Thank you for the thoughtful response/s to my blog. I hope that it wasn't taken as male bashing. That was certainly not my intent. My writing style often comes off as academic or clinical (as DanQuixote pointed out.) It's something I am working on, even with serious subjects - and I was trying to have a little fun with this one. I am also quite seriously interested in improved communications between the genders....
For me, too, sex is an extremely personal part of being in love, sharing and showing that love. Sex with a "stranger" or sex as a technical exercise does not interest me at all. I was attempting to give a personal opinion without revealing very much about my own personal sexuality, as I did not believe this was the place to do so. But in doing so, I may have left out critical information as to how I came to be thinking about this in the first place. So let me say that in my experience, I have usually been the more sexual partner; the one who was most comfortable, the one who sought out lovemaking, the one who was interested in being a bit creative. I am comfortable with my desires and I do not feel that I have missed out on sexual fullfillment. So it may be due to my own personal experience, that I just don't worry about that aspect of a relationship. It doesn't mean I am not concerned about it or that it's not important. It only means that terrific lovemaking should be a natural part of a loving relationship. I guess I take that for granted. Therefore I can be rather impatient with men who seem, initially, to want to talk mostly about sex.
I hate it when women write things that make them out to be an exception to other women and I am not saying that I believe I am so extraordinary. I know there are plenty of very sensual women. But in my age group, there is often a tendency for women to play down their sexuality for fear of appearing (yep, you guessed it) sluttish, wanton or at best: indiscriminating. And sadly, there are many, many women (again, especially among the over 50 crowd) who truly believe that good sex has nothing to do with them, that it is all up to the man.
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| An addendum of sorts to "Sexual Expectations.." |
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UpbeatGalinSC
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Sep 30 @ 10:49AM
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I can not have a conversation with women my age(67) about sex and the things I enjoy doing to my partner and what I like him to do to me. Why? Because they'd think I was a pervert! So many older women have given up on sex,,maybe they don't feel sexy anymore,,I don't know, but I do know I can't identify with them.
In my humble opinion I feel the woman should be the initiator. She should be playful, flirty and indeed a little devlish! It's up to the woman to 'set the mood' so to speak. I know some women will disagree, but it's always worked for me!
Having a wonderful sex life with your partner, is not the end all, be all to the relationsip but it's a great foundation and that foundation will manifest other joys in the relationship!
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z_bach
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Sep 30 @ 10:58AM
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Okay, with your addendum and original blog I think you have pretty much nailed the truth.
The only argument I might make is to this statement. "But in my age group, there is often a tendency for women to play down their sexuality for fear of appearing (yep, you guessed it) sluttish, wanton or at best: indiscriminating. And sadly, there are many, many women (again, especially among the over 50 crowd) who truly believe that good sex has nothing to do with them, that it is all up to the man." Not that this isn't true in general, just the age group thing. I think this attitude is pervasive throughout most age groups. The "men are sex-crazy pigs and women don't need sex therefor sex is unnecessary in a relationship because women are the only ones interested in relationships" theory is drilled into us from an early age.
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redtigr
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Sep 30 @ 11:14AM
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[I]Bojangles generously gave permission for me to post this message sent in response to exchanges re: original post. [/I]
3) Men want to discuss sex as soon as they think they can "get away with it."
It's usually the male role to be the intiator, the stimulator to the female to see what she is ready for.....It's not uncommon for him to be expected to pay for the date which could even mean that he would travel cross country to see her. All of which could be a significant financial investment..After which, the female accepts or rebuffs his overtures.
Thus, as a male, it behooves me to flirt, play, tease, etc to see what the female is ready for...As for me, personally, it's not my way to go into deep discussions about sex.
In my view, the deeper discussions comes later into the friendship.Premature sexual discussions indicates immaturity or a proclivity for voyarism or the need for immediate manual satisfaction.
I, too, am interested in better communications between genders..It certainly would simplify life for all concerned.
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Darling1947
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Sep 30 @ 11:23AM
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I agree with most of what you say..but there are a few of us older women that dress as we like..dance without partners, and generally break all the social rules. That does not mean I am not very selective and that I don't need love in the equation. I just wanted to say there are exceptions, those who are not sluts but are of an age when we just don't care what people think anymore. Narrow minded as people can be, I try to aviod that type of man and woman. And you know there are many that understand where I am coming from. I can wear red lipstick and paint my nails to match my car, LOL... I can dress anyway I want and if it doesn't please you, don't look! I can be me or what I have evolved into and many younger women feel threatened by me, I see it all the time. But someday those same girls will understand, I hope! I think I was always a Renassiance Woman but society and work kept that reined tight. I do understand why women feel threatened if they don't follow the rules, but you know, as Rhett would say " I just don't give a damn!" 
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tulle
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Sep 30 @ 12:30PM
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Great blog...you have put many of my thoughts into words, and it is good to know that others see the problems that ladies my age face in the "singles' world.
Thanks......tulle
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beachnutRU
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Sep 30 @ 8:54PM
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I feel like a comment hog sometimes with your blogs they are insightful and accurate. Maybe some points have been left out but, hey folks can write an addendum to express their additional points of view also can't they??
One of my points in the two part (so far) series is that YES men sometime never feel as though they get enough sex. In my own sporadic relationship environment I feel as though I haven't had enough. Due to circumstances beyond my control, and , within my control, I haven't had enough and its like a pie that awaits devourment if you can get to the pie. Until I can get to it just let me know that you will save it for me to devour.   I may have to blog about this myself.
You were so right on in the previous blog about men feel a need to bring it up. Heck I think I wrote you about your legs our first or second e mail. If your name had been Iceprincess and a turtle neck and hat pulled down over your head no e mail the last thing I want is another cold ass woman........Redtigr.....hmmm what's up with that...... where are you a tiger ......you see its in a name, a look, even tastefully done with long legs. You see men notice and women plant the seed in their own way. They help co create it. 
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DanQuixote
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Oct 3 @ 7:55AM
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I appreciate your clarifing some points ....and no...I did not view your initial blog as male bashing. My comment about it seeming clinical was just an opinion, and as such, could be regarded as subjective. I found your addendum to be both refreshing and informative. I found Mr. Bojangles response that you quoted, to be somewhat disconcerting. not uncommon for him to be expected to pay for the date........significant financial investment.... see what the female is ready for....etc etc ..... I hope this is not what you women think is the typical male mindset. It would seem that Mr. B would better spend his time and money with an escort service than with a dating site. It is unforgiveable .....imho....to have a preconceived notion of how a date/meeting should end. I don't think most men are simply looking to add another notch to the bedpost, nor do I believe they feel the need to explore the possibilities of sexual success by engaging in pre-date/meeting discussions of sexual subjects. .....another 2 cents worth....Dan
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