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I am entitled; I deserve; I am grateful. Part II

posted 9/14/2006 8:27:49 PM |
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  lacyvsq

In exchanges between members on this site, to what are we entitiled, what do we deserve, and what should we just receive in gratitude?

In spite of the princes, kings, queens and princesses we may see on a site like this, I rather doubt there are any reading this that can lay claim to any crown jewels. So entitlement is pretty much going to have to come from some sort of contract or from a pledge of some sort.

It appears that so many people on a site like this feel entitled to love, respect, honesty, affection, correspondence in their preferred style, interaction only with desirables, manners/politeness, responses to winks and email, etc. etc. But where are the contracts? In a cyberworld, can we really expect fulfillment of contracts? How do we go about enforcing them?

Now, my perspective is that we should do unto others as we would have them do unto us. So, if I am offering love, respect, honesty, etc., should I not expect to get those things back? Have I not paid the price for them? Am I not entitled? Nope, nope, and nope. Not unless someone has contracted to repay treatment for treatment, and even then, our definition of terms will have to be ironed out in detail.

Honesty for some on this site is a picture that is not more than six months old and does not show the person captured at their once-every-six-months best. Under that definition, I am dishonest. Passion, affection, romance ... what do those words really mean? Am I going to feel comfortable with your meanings? Are you going to feel comfortable with mine?

Now some of you may feel that I am extreme in not expecting to be treated at a minimum with respect, honesty, manners... I certainly feel that I deserve (am worthy of) them because I have offered them, but with each of us having our own definition for those things, if I expect certain behaviors from you based on my definitions, and fail to acknowledge that your interpretations of my behaviors (and yours) may differ radically from my interpretations, I am likely to be frequently disappointed and feel cheated (and I have) .

Do low expectations for good treatment leave me feeling jaded? Not at all. My recompense for extending those "gifts" to you should be the joy I feel in expressing who I am. Extending all those things builds my worth, makes me more deserving. Getting the "things" I deserve even when I am not entitled to them, gives me a feeling of gratitude over and above the joy of doing good things. Sometimes it even feels like loving and being loved.

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From my offsite email...
Another facet...A pup and a pop Pt2
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Comments:
Eyes_Wide_Shut

Sep 21 @ 2:47AM  
It's that expectations thing, Lacy; it's a bear. Much better to give for the sheer joy of the giving--though it's hard sometimes to stay balanced within that joy, rather than leaning toward expectation of recompense.

There's a Jewish writing (in the Torah?) about the relative value of giving--I'm sure I'm going to mess it up, as I read it long and long ago; while the wording has faded, the meaning did not. It goes something like this:

Valuable: If you give to someone and everyone knows you've given.
More valuable: If you give to someone and only s/he knows you've given.
Most valuable: If you give to someone and only you know you've given.

Imagine what a thing is created between two people in tune with the latter. No expectations. It might "even feel like loving and being loved."

Peace




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I am entitled; I deserve; I am grateful. Part II