and I'm retired which makes me happy.

a_simple_man

Feb 8 @ 12:45PM  
~kudos~


moon_watcher53

Feb 8 @ 1:50PM  
I'm not sure anyone 'masters' being a perfect partner,

The last time I heard that "He is perfect in every way" came from
my mom...... the very day I was born.....74 years ago !!

Great blog Imp !!
bluewind37

Feb 8 @ 3:49PM  
An open mind and willingness to accept that we as humans are not perfect to begin with goes a long way also.

smoothassilk

Feb 8 @ 4:08PM  
Two women once called me 'jack of all trades..master of none'

Tammy was a democrat and Teresa a Republican and together the three of us formed the best three way partnership you could ever imagine

Nice blog
KathyPa1951

Feb 8 @ 9:06PM  
Good blog do more! kudos
aftershocks

Feb 8 @ 9:23PM  
I added a Kudo. Very perceptive and well written.

Another word I use to describe what I strive for is healthy communication.

There are some very unhealthy attitudes being aired in the "I am right and you are wrong" political blogs on this site. And you are spot on when you note that this shows what kind of people they would be in a relationship. Toxic.

Ideally we should all strive to become better people. To communicate with each other in a healthy manner. To be respectful and kind.
Fayvorite

Feb 9 @ 8:00AM  
A big kudos from me as well. I too truly believe communication is a key to a good relationship but for me the utmost of importance is respect. If someone resorts to name calling or yelling, the respect goes right out the window and communication is shut down. NEXT

The other thing is one needs to reserve judgement in the very beginning of any relationship where their true face is not yet revealed. This is where I see so many make their biggest mistake, especially my own daughter. A guy is nice to her in the beginning and in her mind he is going to be like that forever. It rarely plays out that way.
a_simple_man

Feb 9 @ 11:13AM  
not everyone lives and breaths toxic political air...ALL THE YTIME....

some seem to be crazy.... but are not...

really..my honest belief is... if anyone judges (me) by the little window of my personality they see here...(as well as the gossip mongers who write about it here..to others...)

and runs to the far side...

they are missing out on the wonders of the universe....
and it's their loss....

hint: I grow weary of those who say that they know someone's true personality because of what they see written here...

anyway.... carry on.....




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