Yesterday evening, I met, in person, someone I corresponded with, here on MatchDoctor. She was in my friends list – the first “friend” I've ever deleted in the history of my being on MatchDoctor.  Anyway, she drove here all the way from Tampa (a four-hour drive more or less). We had decided that I would drive up and meet her on an eventual second meeting, but I can guarantee you that will not be happening now.
When we started e-mailing on June 30th, we seemed to hit it off right away. We would continue to e-mail for more than two months, developing a very good friendship, until eventually, we finally decided to meet in person over the Labor Day Weekend.
I eagerly awaited as her car arrived to greet her. However, I knew from the moment she stepped out of her car that this was going to be a not-so-good situation. We did NOT click. When we shook hands, she didn't seem too enthusiastic about meeting me. Every minute we were in each other's presence was an awkward moment of silence. As I'm sure she did, I already couldn't wait for it to be over, but I wanted so badly to try to make the visit work out. It was torture.
I admit, I was nervous in the first few moments of her arrival. It must've been evident to her as I was trying to put ice in her soda. We went for a walk through the neighborhood and then played some pool at the clubhouse. But like I said, it was very awkward. The whole time, I would try to make conversation but nothing would ever come out of it. And I didn't see very much effort on her part. To get her to talk, I would ask her many questions, but, again, that wouldn't go very far. She would just give me short answers and then there would be silence again. She never asked me a single question. Not one! I had been really looking forward to just hanging out with her and talking with her face to face. But, from the start, she just didn't really seem interested.
When we corresponded, she talked repeatedly about how lonely she was, how she doesn't have too many friends, and what low self-esteem she had. If she puts forth what little effort into socializing, as she did with me last night, then I can see why. For all I know, maybe I didn't put in enough effort either, but Lord knows I tried! I've never had so much trouble trying to get somebody to open up.  It was like pulling teeth.
Even before we met up in person, I kept asking her what types of things she wanted to do when she came down here, but she couldn't even make a decision on that! What was she expecting out of me? Did she want me to play guessing games with her? I hate that sh!t. I don't have time for it.  Either you wanna hang out with me or you don't. But DON'T play stupid games with me, k?
She wasn't at all the sociable person I knew in her e-mails. It's like, as soon as she saw me, she discovered something she didn't like about me and turned cold right away. Yes, I am still living with my father! So what?! Even with the work I do, it's EXPENSIVE down here! I never thought something like that mattered to her, and I thought it was something we cleared up in our correspondence. Most of all, she went through such an effort to tell me how much of a "non-judgmental" person she was. And you know, I was convinced that she wasn't judgmental. Maybe I was wrong.
I almost wonder why she even bothered coming. I wished she hadn't. And apparently, she felt the same way; she left sometime during the middle of the night.  Because I didn't want her to pay the outrageous hotel room rates down here, I offered to allow her to sleep on a mattress in my living room. I, of course, slept in my own bedroom. It was turning out so badly that, at around 9:00PM, I went into my room early and left her out in the living room to do her own thing. I closed the door to my bedroom, locked it, and didn't come out, for the rest of the time she was here - except once – to lower the thermostat so I could sleep.
Then, at around 5:30AM, I looked out my window and discovered her car was gone. Oh well. I was kinda hurt that she just up and left like that – but I was also very relieved, too. I was dreading spending the whole following day with her. How would we possibly get through that, if we couldn't even stand to spend five minutes together. Well, now, I didn't have to worry about that anymore. Good. I folded up the bed and put the pillows away, and with that the problem was gone.
I'm glad she and I had the two month e-mail correspondence we had; it was very enriching. However, I'm glad we waited as long as we did before meeting. Actually, I am very sorry she came at all. I wish I had known from the start what a waste of time that would be. Maybe we wouldn't even have corresponded.
This is another reason I am reluctant to meet on-line pen pals in person, without having first e-mailed with them extensively and for a good while. There is a lot of expense and effort involved in meeting someone, so if you're not entirely sure it should happen, then it's just not worth it. It just isn't.
I still think she is a nice person, but I don't think I want to have anything more to do with her. E-mail or otherwise. It's nothing personal against her; I just can't deal with her after this.
Maybe if we'd have had a phone conversation, or at least IM'd, I would've been clued in that meeting wasn't such a good idea and we could have avoided this. I've been tipped off before via phone and IM conversations with others, so I should've known to take advantage of those communication tools prior to this get together. Anyway, this experience has made me sick to my stomach.:( if not wiser in the brain ...I have taken notes and will learn from it.
- the Fuchian :-(
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maggiemae684
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Sep 4 @ 9:47AM
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 sorry to hear your experience was not what it should have been. unfortunately when meeting someone in person from online that tends to be the case a lot - people need to be honest about who they are from the start and my experience over the years is that many just don't have that capability. yes, use caution but don't give up. i met chris online and it has all been good   . if it is someone who cares about you and respects you where you live, what you do etc doesn't matter. you are much too good of a person for that one who ran in the middle of the night and from what you said in your blog you did nothing wrong.
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Inigma
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Sep 24 @ 8:57PM
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WOW... that sounds really brutal. If she wasn't social to any extent, no self-confidence and just seemingly not liking herself much... that should have been a red flag... right away! You rolled the dice on that one from the start... I'm not saying your to blame..but some people are so in their shells no matter of prying will pull them out. Risk taken and lesson learned. I've learned my lessons from dating sites and allowing them to cross over into reality. But to leave and not say goodbye or not apologize is just cold. I guess you can take a little out of it... you should have learned to read between the lines a little.. and catch those flags. I read both of the blogs... are you sure you didn't get played?? The only reason I ask is because of the cell phone constantly.. and going into another room, I doubt that was to talk to her girlfriends or be polite... as we can see she didn't exhibit any manners... so you can figure that's not the case!
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fuchia04
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Sep 25 @ 11:29AM
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Yeah, I guess you're right, I had it coming, but I just wanted to believe that someone who didn't feel good about themselves would feel differently, if only someone showed them that they had a right to feel good about themselves.
The thing is, I've never met someone with such low confidence who acted this way. My ex g/f also had self-esteem issues but the more she was given the message she was a valued human being, the more she learned and understood. She is a totally new, revitalized person now, with total self-confidence in herself. My ex-g/f was the nicest person in the world from the start (at a time when her self esteem was virtually non-existent because of an abusive former husband), so because of this, I've learned not to automatically write people off just because they don't feel good about themselves.
I do wish I would've known about this last person's double personality. I had no way of knowing she was the non-social person she was, because she always wrote long-lively e-mails, which in no way reflected her true character. It's not that her character or personality was bad or anything - it was just so different - and not something my personality clicked with. So, yes, I did learn a lesson or two - one of which is to not place so much trust in the character a person exhibits through written correspondence. I've learned it must be complimented with IM'ing and verbal communication (talking on the phone), and whatever other means are at our disposal. And yes, I admit that perhaps you are right that maybe I should have read more between the lines to find the subtle signs that I needed to know.  Now that I look back, there are things that I over looked that I know I shouldn't have. Thank you for your advice. It is much appreciated! 
- the Fuchian
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misschoos
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Sep 2 @ 8:51AM
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Interesting
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